My Nigger Piece

(Singing)
"Every Nigger Is A Staaaaaarrr"...
and that was before Kendrick sampled it
that was before street dudes mastered
explanations to justify using it
and that was waaaaay before white people
decided that since niggers use it so freely
then they should be able to go back to using it...
like they ever stopped...
and don't look at me
wide eyed
mouth open
hands clutching pearls
as if to wonder how I could be so
accusatory with such abrasive language
I embrace the nigger in me
because the world won't...
nigger is what we were
and nigger is what we are reminded
that we are
every time a nigger is shot and killed
by a non-nigger
every time a nigger is choked out
by some non-niggers
every time the niggers in the White House
are said to be horrible people
because they feel like the country
that has operated under nigger law
for so long
needs something different
"apes" they call Michelle
"Devil" they call Barack
and they pause at the kids
only after one of them goes too far
and now they say that disciplining someone
who spews racist ephithets
is an infringement on that asshole's
freedom of speech
so, don't you dare infringe on mine
I. AM. NIGGER
black buck
here to work my black ass off for a dime
to give back to 'Massa
you put blackface
on the American dream
expecting niggers to to kowtow
and say thank you
thank you for giving us our one
thank you for not assassinating him
thank for just assassinating
the character of him
every time you disagreed with his policies
"Devil"!!!
Got other niggers pitted against him
pitted against me
because I ride with the nigger
I'd die for my niggers
just like the niggers who died before I came along
so that this nigger could be here
so that this nigger could walk these
southern streets free
you see Confederate flags flying
in the face of niggers
in defiance of governmental maneuvering
these proud Southern Americans say
you can't take away my pride
you can't take away my heritage
to make niggers feel like progress has been made
but they fly that symbol of taking away a nigger's pride
of taking away a nigger's heritage
and taking away a nigger's right to
not be reminded of the fact
that WE ARE STILL NIGGERS to them
and to a very large portion of this society
to those who police us
to those who deny policies
that would include us
but readily approve those that most certainly exclude us
from the mirage that is the " American  Dream"...
Muhammad Ali once said that he wouldn't go kill
no Vietcong 'cus ain't no Vietcong ever call him nigger
that he wouldn't fight for a country
where people called him nigger everyday
and now, 48 years later, nothing has changed
48 years later, I am writing a piece
called "My Nigger Piece"
while the world celebrates the date
Marty McFly and Doc Brown traveled to
from 1985 to 2015
when it was predicted that the Cubs would win
the World Series...
well they were wrong about that...
just makes me wonder if anyone back then
ever thought how niggers would be perceived now
makes me think if anyone back then
ever wondered what niggers would be up to these days
because it seems to me
the way niggers were looked upon then
is the same way we are looked upon now
as niggers
nothing more, nothing less...
nothing earned, nothing gained, right?
So I guess while niggers have "earned"
the "right"
to not be strung up from trees
while niggers have "earned"
the "right"
to be considered whole
and while we've "earned"
the "right"
to occupy the highest office in the land
we haven't "earned"
the "right"
to not be called nigger...
Okay...I'll be that...
I. AM. NIGGER
black buck
here to work my black ass off for a dime
to give back to 'Massa
just remember...
(singing)
"Every Nigger Is A Staaaaaarrr"...

The Struggle of Growth and Being Honest w/ Yourself

As I try my best to blog more on a regular basis, I've decided to go off the normal topics that I usually cover and talk a little bit about my own personal journey. While I'm not trying to put all my business in the street, I'd like to share just a little bit of my own struggle as I try to become better as a writer and as person.

 

 

We all want happiness. A lot of us may equate happiness with being financially secure, while others may look to achieving academic goals and secular goals. Personally, my main goal is to take the gift that I'd like to think I have and be able to pursue becoming an author full time. With that, I have learned quite a bit about myself as a person, one who finds is difficult to focus on these life goals and maneuver through life situations. The older I seem to get (having just celebrated my 36th birthday, aka entering the 36th Chamber), the more I feel like my window of opportunity is closing. I am not where I thought I'd be at this point in my life and some of the life events I thought would have come to fruition by now have either fallen to the wayside or are no longer in my immediate plans. Sometimes, I feel like I am constantly trying to salvage whatever may be left of a particular situation while hardly ever building upon something new. I feel like I haven't grown as a person as much as I should have by now.

 

 

Sometimes we allow things, people or circumstances to hinder our growth. An important thing to recognize is that while acknowledging the things, people or circumstances that may be impeding or stunting our personal growth, we can't blame those things, people or circumstances. Sure, they are obstacles and they have to be removed or overcome for us to continue to progress. But the job rests squarely on us to remove or overcome them. Notice, at the beginning of this paragraph I said we allow them to hinder our growth. Some of us find it hard to stay motivated, for whatever reason. Others may allow outside influences to convince them that they can't succeed in the areas they would like to. And, unfortunately, other people can stand in the way of our growth. While there may be some circumstances beyond our control (i.e., health, family obligations, some social and/ or economic issues), often times it is the situations we can control that become bigger obstacles based on the way we let them affect how we move through our life. Acknowledging what these things are can be somewhat of a challenge, but once we recognize them, we have to make a concerted effort to eliminate them. Otherwise, we can find ourselves not making the type of progress we need to make to reach our full potential.


Now, I haven't said anything here that anyone taking the time to read this post doesn't already know. This post is less about dropping some jewels on the reader to think about and more about knowing how important it is for everyone to want to grow. Sometimes we get complacent in our lives and we just become comfortable in whatever situation we may be in simply because it is familiar to us. We may stay at a job that we don't like or that doesn't fit our ambitions for fear of not having a steady income. We may allow family members to discourage us from following our dreams or reaching out for loftier goals for fear of failure and them telling us that they told us it wouldn't work. We may even stay in relationships with friends or otherwise, regardless of how unhealthy or unfruitful they may be, if for no other reason than us not wanting to be alone or not wanting to have to go through meeting a new person. Personally, I feel like this is an area where many of us can find ourselves and end up settling for what some may consider as a "normal life" only because it may seem safe. This is where, I think, recognizing the struggle (and need) of growth and being honest with oneself comes into play.


We often hear people tell others "I know you better than you know yourself". The truth of the matter is, that's probably a huge overstatement more times than it is not. You know yourself better than anyone else, or at least you should by the time you reach a certain age. That being said, you have to be honest with where you are in life in relation to where it is you want to be. Simply put, if you are not where you may have envisioned yourself, then you have to take a close look as to why. I mentioned earlier that it is important to acknowledge that something, someone or some circumstance may be in our way. The word acknowledge means to "accept or admit the existence or truth of." In this case, "the truth of" the matter would be the fact that there is something, someone or some circumstance that is preventing you from growing. Part of being honest with yourself is also accepting that you are, in fact allowing these things to be the obstacles in front of you. Not addressing these obstacles is allowing them to keep you from your growth. At one time I remember saying, in response to the concerns of a loved one who was trying to point out some of my own obstacles to me, that "I don't have time to worry about that". I realize now how foolish that sounded coming out of my mouth. In essence, what I was saying was that I didn't have time to acknowledge the thing(s) that were preventing my personal growth. Even though I was actively pursuing some of my goals, I was trying to push the obstacles along the way, as opposed to pushing them out of the way and moving forward, unimpeded by them. Therefore, I was making an already difficult struggle more difficult because I refused to admit to myself what these things were and what they were actually doing to me. It's hard to make the changes. Things tend to get even harder when one refuses to admit that the need for those changes actually exist. For me, this is a constant struggle as I am now seeing how important my own personal growth is, not just so that I can reach the goals I've set for myself but so that I continue to grow and challenge myself. It has definitely been a struggle and I am sure it will continue to be.


Sometimes things run their course. It may be time for you to change careers because you know you'd be more fulfilled doing something you love instead of doing something that only offers some level of security. Relationships of any sort sometimes get to a point where the parties involved are stuck in neutral, not making any real progress individually and as a couple. Your circumstances may be that you feel like you need to move to a different city or area where more opportunities exist, but you won't know anyone there or you may not want to be very far from your family. Growth often requires some sort of sacrifice and sometimes that sacrifice could just be your level of comfort. In any case, the effort to grow and continue to grow as an individual is by no means easy. The first step, though, is seeing the importance of personal growth. Then, look yourself in the mirror and honestly ask yourself "Am I happy with the person looking back at me?"