Awkward Moments with People who are "Not Racists"

Over the past few days, I've been gritting my teeth in dealing with a person at work who seems to not understand that some jokes aren't funny. I guess this person has become very familiar with me, maybe too familiar. I tend to be a person who can tolerate a certain amount of ignorance, usually because some of these ignorant folks know when to draw the line (usually when they get the sideways glance or the "that's not funny look"). But some people are just too ignorant to know that they are really that stupid.

I know that we live in a time period where many people claim that we, as Americans are "too sensitive". I don't think it's a coincidence that this time period just happens to be during the tenure of our nations first Black president. While jokes at the expense of political figures and individuals in positions of  authority are nothing new (George W. Bush was the butt of plenty during his time in office), the type of jokes about President Obama seem to not only hinge on people's opinion about him, but heavily on his race. Jokes about his policies hang on race as well. My coworker said to me the morning after a recent state of the union address: "Someone said the only thing that was missing from Obama's speech last night was him asking 'Do you want fries with that?'". I didn't quite get the joke so I asked him to explain. He said: "You know, because everyone who voted for Obama works at McDonald's" (that joke being told to a person who voted for Obama and who obviously does not work for McDonald's).On the surface, this is hardly a racist comment; there are plenty of white Americans that work for McDonald's. But in the context of the joke, you can definitely recognize the intent. And this example is very mild compared to some of the other comments and jokes I'm sure many of us have heard.

Some will say "it's just jokes". I disagree. Many people who either tell these jokes or think these type of jokes are funny shroud their intent with that mantra. Others cry freedom of speech or say that we have the right to express our views even if they are offensive. But when you look at the way indifference towards others is viewed today, these arguments don't stand up in most cases. It is socially unacceptable to call gay people "faggots" when just a few years ago, that word was used freely  and accepted by many. Even saying that a certain action is "gay" is looked upon unfavorably. So is the use the word "retarded" when speaking of people with learning disabilities or in regards to an action viewed as dumb or unintelligent. There has been no national debate on the use of these words or the views that are associated with the people that these words were once used to describe. Jokes about these groups of people are deemed taboo by most. Yet jokes regarding our Black president and those who voted for him, namely minorities, spark debates with those who find them offensive and those who believe America has gotten soft, too sensitive.

A common retort amongst those who find themselves in defense of these jokes or statements is that they're "not racists". The problem here is that you don't have to necessarily be racist to be offensive. One need not be racist to have racist views. If one has the viewpoint that they are free to be offensive if they choose to be, then doesn't the same right exist for those who the one may offend? The climate in this country in recent years has grown, in some areas, to be intolerable to insensitive views and practices. But it seems that the topic of race, since it includes to a very large extent the political climate in this country, gets grouped into the right of Americans to disagree with the government. So all the offensive jokes and comments directed towards president Obama and his administration, which in turn includes all Black Americans, are seemingly disguised under the cloak of discontent. So we end up with discussions that aim to "educate" close minded individuals on "race in America". CNN broadcasts a weeks worth of programming dedicated to understanding what it means to be 'Black in America'. We have profiles on famous Black celebrities, leaders and even ordinary Americans to give insight to those who "may not understand" the everyday experiences of Black citizens in this country. You have Black politicians, Barack Obama included, trying to relate to all Americans without alienating one particular group. You have people being described as "too Black" or "not Black enough". Controversy looms when issues arise concerning civil rights and our Black president may or may not want to speak on the issue. Debates arise over what aresocially accepted terms to refer to Black people as. This in 2013, not 1955 when one shouldn't need 'sensitivity training' to know what to say nor how to act around those who are of a different color, gender or sexual orientation. People shouldn't have trouble differentiating between real life actions of people of any race verses what they may see on television or in the movies. Yet general ignorance is often said to be the cause of situations that come up, like with the Paula Deens and Rick Perrys of the world. Black stereotypes are often the said to be the reason why Black people are depicted and reacted to the way we are. Any exceptions to these are classified as 'out of the norm' or exceptions to the rule when the complete opposite is commonplace more times than not. An explanation of this is not even necessary yet here I am writing about it, again.

So, what does a Black person do in that awkward moment when confronted with a joke or a comment by someone who isn't a racist, but brings an offensive joke or comment to them? In my opinion, since such jokes or comments are commonplace, any reaction will do. Adverse or not, if one is ready to say and/ or do whatever it is that they feel in the name of freedom of speech, they should be ready for whatever response they get. That is, since we live in a free country.

The N-word 2013: Is it Really That Serious?

I thought about some controversial way to title this blog, something like "Nigger, Niggaz, Nigga" to display the many different ways it's used this day in age. But I decided against it. I didn't want the seriousness of this topic to be diluted with, what I feel are dumb explanations and interpolations of an offensive word.

Before I continue, let me state that I am guilty of using this word in pretty much everyday conversation. I use it as a term of endearment to close Black male friends of mine, I use it to describe the way society still views Black people in many circumstances and I use it to differentiate some Black people from other Black people. I've even used it in various ways to reference myself. I have no justification for it and I won't make any excuses for my use of it. It's wrong. With that being said, it's wrong for anyone to use the word, just like it's wrong to curse. But many people use it. Some use it to demean dark skinned people, others use it because they are used to it being a part of their vocabulary. This word has been the subject of controversy for decades and I don't see that changing. The word 'nigger' is here to stay.

2013 has been an interesting year for the N-word and for the way society views race in America. Most notably, Paula Deen and the Trayvon Martin/ George Zimmerman trail have put race in the forefront in a way we haven't seen in quite some time. Since Paula Deen's comments ("Yes, of course", when asked if she's ever used the N-word) and her subsequent fall from TV cooking grace, many people have come to the defense of her and others, namely white people, who have used the word publicly and have been vilified for it. People have said that the word 'nigger' doesn't mean the same thing today that it did 50 years ago. People have justified their use of it by saying that Black people call each other nigger all the time. Some people have said white people can't use the word at all. Others have wondered why anyone would want to use it. Still, many people say things like this get blown way out of proportion and even blame it on reverse racism ( a term, by the way, that I personally despise).

So what's the big deal about the dreaded N-word? It sounds mysterious whenever it's printed or said that way (at least I think so!). Well, for one, it's a word that many Black people automatically associate with racism. The word has no positive connotation at all in the English language, or any language for that matter. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary's first definition for the word is "usually offensive: a black person". It's second definition is "usually offensive: a member of any dark skinned race". The third definition? "A member of a socially disadvantaged class of people". That is the definition of the word. Just because people have tried to dilute it by trying to change the way it's viewed in society doesn't make a difference. As a Black person, if another Black person calls me nigger and I don't know that person, it would offend me. As a kid, I remember my mom calling me a nigger after I did something stupid. To this day, the memory of that hurts a little bit because I knew my mom was seriously disappointed in me.

I grew up listening to rappers like Nas and groups like Wu-Tang who used the word in their lyrics, so as a fan, it became part of my speech. But that doesn't change what the words true meaning is. The word was created to break down a person who was considered to be a nigger. Words like 'colored' and 'Negro' were used in an attempt to be more 'polite' to people of color. But anyone who's ever been called colored or Negro by a person who wasn't Black doesn't even view those words as more polite than being called a nigger. So it should be pretty clear why so many people, Black people in particular, take offense when people like Paula Deen so nonchalantly admit to their usage of the word. But because of the acceptance of the word in the Black community as a term of endearment in some cases, the consistency of Black people being opposed to the use of the word often comes into question. When Michael Richards, the actor who played Cosmo Kramer on 'Seinfeld' went on a nigger yelling tirade during a stand up routine in a Los Angeles comedy club in 2006, it was a hot topic and many Black people who loved the Seinfeld TV show stopped watching it. But ask many people today and they will say it's a moot point by now and pretty much a forgotten thing. Then you have people like Tim Allen who defend Paula Deen's use of the word because the Black actors that he's worked with use the word so freely. He also asked that, as a person who is "clearly not racist,...how can nigger be bad coming out of my mouth?"

I look at it this way. Paula Deen lost her show because her sponsors know the buying power of Black people in this country. They did not want to lose any potential dollars due to the casual ignorance of a TV personality who was too dumb to understand the cutthroat nature of Corporate America. She got on TV and pleaded with whoever would listen to believe she wasn't a racist. She wasn't sorry that she used the word, she was sorry it cost her her job. Most of her viewers still support her, because many of them feel just like she does. There are Black people who feel like she was treated unfairly and they are entitled to their opinion. But I feel that any white person who uses the word or wants to use the word should be prepared for whatever consequences come with that.

But some may ask: "Really, what's the big deal?" As I mentioned before, some of music's biggest stars use the word  freely in their lyrics. Quentin Tarentino along with other directors, Black and white, use it in their movies whether it is a historical piece or not. White teens who emulate their favorite rappers may call their friends 'nigger'. People of all races, when singing along to their favorite rap song sing right through the word. So would the fact that numerous media outlets and people use this word so freely soften is historical significance and meaning? Not in 2013, maybe not ever. I personally don't ever want to see the day when it is acceptable for a white person to use the word in any shape, form or fashion. But I would be remissed and hypocritical if I didn't acknowledge the fact that if nigger is ever going to be abolished from everyday language, it's going to have to start with Black people. Rappers are going to have to stop using it in their music. Everyday Black people like me are going to have to stop calling each other nigger. People in general are going to have to be more responsible in their use of the word. It does have a place, in reminding us how hurtful and destructive that word is and was in the past. In short, people are going to have to care about it more, not just when a famous white person says it and it's the hot topic all over the morning and evening news. Yes, the use of nigger in 2013 is really that serious. We just all have to admit it.