This piece was inspired by a few things, but most notably, realizing that I was placing my dreams on hold by unrealistic expectations not becoming manifest and the headspace I let that occupy...and also an impromptu conversation I had from an unexpected source...I hope they realize who they are when they read this...thanks for those few moments you took to inspire me, even though you didn't know you were at the time...
Well, this wasn't exactly how you planned it
is it?
timelines never work out
and
you never was much of a
by the numbers individual
so,
fuck the years you lost
tryna get here
you are here
as the universe planned it...
destination?
check!
scenery just as you'd imagined it
as a young writer
trying to mend a broken heart
that would break again
well into your adulthood
go ahead, sip your Sailor Jerry
from the white mug
your sister gave you
for Christmas
that year your dreams were fulfilled
that 36th chamber
those same dreams
that got you right here
on your porch
watching whales
not privy to your presence
not privy to the fact
that
they're the ones that inspired you
maybe even the same ones
your brother saw
when you came up with this
cockamamie idea
of ending up here
yeah
it's a little chilly out here
so
roll the collar up on that shawl neck
cable knit sweater you thought
the love of your life
would've knit for you
but
you had to settle for the Ralph Lauren one
you saw online
buying it just as a reminder
of where you were headed
motivation comes in all forms
and even though you let a few forms
slip by you
as you navigated the
turbulent tides that almost
kept you from getting here
realize
the tides that did actually get you here
crashed upon you just the same
so, maybe you should write her a letter
thanking her a little later on...
but for now
feel the cold Maine air
brush against your cheeks
that hold a little more gray hairs
now
yes, you're really here
your sister called about an hour ago
and said she was on her way
she said not to worry about
coming to pick her up
she'd take a taxi
from the airport
'cus she wanted to see you
as she rode up your driveway
standing on the porch
she always knew you would stand on
she prayed that you would
see your vision through
God's favor fell upon her
and maybe just enough of it
rubbed off on you
so, make sure a day doesn't go by
that you thank Him at least once
for her
Mom and Pop called the other day
and they were proud
despite you being so far away now
Pop joked that he thought you'd
never get out of their house
and you agreed that you never thought so either
ya'll talked about them moving here with you
but "you know how ya' mama is"
is how Pop replied
so you'd leave it at that
for now, you said to yourself
go ahead...plan to talk to her again
in a few days
No, this isn't
exactly how you planned things
this space feels so empty
from time to time
this was never supposed to be
a place for one
this was never just supposed to
be a house
it was meant to be a home
and maybe it still can be
but don't focus on that right now
focus on the mail that you have to
walk a quarter mile down
that gravel filled driveway
you swear you're gonna get paved
one day
see the address
go ahead
take another few sips from your mug
and remember everything
the highs
the lows
the nights anxiety nearly suffocated you
those early mornings you and insomnia
agreed to disagree
remember the phone calls
and text messages that flooded silent nights
and then suddenly stopped
remember your 1st book
then your 2nd
remember the novel detailing this journey
of yours
remember friends and confidants
that told you things you needed to hear
but almost always didn't want to
remember that kid
who vowed to never fall in love again
only to have love give him
what he never knew he needed
purpose
drive
motivation
inspiration
yes, love is the muse
you resisted for so long
only to have it assist you
getting to your destiny
so remember that, too
when you sit down in your office
pour you another helping
of your favorite rum
and open up your laptop
to pen your next piece
your next chapter
look out your window and see
the whales signaling your arrival
you are finally here...home
Friday, February 3, 2017
Saturday, January 14, 2017
All Hail to the Chief: Goodbye, Mr. President
Before I get started, I'd like to encourage you to read the article linked below. It's quite long and I am actually still reading it as I am penning this blog. But it, so far, is a very insightful look into Barack Obama, President. It's written by one of my favorite authors, Ta-Nehisi Coates, author of Between the World and Me.
My President Was Black
As January 20th approaches and we get ready to transition to the Donald Trump presidency, I can't help but wonder how things may change for Black people over the next four years. As I looked through my Instagram feed the day after Obama's farewell speech, many of those I follow expressed how much they admired the President and the First Lady. I felt the need to post my own tribute as well. What I noticed is that many people weren't just posting or expressing their feelings about Obama, the President. What touched them the most was the relationship that Barack and Michelle displayed so openly, one of support, of loyalty, of strength, of love. It came across as genuine, something not seen too often amongst public figures, especially amongst politicians. I think that is something that many Black Americans were drawn to in their admiration of the First Couple. I know it was something I was drawn to.
Some people on my feed bristled at the attention all us black folk were giving the Obamas. After all, these were "celebrities" that everyone was getting worked up over. Barack and Michelle don't know us, and we don't know them. They're going to go back to Chicago or stay in D.C. and go on living their life and we'll go back to or lives, filling the space some of us have for them with the pissed off angst that many of us will have for Trump and his rhetoric. But I think there is one thing that gets lost in this whole dynamic: We will more than likely never see this again.
Will we one day have another Black president? Maybe. I don't think that will come anytime soon because under the 8 years that Obama has held office, I think society has dictated that this was a once in a lifetime event. You know the saying, "everybody gets their one"? I feel like the actual election of Donald Trump was the American public saying that to Black America. They gave us our 'one', and now Trump is their path back to normalcy. White America is back with a vengeance, giving us our one so we can shut up our talk of a racist America. This is the America they want and this is the America they shall have. "Let history record that we gave you one, though!", is what I hear when I see Trump preparing for his upcoming 4 year term.
The politics of it all, was very interesting over the last eight years. Conversation on the ground was even more interesting, with white people going from pissed off that a Black person was president to hailing the day another white man would take his place. When he as re-elected, it seemed the countdown began to the day when the Obamas would leave office. There would be no more history to be made (aside from the type of history a country makes when they elect someone like Donald Trump to be president). No more progress with electing a much more qualified (and white!) woman into office. No, our country went full anti Obama and they were proud of it on election night. This was America taking it's country back! I had one of my coworkers say "It took us eight years to get a new president.", while another said that Trump was exactly what this country needed to get back on track. I've heard people say things like "It's a shame what has happened to free speech over the last eight years". I've even heard people blame Obama for the rash of police and other shootings against unarmed Black people that occurred, saying his rhetoric made race a divisive issue in this country. What I never heard from any of these people? The truth about the things that Obama was actually able to do, in spite of the major resistance and down right refusal to cooperate he experienced from his fellow lawmakers. I never heard my white counterparts express sadness over the rash of police brutality. I never heard reason. All I heard were reasons why they felt Obama was to blame.
Obama was the best of the best, as is often required by Black people when they are chosen for high regarded positions. He was often criticized for his interpretation of the constitution, even though, as a president that held a law degree and taught constitutional law, his understanding of the constitution was pretty clear. While it's true he did bend in some areas where a lot of us would have preferred to see him stand firm, those areas in which he held tight were major legislative changes that benefitted many Americans, Black and white. He stood for the people when tragedies occurred, he spoke out against wrongful actions and, when the need arose, he spoke for those who's voices were squelched for one reason or another. He walked a fine line between white and Black America but not once did he leave his Blackness outside of his presidency. He embraced it without being threatening. He governed in his Black body without ever having to compromise his Blackness. He made a lot of people believe that this country could and would change, mainly because he believed he was an example of that change. Obama really believed in America, as Coates noted in the article above, especially when he plainly stated, regarding a possible Trump presidency, that Trump couldn't win.
For a moment, I believed in America, too. When I voted for Barack Obama, that was the first time I had ever voted. I didn't want to vote for Obama, just because he was Black. so I checked out the other candidates and what they stood for. I remember telling my parent's, who don't vote, that I felt the need to vote because I couldn't live in a country where Sarah Palin could possibly become president. So I voted for Obama because I felt his message and I believed if he actually was elected and allowed to serve a full term as president, then maybe this country was changing. Eight years later, I now see that this country wasn't ready for that type of change and that it was never intended for this country to change. Obama knows it now, even though I think he may still believe it can change. While white America may feel like Obama's sometimes candid discussions on race lead to a more divisive climate, I think the racial divide became wider as a response to his presidency. White people with issues against minorities felt threatened by what they thought was a social shift that would no longer have them at an advantage. Those insecurities played out violently in some cases and when Black America reacted in outrage, protest and, in some cases, riots, we were looked upon as savages. Our motives were questioned, our tactics were marginalized and called unpatriotic. When we spoke up for our lives, we were called reverse racists. We were told not to discuss politics at work and whenever tragedies occurred that involved people that looked like us, it seemed at time that we were the only ones outraged. We talked about those issues amongst ourselves, while our white counterparts avoided any dialogue when things happened. There were no moments of solidarity when Dylan Roof murdered the Charleston 9. No one came by my desk and said anything in support. But I watched as many people stopped the officers I worked with and thanked them "for what you do"days after each shooting incident involving an unarmed Black person. I couldn't help but feel like I was being slapped in the face every time that happened, right next to me at times.
So our nation's first Black president will soon be a historical reference. His beautiful wife and two daughters will leave their mark on this country's history, for good. Obama will eventually be noted as one of our country' greatest presidents, as he rightfully should be. In pure comparison to where we were eight years ago, you cannot dispute that we are in a much better position economically than we were when George W. Bush left office. There are other things that we as a nation still have much work to do. It can be said that we have regressed as a nation when it comes to racial and social issues, but that is only true if you really believe real progress has been made. Having a Black person serve eight years as president in this country might seem like progress to some of us, but when you look at everything that has occurred over those eight years, can we really call this progress? Electing Donald Trump shows me this country has really never moved forward, but that it has made some concessions and allowances along the way.
My President Was Black
As January 20th approaches and we get ready to transition to the Donald Trump presidency, I can't help but wonder how things may change for Black people over the next four years. As I looked through my Instagram feed the day after Obama's farewell speech, many of those I follow expressed how much they admired the President and the First Lady. I felt the need to post my own tribute as well. What I noticed is that many people weren't just posting or expressing their feelings about Obama, the President. What touched them the most was the relationship that Barack and Michelle displayed so openly, one of support, of loyalty, of strength, of love. It came across as genuine, something not seen too often amongst public figures, especially amongst politicians. I think that is something that many Black Americans were drawn to in their admiration of the First Couple. I know it was something I was drawn to.
Some people on my feed bristled at the attention all us black folk were giving the Obamas. After all, these were "celebrities" that everyone was getting worked up over. Barack and Michelle don't know us, and we don't know them. They're going to go back to Chicago or stay in D.C. and go on living their life and we'll go back to or lives, filling the space some of us have for them with the pissed off angst that many of us will have for Trump and his rhetoric. But I think there is one thing that gets lost in this whole dynamic: We will more than likely never see this again.
Will we one day have another Black president? Maybe. I don't think that will come anytime soon because under the 8 years that Obama has held office, I think society has dictated that this was a once in a lifetime event. You know the saying, "everybody gets their one"? I feel like the actual election of Donald Trump was the American public saying that to Black America. They gave us our 'one', and now Trump is their path back to normalcy. White America is back with a vengeance, giving us our one so we can shut up our talk of a racist America. This is the America they want and this is the America they shall have. "Let history record that we gave you one, though!", is what I hear when I see Trump preparing for his upcoming 4 year term.
The politics of it all, was very interesting over the last eight years. Conversation on the ground was even more interesting, with white people going from pissed off that a Black person was president to hailing the day another white man would take his place. When he as re-elected, it seemed the countdown began to the day when the Obamas would leave office. There would be no more history to be made (aside from the type of history a country makes when they elect someone like Donald Trump to be president). No more progress with electing a much more qualified (and white!) woman into office. No, our country went full anti Obama and they were proud of it on election night. This was America taking it's country back! I had one of my coworkers say "It took us eight years to get a new president.", while another said that Trump was exactly what this country needed to get back on track. I've heard people say things like "It's a shame what has happened to free speech over the last eight years". I've even heard people blame Obama for the rash of police and other shootings against unarmed Black people that occurred, saying his rhetoric made race a divisive issue in this country. What I never heard from any of these people? The truth about the things that Obama was actually able to do, in spite of the major resistance and down right refusal to cooperate he experienced from his fellow lawmakers. I never heard my white counterparts express sadness over the rash of police brutality. I never heard reason. All I heard were reasons why they felt Obama was to blame.
Obama was the best of the best, as is often required by Black people when they are chosen for high regarded positions. He was often criticized for his interpretation of the constitution, even though, as a president that held a law degree and taught constitutional law, his understanding of the constitution was pretty clear. While it's true he did bend in some areas where a lot of us would have preferred to see him stand firm, those areas in which he held tight were major legislative changes that benefitted many Americans, Black and white. He stood for the people when tragedies occurred, he spoke out against wrongful actions and, when the need arose, he spoke for those who's voices were squelched for one reason or another. He walked a fine line between white and Black America but not once did he leave his Blackness outside of his presidency. He embraced it without being threatening. He governed in his Black body without ever having to compromise his Blackness. He made a lot of people believe that this country could and would change, mainly because he believed he was an example of that change. Obama really believed in America, as Coates noted in the article above, especially when he plainly stated, regarding a possible Trump presidency, that Trump couldn't win.
For a moment, I believed in America, too. When I voted for Barack Obama, that was the first time I had ever voted. I didn't want to vote for Obama, just because he was Black. so I checked out the other candidates and what they stood for. I remember telling my parent's, who don't vote, that I felt the need to vote because I couldn't live in a country where Sarah Palin could possibly become president. So I voted for Obama because I felt his message and I believed if he actually was elected and allowed to serve a full term as president, then maybe this country was changing. Eight years later, I now see that this country wasn't ready for that type of change and that it was never intended for this country to change. Obama knows it now, even though I think he may still believe it can change. While white America may feel like Obama's sometimes candid discussions on race lead to a more divisive climate, I think the racial divide became wider as a response to his presidency. White people with issues against minorities felt threatened by what they thought was a social shift that would no longer have them at an advantage. Those insecurities played out violently in some cases and when Black America reacted in outrage, protest and, in some cases, riots, we were looked upon as savages. Our motives were questioned, our tactics were marginalized and called unpatriotic. When we spoke up for our lives, we were called reverse racists. We were told not to discuss politics at work and whenever tragedies occurred that involved people that looked like us, it seemed at time that we were the only ones outraged. We talked about those issues amongst ourselves, while our white counterparts avoided any dialogue when things happened. There were no moments of solidarity when Dylan Roof murdered the Charleston 9. No one came by my desk and said anything in support. But I watched as many people stopped the officers I worked with and thanked them "for what you do"days after each shooting incident involving an unarmed Black person. I couldn't help but feel like I was being slapped in the face every time that happened, right next to me at times.
So our nation's first Black president will soon be a historical reference. His beautiful wife and two daughters will leave their mark on this country's history, for good. Obama will eventually be noted as one of our country' greatest presidents, as he rightfully should be. In pure comparison to where we were eight years ago, you cannot dispute that we are in a much better position economically than we were when George W. Bush left office. There are other things that we as a nation still have much work to do. It can be said that we have regressed as a nation when it comes to racial and social issues, but that is only true if you really believe real progress has been made. Having a Black person serve eight years as president in this country might seem like progress to some of us, but when you look at everything that has occurred over those eight years, can we really call this progress? Electing Donald Trump shows me this country has really never moved forward, but that it has made some concessions and allowances along the way.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
2017: A New Year for Continuance?
con-tin-u-ance
1. formal
the state of remaining in existence or operation
the extent of continuing
the quality of enduring
We all know how much of struggle 2016 has been for many of us. On so many levels, many of us experienced tragedies with the loss of loved ones or life changing events. We often look to the new year and say "This is gonna be my year", or variations of "I'm gonna leave this past year behind me". While there are years that we do make significant progress from the year before, many times we find ourselves repeating some of the same habits and mistakes that we vowed to work on in the new year. Does that mean we are bound to our flaws and that we are destined for another year of struggles? Does that mean the happiness we seek is unattainable? I don't think so.
I am by no means a motivational speaker. But I do see and pay attention to what I say to myself and post on social media as well as what others post and say to me in conversation. I don't think I have ever tried to make a New Year's resolution. I personally feel like doing so sets me up for failure. I struggle with continuous forward movement because, personally, I have a few regrets that I just can't shake. I find myself often pining over mistakes that I have made and opportunities that I have missed. If I had to chose a fatal flaw of mine, it would be that I seriously lack motivation sometimes. In trying to find new ways to motivate myself, I often look back on the pain that I harbor due to my past. I've come to find out that it eventually works but the time it takes, the agony and stress that I experience within the process ends up really not being worth it in most cases. The only time I feel like it was worth it was when I (finally!) released my book, Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit. In retrospect, that process cost me way more emotionally and otherwise than I was prepared to sacrifice. In the end, though, it is what it is. All I can do is learn from the experience, accept the fact that things are the way they are in some regards and hope that whatever amends that can be made, I am given the opportunity to do so.
But what does all that have to do with the new year and new beginnings? I think what happens when we try to "make new beginnings" is that we try to reinvent ourselves under this extremely crazy deadline of "a new year". While many, including myself, will lean towards better habits, exercising more, drinking less, etc., sometimes we forget that these are life changing events that really can't be realistically imposed starting on the 1st. Some succeed in making it happen. I for one have never succeeded in that regard. For me to reach the milestone that was the release of my book, I actually had to give myself a relaxed deadline of an entire year to say I wanted this to happen. I called this past year, my 36th, my own personal "36th Chamber" in reference to my admiration and affinity for my favorite hip-hop group, The Wu Tang Clan. There is a long explanation of what the 36th chamber is and for that explanation in regards to the old kung fu flick, you can follow this link. The short version is that the 36th chamber was a new chamber that a student, who had progressed through the 35 chambers of his martial arts training relatively quickly, wanted to create to teach martial arts to commoners. In my case, I looked at the 36th chamber as a moment of personal achievement, the point in my life where it was time for me to make the leap that I had been saying for too long that I wanted to. I turned 36 on October 1st, 2015 and by June 8th, 2016, my first book was published. That was the first thing I set out to do, other than releasing an independent hip hop album in 2005 at 25, that I saw through to it's fruition. 10 years later, might I add, lol!!!!
2016 was tough for a lot of us. Many of my close friends, co-workers and those in my extended poet/ artist family experienced tragic losses of family members and friends. I tried my best to not leave 2016 with a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted to continue on the path that I had traveled in 2016, although that path wasn't entirely as awesome as the release of my book. That truly was the highlight of my year, but as I mentioned earlier, the process to get to that point wasn't ideal. While there are sacrifices that need to be made to achieve anything of substance, you have to weigh the costs of those sacrifices and the impact that those sacrifices will have on you and those who love and care about you, and be ready to deal with the fallout. You have to own the decisions you make, good or bad and accept the consequences, again, good and bad. I came to the realization, as I reflected on 2016 alone at home New Year's Eve, that my 2016 was a direct result of how I chose to deal with certain things. I had good moments and bad moments, but most of those bad moments consisted of me making decisions and then agonizing over the things that occurred due to those decisions. Most of that came from indecisiveness in sticking to some of the things I felt I needed to do. Some of the agony came from not being able to accept some of those decisions, in that I couldn't control the outcome of said decisions. A good portion of the negative things I went though was me being pissed that I was allowing some things I had experienced to affect me to the point where I was dormant creatively, with a book on deck, trying to find ways to market and push the book, but finding myself not doing anything that I needed to do because my mind, heart and spirit wasn't right. I was completely responsible for that and the acknowledgement of that only motivated me in spurts. I allowed myself to be consumed by my own bullshit, and the acknowledgement of that kept me less than motivated more times than not.
Fortunately, I have people that noticed me going through something, reached out to me and encouraged me to fight through the funk that I fell into, due to negative situations that I had created. My sister, friends, my manager at work and others who knew of what I wanted to accomplish, pushed me to just talk, or sometimes, just listen to the advice they had to give. Some offered me books to read (Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates was a major mentality booster), others encouraged me to try different methods of meditation and refection, while others "forced" me to face my role in my own struggles. There were plenty of nights that I laid awake just trying to sift through what was going on. Weeks went by that I didn't sleep for more than an hour or two a night, at best. I had struggles at work, just trying to be there and be effective. Relationships with some people deteriorated and I questioned relationships that I found myself trying to cultivate. I found myself in the house many days doing absolutely nothing productive at all. I found ways to try to escape my thoughts and feelings but all those things did was enhance the anxiety, the worry, the over thinking. I am by no means out of the woods when it comes to a lot of these things, but I am truly looking to 2017 to continue in the work that friends like Marlanda 'Sapient Soul' Dekine, Shemu'el Namaste, Lindsey 'Flower' Stevens, Davelyn Hill, Scott Neely and Crystal Irby feel like I can be a part of. I want to be able to mend some of the broken relationships that I have and not allow things out of my control to hinder me from achieving what I feel is my destiny, to restrict my walk on my path. I want to be able to freely admit my flaws and openly express myself without hesitation. I want to follow through on my commitments much better than I currently do and I want to leave a lasting impression on each and every person that I meet or who reads my work. But most of all, I want to live free. Completely free.
So, am I about to make a New Year's resolution? Maybe, but I would like to think this is a life resolution that I feel like I laid the groundwork for starting on October 1st, 2015. 2016 was a learning experience for me, hands down. I believe 2017 can be, not a starting point for me but a continuation upon what I feel is the growth that I truly need to continue to get to where I see myself as a writer an artist but above all, a person. I want to always be in a position where I am always creating, always writing, always influencing, always living and working in the moment. I want everything I went through in 2016 to have been worth it.
1. formal
the state of remaining in existence or operation
the extent of continuing
the quality of enduring
We all know how much of struggle 2016 has been for many of us. On so many levels, many of us experienced tragedies with the loss of loved ones or life changing events. We often look to the new year and say "This is gonna be my year", or variations of "I'm gonna leave this past year behind me". While there are years that we do make significant progress from the year before, many times we find ourselves repeating some of the same habits and mistakes that we vowed to work on in the new year. Does that mean we are bound to our flaws and that we are destined for another year of struggles? Does that mean the happiness we seek is unattainable? I don't think so.
I am by no means a motivational speaker. But I do see and pay attention to what I say to myself and post on social media as well as what others post and say to me in conversation. I don't think I have ever tried to make a New Year's resolution. I personally feel like doing so sets me up for failure. I struggle with continuous forward movement because, personally, I have a few regrets that I just can't shake. I find myself often pining over mistakes that I have made and opportunities that I have missed. If I had to chose a fatal flaw of mine, it would be that I seriously lack motivation sometimes. In trying to find new ways to motivate myself, I often look back on the pain that I harbor due to my past. I've come to find out that it eventually works but the time it takes, the agony and stress that I experience within the process ends up really not being worth it in most cases. The only time I feel like it was worth it was when I (finally!) released my book, Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit. In retrospect, that process cost me way more emotionally and otherwise than I was prepared to sacrifice. In the end, though, it is what it is. All I can do is learn from the experience, accept the fact that things are the way they are in some regards and hope that whatever amends that can be made, I am given the opportunity to do so.
But what does all that have to do with the new year and new beginnings? I think what happens when we try to "make new beginnings" is that we try to reinvent ourselves under this extremely crazy deadline of "a new year". While many, including myself, will lean towards better habits, exercising more, drinking less, etc., sometimes we forget that these are life changing events that really can't be realistically imposed starting on the 1st. Some succeed in making it happen. I for one have never succeeded in that regard. For me to reach the milestone that was the release of my book, I actually had to give myself a relaxed deadline of an entire year to say I wanted this to happen. I called this past year, my 36th, my own personal "36th Chamber" in reference to my admiration and affinity for my favorite hip-hop group, The Wu Tang Clan. There is a long explanation of what the 36th chamber is and for that explanation in regards to the old kung fu flick, you can follow this link. The short version is that the 36th chamber was a new chamber that a student, who had progressed through the 35 chambers of his martial arts training relatively quickly, wanted to create to teach martial arts to commoners. In my case, I looked at the 36th chamber as a moment of personal achievement, the point in my life where it was time for me to make the leap that I had been saying for too long that I wanted to. I turned 36 on October 1st, 2015 and by June 8th, 2016, my first book was published. That was the first thing I set out to do, other than releasing an independent hip hop album in 2005 at 25, that I saw through to it's fruition. 10 years later, might I add, lol!!!!
2016 was tough for a lot of us. Many of my close friends, co-workers and those in my extended poet/ artist family experienced tragic losses of family members and friends. I tried my best to not leave 2016 with a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted to continue on the path that I had traveled in 2016, although that path wasn't entirely as awesome as the release of my book. That truly was the highlight of my year, but as I mentioned earlier, the process to get to that point wasn't ideal. While there are sacrifices that need to be made to achieve anything of substance, you have to weigh the costs of those sacrifices and the impact that those sacrifices will have on you and those who love and care about you, and be ready to deal with the fallout. You have to own the decisions you make, good or bad and accept the consequences, again, good and bad. I came to the realization, as I reflected on 2016 alone at home New Year's Eve, that my 2016 was a direct result of how I chose to deal with certain things. I had good moments and bad moments, but most of those bad moments consisted of me making decisions and then agonizing over the things that occurred due to those decisions. Most of that came from indecisiveness in sticking to some of the things I felt I needed to do. Some of the agony came from not being able to accept some of those decisions, in that I couldn't control the outcome of said decisions. A good portion of the negative things I went though was me being pissed that I was allowing some things I had experienced to affect me to the point where I was dormant creatively, with a book on deck, trying to find ways to market and push the book, but finding myself not doing anything that I needed to do because my mind, heart and spirit wasn't right. I was completely responsible for that and the acknowledgement of that only motivated me in spurts. I allowed myself to be consumed by my own bullshit, and the acknowledgement of that kept me less than motivated more times than not.
Fortunately, I have people that noticed me going through something, reached out to me and encouraged me to fight through the funk that I fell into, due to negative situations that I had created. My sister, friends, my manager at work and others who knew of what I wanted to accomplish, pushed me to just talk, or sometimes, just listen to the advice they had to give. Some offered me books to read (Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates was a major mentality booster), others encouraged me to try different methods of meditation and refection, while others "forced" me to face my role in my own struggles. There were plenty of nights that I laid awake just trying to sift through what was going on. Weeks went by that I didn't sleep for more than an hour or two a night, at best. I had struggles at work, just trying to be there and be effective. Relationships with some people deteriorated and I questioned relationships that I found myself trying to cultivate. I found myself in the house many days doing absolutely nothing productive at all. I found ways to try to escape my thoughts and feelings but all those things did was enhance the anxiety, the worry, the over thinking. I am by no means out of the woods when it comes to a lot of these things, but I am truly looking to 2017 to continue in the work that friends like Marlanda 'Sapient Soul' Dekine, Shemu'el Namaste, Lindsey 'Flower' Stevens, Davelyn Hill, Scott Neely and Crystal Irby feel like I can be a part of. I want to be able to mend some of the broken relationships that I have and not allow things out of my control to hinder me from achieving what I feel is my destiny, to restrict my walk on my path. I want to be able to freely admit my flaws and openly express myself without hesitation. I want to follow through on my commitments much better than I currently do and I want to leave a lasting impression on each and every person that I meet or who reads my work. But most of all, I want to live free. Completely free.
So, am I about to make a New Year's resolution? Maybe, but I would like to think this is a life resolution that I feel like I laid the groundwork for starting on October 1st, 2015. 2016 was a learning experience for me, hands down. I believe 2017 can be, not a starting point for me but a continuation upon what I feel is the growth that I truly need to continue to get to where I see myself as a writer an artist but above all, a person. I want to always be in a position where I am always creating, always writing, always influencing, always living and working in the moment. I want everything I went through in 2016 to have been worth it.
Monday, December 26, 2016
George Karl and the Irrelevancy of the White Perspective
I've tried attacking this topic a few times over the course of the past few days, in light of the comments said to have been made by former NBA head coach George Karl in a soon to be released book, titled Furious George. The comments were made in reference to Carmelo Anthony, J.R. Smith and retired player, Kenyon Martin and the time they all spent together as members of the Denver Nuggets. Karl said quite few things but he flashpoint comment was this:
"Kenyon and Carmelo carried two big burdens: all that money and no father to show them how to act like a man."
Shots. Fired.
Carmelo basically ignored the comments and took the high road. Kenyon Martin? Not so much. J.R. Smith said his peace but mainly chose to reach out in support of his former teammates, calling them his "brothers". While this has become heavy fodder for beat writers, reporters and sports TV and talk radio pundits, there is one glaring fact that many didn't pick up on, at least from the reactions of 'Melo and J.R.. That fact? Black America is over the white American perspective of who we are.
Now don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean that these comments and others like them are irrelevant to us. Not in the slightest. LeBron James' response to Phil Jackson's "posse" comments, in regards to him and his business partners, who just happen to be his childhood friends, shows that. But the white perspective is no longer relevant, at least in the scope of the accomplishments that we see from people who look like us. And while we are about to enter into a new year that will see Donald Trump elected president, we can look back on the last 8 years of the presidency of our first Black president and the things he was able to accomplish and know that, while we haven't completely "won" when it comes to the issues that continue to face us as Black people, we can stop caring about how white people, who still hold on to the white supremacy structure in this country, perceive us. We already know, and we will continue to fight against it where it is still necessary. But it will no longer hold us down. It will no longer hold us captive.
I chose to blog about this for one important reason. In my last blog I spoke about a Speaking Down Barriers "Healing Us" discussion that focused on how society views Black families. This, ironically taps right into that vein. We've grown accustomed to how white society views us. There have been times when our individuality wasn't encouraged, when we were advised to blend in and not be different. But culturally, we are very different. So for us to blend in, for us not to be different, that would be going against everything inside of us as a people and as individuals. Everything we have become has been based on us embracing the things that make us different. But what, you may ask, does this have to do with what George Karl said about his former players? It's the perceived and assumed rhetoric that upstanding young men have their fathers to guide them. This would be widely associated with what the American family is supposed to be. But in the Black community, where the number of young men who grow up without their fathers are still staggering, unguided young Black men is not a product of that. And "guided" young white men who come from a family where the father is present aren't by products of that environment either. The fact of the matter is, whatever struggles that George Karl had with Anthony, Smith and Martin during their time together had absolutely nothing to do with their fathers not being involved in their lives. Kenyon Martin said that such comments were an insult to his mother, Anthony's mother and single mothers "everywhere". I can't help but agree. To overcome the odds that these men did, not just from being raised by a single parent but also from the places they came from, shouldn't be overlooked. LeBron James often says that he relates to a lot of the youth that are counted out due to where they are from because he was supposed to be counted out, too. But the families that these men had were strengthened by whatever adversity they encountered, real and perceived. And these men grew from literal boys to men under the scope of assumptive white authority figures who had already cast them off just because of they way they looked or the way they responded to the white power structure, in the NBA and in society. Yes, these players didn't have fathers to show them anything, but they had mothers, aunts, cousins, grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles and neighborhood families and mentors to help guide them to a place where they became household names in a sport dominated my men who look like them and come from the same places they did. The ones who last 10+ years are special and there is no disputing that. Carmelo is in his 13th year as a top tier player, J.R. Smith is in his 12th year and just won a championship with LeBron and the Cavs and Kenyon Martin managed to play for 15 years, despite his reputation as a dirty player.
But we're talking about basketball players, here. All parties involved, including George Karl are millionaires and live in somewhat of a bubble. But the white perspective exists outside that bubble as well. When it comes to the issues that we are facing such as police brutality, economic and social injustices, political disparities, mass incarceration and so forth, that white perspective weighs in heavily on all those accounts. We are also looking at a situation where social, economic and racial "battle lines", as it were, are being drawn, as we can see with Trump preparing for his inauguration and the way his supporters show their allegiance to him and his ideals. In the past, the opportunities to close the wealth gap for young Black men laid in music and sports, for the most part. Nowadays, our youth are blazing their own paths and have to continue to do so. Young Black entrepreneurship is on the rise. Those who choose to take the path of music and sports are enhancing their brand and becoming businessmen in the process. Black women are staking their claims in the corporate world, showing that they are just as innovative and creative as their male counterparts, Black and white. Our communities are spawning leaders in activism, awareness and keeping our school age children in the loop for educational opportunities that, otherwise, they would think are not there for them. Where we come from is no longer an obstacle for us, it is our launch pad. We appreciate where we come from for it is our heritage, our legacy. Those individuals who filled in the gaps that may have existed in our lives gave us the faith in ourselves to get to where we want to go. What is perceived as a disadvantage to those who can't understand how we made it from whatever struggles we encountered, we use as strength and we dismiss their perspective. It has no relevance to us, no meaning whatsoever. Their opinions of us hold no weight.
So George Karl, I hope your book and the negative, asinine and misguided comments you made about the men you coached somehow provides motivation to the young Black girl or boy, young Black man or woman who has a coach, teacher, guidance counselor, classmate, boss, professor, neighbor, co-worker, etc. that thinks like you. I hope when they read it, they see how successful the men you spoke so negatively about are. I hope they look you up and research how unsuccessful you were as a coach in building real relationships with the men that played for your teams. I hope they learn of how you tried to bully your way back into coaching and ran into DeMarcus Cousins, arguably the best center in the game right now, who wasn't having any of what you were selling and how you were eventually fired...again. I hope they see all of this and realize how irrelevant the white perspective is these days in accordance to the dreams and goals they have set out from themselves.
“Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came, there are absolutely no limitations to where you can go.”
-James Baldwin
"Kenyon and Carmelo carried two big burdens: all that money and no father to show them how to act like a man."
Shots. Fired.
Carmelo basically ignored the comments and took the high road. Kenyon Martin? Not so much. J.R. Smith said his peace but mainly chose to reach out in support of his former teammates, calling them his "brothers". While this has become heavy fodder for beat writers, reporters and sports TV and talk radio pundits, there is one glaring fact that many didn't pick up on, at least from the reactions of 'Melo and J.R.. That fact? Black America is over the white American perspective of who we are.
Now don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean that these comments and others like them are irrelevant to us. Not in the slightest. LeBron James' response to Phil Jackson's "posse" comments, in regards to him and his business partners, who just happen to be his childhood friends, shows that. But the white perspective is no longer relevant, at least in the scope of the accomplishments that we see from people who look like us. And while we are about to enter into a new year that will see Donald Trump elected president, we can look back on the last 8 years of the presidency of our first Black president and the things he was able to accomplish and know that, while we haven't completely "won" when it comes to the issues that continue to face us as Black people, we can stop caring about how white people, who still hold on to the white supremacy structure in this country, perceive us. We already know, and we will continue to fight against it where it is still necessary. But it will no longer hold us down. It will no longer hold us captive.
I chose to blog about this for one important reason. In my last blog I spoke about a Speaking Down Barriers "Healing Us" discussion that focused on how society views Black families. This, ironically taps right into that vein. We've grown accustomed to how white society views us. There have been times when our individuality wasn't encouraged, when we were advised to blend in and not be different. But culturally, we are very different. So for us to blend in, for us not to be different, that would be going against everything inside of us as a people and as individuals. Everything we have become has been based on us embracing the things that make us different. But what, you may ask, does this have to do with what George Karl said about his former players? It's the perceived and assumed rhetoric that upstanding young men have their fathers to guide them. This would be widely associated with what the American family is supposed to be. But in the Black community, where the number of young men who grow up without their fathers are still staggering, unguided young Black men is not a product of that. And "guided" young white men who come from a family where the father is present aren't by products of that environment either. The fact of the matter is, whatever struggles that George Karl had with Anthony, Smith and Martin during their time together had absolutely nothing to do with their fathers not being involved in their lives. Kenyon Martin said that such comments were an insult to his mother, Anthony's mother and single mothers "everywhere". I can't help but agree. To overcome the odds that these men did, not just from being raised by a single parent but also from the places they came from, shouldn't be overlooked. LeBron James often says that he relates to a lot of the youth that are counted out due to where they are from because he was supposed to be counted out, too. But the families that these men had were strengthened by whatever adversity they encountered, real and perceived. And these men grew from literal boys to men under the scope of assumptive white authority figures who had already cast them off just because of they way they looked or the way they responded to the white power structure, in the NBA and in society. Yes, these players didn't have fathers to show them anything, but they had mothers, aunts, cousins, grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles and neighborhood families and mentors to help guide them to a place where they became household names in a sport dominated my men who look like them and come from the same places they did. The ones who last 10+ years are special and there is no disputing that. Carmelo is in his 13th year as a top tier player, J.R. Smith is in his 12th year and just won a championship with LeBron and the Cavs and Kenyon Martin managed to play for 15 years, despite his reputation as a dirty player.
But we're talking about basketball players, here. All parties involved, including George Karl are millionaires and live in somewhat of a bubble. But the white perspective exists outside that bubble as well. When it comes to the issues that we are facing such as police brutality, economic and social injustices, political disparities, mass incarceration and so forth, that white perspective weighs in heavily on all those accounts. We are also looking at a situation where social, economic and racial "battle lines", as it were, are being drawn, as we can see with Trump preparing for his inauguration and the way his supporters show their allegiance to him and his ideals. In the past, the opportunities to close the wealth gap for young Black men laid in music and sports, for the most part. Nowadays, our youth are blazing their own paths and have to continue to do so. Young Black entrepreneurship is on the rise. Those who choose to take the path of music and sports are enhancing their brand and becoming businessmen in the process. Black women are staking their claims in the corporate world, showing that they are just as innovative and creative as their male counterparts, Black and white. Our communities are spawning leaders in activism, awareness and keeping our school age children in the loop for educational opportunities that, otherwise, they would think are not there for them. Where we come from is no longer an obstacle for us, it is our launch pad. We appreciate where we come from for it is our heritage, our legacy. Those individuals who filled in the gaps that may have existed in our lives gave us the faith in ourselves to get to where we want to go. What is perceived as a disadvantage to those who can't understand how we made it from whatever struggles we encountered, we use as strength and we dismiss their perspective. It has no relevance to us, no meaning whatsoever. Their opinions of us hold no weight.
So George Karl, I hope your book and the negative, asinine and misguided comments you made about the men you coached somehow provides motivation to the young Black girl or boy, young Black man or woman who has a coach, teacher, guidance counselor, classmate, boss, professor, neighbor, co-worker, etc. that thinks like you. I hope when they read it, they see how successful the men you spoke so negatively about are. I hope they look you up and research how unsuccessful you were as a coach in building real relationships with the men that played for your teams. I hope they learn of how you tried to bully your way back into coaching and ran into DeMarcus Cousins, arguably the best center in the game right now, who wasn't having any of what you were selling and how you were eventually fired...again. I hope they see all of this and realize how irrelevant the white perspective is these days in accordance to the dreams and goals they have set out from themselves.
“Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came, there are absolutely no limitations to where you can go.”
-James Baldwin
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Rejecting the American Dream
What is the American Dream to me? I honestly couldn't tell you because I don't know if I ever dreamed to attain something that was never for me to attain. I know what other people's version of the American Dream is and I know that a Black man doesn't make an appearance in theirs. How do I know? Because the "Make America Great Again" version of whatever the American Dream is doesn't include anyone non-white and non-wealthy.
Read those second set of words again. "Non-wealthy". Yes, this includes white people who aren't millionaires. Electing Donald Trump to be president was America giving a businessman free reign to use his position, not for the benefit of everyday Americans, but to benefit his own personal business interests here and abroad and to benefit those with whom he shares a common interest with. That common interest? Wealth. You can see that by the appointments he has already made for his upcoming administration. None of his picks, aside from choosing Nikki Haley as UN Ambassador, speak of his intention to continue the momentum that the Obama administration had gained in trying to help the working poor and middle class. Most of Trump's political rhetoric has been based on repealing those efforts, including the Affordable Care Act which provided health care options for those who typically wouldn't be able to afford it. His plans for the continued boost our economy has seen under Obama are cloudy at best and his viewpoints (and, again, appointments) are clearly not empathetic towards immigrants, non-white citizens or those struggling to put food on their table everyday. Trump is like the complete embodiment of what the Republican agenda has been over the past eight years, except it is exponentially more extreme. It is unapologetic, brash, arrogant and exclusionary. And apparently, that is what America wants. And that is what America has now, a unscrupulous businessman as their president.
So what is left for all of those on the outside of what the "American Dream" was supposed to mean for them? To be honest, nothing. I say that because now, especially for Black people, there needs to be a redefinition of what it is that we dream for. A cookie cutter version of the American dream used to be a house with a white picket fence, 2.5 children, a dog and a nice car or two. While many Americans, of color and otherwise, had been able to achieve that in the past, even that may no longer be accessible to those still in pursuit of it. At least not in the conventional way of going to work everyday, saving some money and planning out your financial future. In one of the recent community "Healing Us" gatherings that I attended through Speaking Down Barriers, we discussed how even the traditional way families are viewed and constructed, especially Black families, never traditionally fit into that American Dream mold. It is a construct that wasn't built for us, so there is really no way we can succeed by trying to do it the way those who it was constructed for do it. I've worked a regular job ever since I was 15 (aside from the years between 19 and 20 when I volunteered) and I've never had a time where I didn't live from check to check. Now as a younger person, I made some mistakes with my money that I wish I could go back and correct. But as an older person with bills and desires to be financially stable, the check to check lifestyle is consistently the space in which I operate. It has become clearer to me more over the past four years that working to achieve this American Dream, that was never constructed for me, the way those for whom it was constructed for works to achieve it is an effort in futility.
Case in point: At one point, say in the mid to late 90's, if a person was making around $50,000 living in a major city, people could say that they were doing well. If that same person was married to someone making close to the same and they had kids, then that family would have been said to be doing pretty well. Fast forward to 2016-17 and those same salary numbers no longer hold the security they once did. There are families that would be considered working middle class that worry about their jobs, they worry about how they are going to pay for their children's tuition, how they are going to combat rising insurance premiums. Now, consider a person who makes less than $30,000 a year. Consider that same person with less opportunities to advance at their current place of employment unless they attain a degree. Consider that they would have to hold another part-time job in an effort to make ends meet. Consider that would more than likely not leave them any time to pursue any other endeavors outside of working, just to be able to live a somewhat normal life. Is that what the American Dream is for folks who aren't extremely wealthy? If so, then you can have that dream and I will make my own.
In reading Ta-Nehisi Coates Between the World and Me, an open letter to his son, he also spoke of rejecting the American Dream. He spoke of "a rapture that comes only when you can no longer be lied to, when you have rejected the Dream." I personally think there is an entire society, an entire system that we as Black people and other people of color have to reject in order to have our own breakthrough, not just financially but also to our own personal freedoms. There is so much culture, so much talent, so much ambition, so much genius that is never cultivated because there have been limitations placed on us from the start. Crystal Irby, the facilitator at the "Healing Us" gathering, talked about how our parents may have been trying to point us in the right direction just as their parents tried o do the same. Our parents and their parents were trying to assimilate into a society that was chasing this American Dream that was sold to them as a possibility. And some of us may have been able to attain that Dream, but many have had to overcome great odds to do so. Chris Rock once said that he lives in a neighborhood in which the houses are worth millions of dollars. There were four Black people that lived there at the time and they were fellow celebrities, including him. These celebrities, along with himself, were at the top of their respective professions. They were famous. He went on to joke (maybe) that his next door neighbor was a dentist. A dentist. The bit goes on to speculate whether or not he was an alright dentist, probably not the top dentist in his profession. But yet, that dentist could afford to live in a community amongst four well known Black celebrities. So to be able to attain, somewhat, what society has constructed as this Dream that is so-called available to everyone, as a person of color, you have to be at the top of your profession, or at least better than the average dentist.
While some of this is a little lighthearted, the truth of the matter is that we have to blaze our own paths, write our own tickets, create our own Dream. We have to channel our gifts, instill in our youth the reality that this society holds and understand that all of this is nothing new. We have leaders who are dedicated to building up our next generation of leaders. These are not politicians or celebrities. These are community activists, founders of non-profit organizations designed to unite our communities, other organizations that also support artists, writers, poets, musicians, etc. These are young ones empowered by their own journeys that want to empower others that come from the same communities they do. These are the people who will forge the paths for those have rejected this false American Dream, who know what "Make America Great Again" really means, who know that we, as a people who have been marginalized but yet still remain, are what makes this country of ours great. Our successes are not defined by what society dictates they are. The Black Influence on pretty much everything American defines our successes, it defines who we are and where we are going. The Dream that includes us will be different to each and every one of us because it will be based on the experiences that we as individuals have lived through. Our separate paths to it will be different as well because it will be based on a construct of our own design as individuals and as a people. But it will be a realistic Dream to attain. Just wait and see.
Read those second set of words again. "Non-wealthy". Yes, this includes white people who aren't millionaires. Electing Donald Trump to be president was America giving a businessman free reign to use his position, not for the benefit of everyday Americans, but to benefit his own personal business interests here and abroad and to benefit those with whom he shares a common interest with. That common interest? Wealth. You can see that by the appointments he has already made for his upcoming administration. None of his picks, aside from choosing Nikki Haley as UN Ambassador, speak of his intention to continue the momentum that the Obama administration had gained in trying to help the working poor and middle class. Most of Trump's political rhetoric has been based on repealing those efforts, including the Affordable Care Act which provided health care options for those who typically wouldn't be able to afford it. His plans for the continued boost our economy has seen under Obama are cloudy at best and his viewpoints (and, again, appointments) are clearly not empathetic towards immigrants, non-white citizens or those struggling to put food on their table everyday. Trump is like the complete embodiment of what the Republican agenda has been over the past eight years, except it is exponentially more extreme. It is unapologetic, brash, arrogant and exclusionary. And apparently, that is what America wants. And that is what America has now, a unscrupulous businessman as their president.
So what is left for all of those on the outside of what the "American Dream" was supposed to mean for them? To be honest, nothing. I say that because now, especially for Black people, there needs to be a redefinition of what it is that we dream for. A cookie cutter version of the American dream used to be a house with a white picket fence, 2.5 children, a dog and a nice car or two. While many Americans, of color and otherwise, had been able to achieve that in the past, even that may no longer be accessible to those still in pursuit of it. At least not in the conventional way of going to work everyday, saving some money and planning out your financial future. In one of the recent community "Healing Us" gatherings that I attended through Speaking Down Barriers, we discussed how even the traditional way families are viewed and constructed, especially Black families, never traditionally fit into that American Dream mold. It is a construct that wasn't built for us, so there is really no way we can succeed by trying to do it the way those who it was constructed for do it. I've worked a regular job ever since I was 15 (aside from the years between 19 and 20 when I volunteered) and I've never had a time where I didn't live from check to check. Now as a younger person, I made some mistakes with my money that I wish I could go back and correct. But as an older person with bills and desires to be financially stable, the check to check lifestyle is consistently the space in which I operate. It has become clearer to me more over the past four years that working to achieve this American Dream, that was never constructed for me, the way those for whom it was constructed for works to achieve it is an effort in futility.
Case in point: At one point, say in the mid to late 90's, if a person was making around $50,000 living in a major city, people could say that they were doing well. If that same person was married to someone making close to the same and they had kids, then that family would have been said to be doing pretty well. Fast forward to 2016-17 and those same salary numbers no longer hold the security they once did. There are families that would be considered working middle class that worry about their jobs, they worry about how they are going to pay for their children's tuition, how they are going to combat rising insurance premiums. Now, consider a person who makes less than $30,000 a year. Consider that same person with less opportunities to advance at their current place of employment unless they attain a degree. Consider that they would have to hold another part-time job in an effort to make ends meet. Consider that would more than likely not leave them any time to pursue any other endeavors outside of working, just to be able to live a somewhat normal life. Is that what the American Dream is for folks who aren't extremely wealthy? If so, then you can have that dream and I will make my own.
In reading Ta-Nehisi Coates Between the World and Me, an open letter to his son, he also spoke of rejecting the American Dream. He spoke of "a rapture that comes only when you can no longer be lied to, when you have rejected the Dream." I personally think there is an entire society, an entire system that we as Black people and other people of color have to reject in order to have our own breakthrough, not just financially but also to our own personal freedoms. There is so much culture, so much talent, so much ambition, so much genius that is never cultivated because there have been limitations placed on us from the start. Crystal Irby, the facilitator at the "Healing Us" gathering, talked about how our parents may have been trying to point us in the right direction just as their parents tried o do the same. Our parents and their parents were trying to assimilate into a society that was chasing this American Dream that was sold to them as a possibility. And some of us may have been able to attain that Dream, but many have had to overcome great odds to do so. Chris Rock once said that he lives in a neighborhood in which the houses are worth millions of dollars. There were four Black people that lived there at the time and they were fellow celebrities, including him. These celebrities, along with himself, were at the top of their respective professions. They were famous. He went on to joke (maybe) that his next door neighbor was a dentist. A dentist. The bit goes on to speculate whether or not he was an alright dentist, probably not the top dentist in his profession. But yet, that dentist could afford to live in a community amongst four well known Black celebrities. So to be able to attain, somewhat, what society has constructed as this Dream that is so-called available to everyone, as a person of color, you have to be at the top of your profession, or at least better than the average dentist.
While some of this is a little lighthearted, the truth of the matter is that we have to blaze our own paths, write our own tickets, create our own Dream. We have to channel our gifts, instill in our youth the reality that this society holds and understand that all of this is nothing new. We have leaders who are dedicated to building up our next generation of leaders. These are not politicians or celebrities. These are community activists, founders of non-profit organizations designed to unite our communities, other organizations that also support artists, writers, poets, musicians, etc. These are young ones empowered by their own journeys that want to empower others that come from the same communities they do. These are the people who will forge the paths for those have rejected this false American Dream, who know what "Make America Great Again" really means, who know that we, as a people who have been marginalized but yet still remain, are what makes this country of ours great. Our successes are not defined by what society dictates they are. The Black Influence on pretty much everything American defines our successes, it defines who we are and where we are going. The Dream that includes us will be different to each and every one of us because it will be based on the experiences that we as individuals have lived through. Our separate paths to it will be different as well because it will be based on a construct of our own design as individuals and as a people. But it will be a realistic Dream to attain. Just wait and see.
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
New Caprica
You can listen to this spoken word piece here.
land your spaceships here
these are fertile grounds for new beginnings
the soil is just fine
radioactivity
caused others to flee
because their channels weren't tuned
in to the right frequency
but somehow
you all heard the signal
a distress call
to undress the norms
and
clothe the possibilities
that exist within us all
so it's the Cylons vs. the humans, right?
man's creations vs. man
evolving
as we devolve
back to the protoplasmic goo
that we once thought we were saved from
the matrix is an old idea
so
this is the new way of thinking
fuck pills
you gotta plant seeds in this fertile soil
so that the Earth's fruit can grow
feeling like Justin Blackburn
we can do anything
say anything
move mountains with our minds
if only because we realize we can
so what are your limitations?
If you're thinking right
you realize you have none
you realize you have none
you realize you have none
not even the one you see everyday
'cus mirrors lie to you
but your eyes never do
so can you trust your reflection
if you catch it looking back at you
from oceans?
That's not man made creation
so the reflection is natural
not fabricated by one's own false perception
of what "real" is
fall out of love
and fall into your feelings
because love is just a word
but your feelings can be exposed
or
stowed away for safe keeping
so
plant seed and keep reaping
what you have sown
keep wearing what you have sewn
with hands that were made to create
were made to touch
were made to feel electric energy
pass between you and her
her and him
her and her
him and him
get your mind out of that box
and into your spaceship
and land where the roses grow
not from concrete
but from fertile soils of your mind
begin again if you have to
even if you don't feel
like you have the energy to
fuck new year's resolutions
make revolutions
that revolves around dreams
around stars
around suns that releases its rays
upon you
restoring your tired soul
like Kal-El after Kryptonian exposure
land your spaceships here
and embrace this rebirth of you
spirit
energy
pure.
Thank you to Marlanda "Sapient Soul" Dekine for helping record this song and for the flourish at then end!!!
land your spaceships here
these are fertile grounds for new beginnings
the soil is just fine
radioactivity
caused others to flee
because their channels weren't tuned
in to the right frequency
but somehow
you all heard the signal
a distress call
to undress the norms
and
clothe the possibilities
that exist within us all
so it's the Cylons vs. the humans, right?
man's creations vs. man
evolving
as we devolve
back to the protoplasmic goo
that we once thought we were saved from
the matrix is an old idea
so
this is the new way of thinking
fuck pills
you gotta plant seeds in this fertile soil
so that the Earth's fruit can grow
feeling like Justin Blackburn
we can do anything
say anything
move mountains with our minds
if only because we realize we can
so what are your limitations?
If you're thinking right
you realize you have none
you realize you have none
you realize you have none
not even the one you see everyday
'cus mirrors lie to you
but your eyes never do
so can you trust your reflection
if you catch it looking back at you
from oceans?
That's not man made creation
so the reflection is natural
not fabricated by one's own false perception
of what "real" is
fall out of love
and fall into your feelings
because love is just a word
but your feelings can be exposed
or
stowed away for safe keeping
so
plant seed and keep reaping
what you have sown
keep wearing what you have sewn
with hands that were made to create
were made to touch
were made to feel electric energy
pass between you and her
her and him
her and her
him and him
get your mind out of that box
and into your spaceship
and land where the roses grow
not from concrete
but from fertile soils of your mind
begin again if you have to
even if you don't feel
like you have the energy to
fuck new year's resolutions
make revolutions
that revolves around dreams
around stars
around suns that releases its rays
upon you
restoring your tired soul
like Kal-El after Kryptonian exposure
land your spaceships here
and embrace this rebirth of you
spirit
energy
pure.
Thank you to Marlanda "Sapient Soul" Dekine for helping record this song and for the flourish at then end!!!
Thursday, November 24, 2016
Between the Election and Me
"I have never had so many emotions coursing through my Black body at one time...it's hard not to view life through that lens, especially now, as a Black man who will watch as our first Black president laves office and hands over this country to the worst possible option. And the majority of the people I work with, walk past in the store, smile at in courtesy, hold my toungue when I try to help them as part of my job and they lash out at me, meet on the street through friends who just want to see the good in everyone, even some people that look like me, voted for this man. They voted for what he stood for, they voted for the hate, they voted for the disgusting things he said about womenm they voted for what he said about immigrants, they voted for America to be 'great again'. I can't help but feel like they voted against me and the people I love and care about. They voted against our children, born and unborn. They voted against equality, they voted against tolerance, they voted against progress. The women who voted for him voted against themselves, white and non-white. These are the people who say they want to make this country great again but the act of voting for a man who only ever did what was best for himself is not great or admirable. It's arrogant, it's ignorant, it's scary and it is sad. We had the choice of two evils, there is really no way to look past that. But this country voted for the greater evil in a manner that came across as vindictive, almost in a manner of vengeance for having to endure a Black man in the White House. They voted for a man because his opponent was a woman, with political credentials, mind you, even though this man had no political history at all. Because he was the only white male to chose from. There is no way I can look at this any differently because this man has dominated headlines and news programs for a year or more, clearly stating his views and never backing down from them. THIS IS THE COUNTRY MY BLACK BODY LIVES IN. I AM CLEARLY SEPARATE, UNEQUAL TO THE AGENDA OF MANY AROUND ME. I see that clearer than I thought I saw it before. I am not disappointed, I feel commissioned. I'm burning with intent and purpose. I am forever changed. More to come... #speakonitwithmaxlit #speakingdownbarriers #preparation #ready #willing #able #here #comeforme (facebook post 11/10/16, the day after Election Day).
This started out as a facebook status update but when I finished, it morphed into something more in my mind. Could it be a new spoken word piece? I don't know. But as I read it, I felt power behind the words. They were empowering. They expressed exactly how I felt, not just about Trump but also about those individuals who, seemingly, found a way to justify voting for him. I came across an article later on in the day and I felt that my feelings weren't off in any way, shape, form or fashion. It was an open letter to the Evangelical Church from a Black, middle class Evangelical Christian woman. Now I am not an Evangelical Christian by any means, but her sentiments helped me sift through some of my own feelings about what has just transpired with this election. One comment in particular stuck with me:
"Today is not the day to try and compare your feelings of eight years ago to their feelings today. Your life, your citizenship, your very existence was not minimized, marginalized or under attack; and it is not today."
This started out as a facebook status update but when I finished, it morphed into something more in my mind. Could it be a new spoken word piece? I don't know. But as I read it, I felt power behind the words. They were empowering. They expressed exactly how I felt, not just about Trump but also about those individuals who, seemingly, found a way to justify voting for him. I came across an article later on in the day and I felt that my feelings weren't off in any way, shape, form or fashion. It was an open letter to the Evangelical Church from a Black, middle class Evangelical Christian woman. Now I am not an Evangelical Christian by any means, but her sentiments helped me sift through some of my own feelings about what has just transpired with this election. One comment in particular stuck with me:
"Today is not the day to try and compare your feelings of eight years ago to their feelings today. Your life, your citizenship, your very existence was not minimized, marginalized or under attack; and it is not today."
I remember watching
the election results with friends and realizing our feelings and reactions
being very similar to the feelings and reactions of a lot of white Americans
when Obama was elected in 2008. They felt like because a Black man was taking
office, a socialist according to many of them, that their castles were about to
come crashing down. They felt threatened by the power that he had been given
and they felt betrayed by their own government. Before Obama was elected, it
was improper to speak against the office of the president. It became trendy
during the Obama administration. Today, we have Black people saying that we
have to respect the office of president, despite who holds the seat. And that
we do. But I cannot respect a man who doesn't even respect those who actually
voted for him, let alone those who didn't. The outrage on this side of things
isn't based on theory of Trump's citizenship or his hidden agenda. It isn't
based on misquotes and conspiracy theories regarding his religion. And it isn't
even wholly based on Trump as an individual, even though that carries a huge
amount of weight. The outrage is based on the fact that this man ran on a
platform of white American elitism, unabashedly. And won.
As of recent numbers, Hillary Clinton's popular vote lead over Donald Trump is around 1.7 million votes. But as we all very well know, that means
absolutely nothing when it comes to winning elections. The telling numbers in
that popular vote, though, at least to me, is the split between white Americans
with college degrees and those without. According to the Pew Research Center,
two-thirds (67%) of non-college whites backed Trump, compared with just 28% who
supported Clinton. This resulted in a 39 point advantage for Trump among this
group. This, again, may not mean much to most people but, to me, it says that
even among those who wouldn't seem to be the type of people that a legitimate
elitist agenda would be for or inclusive to them, they chose Trump over Hillary
because of biases and prejudices. Whether it was because Hillary was connected to the Obama administration as
Secretary of State or if it was just because she was a woman can't be
legitimately determined. While there were concerns over her using a private
server for confidential documents, her handling of the Benghazi situation and
funding concerns with the Clinton Foundation, she was a legitimately qualified candidate. Very flawed, but legitimate. Trump's
qualifications, or lack thereof, can't be overlooked. And neither can what he
stands for. And a voter stands for, at least some of, whatever it is that the
candidate they voted for stands for, whether we like to admit that fact or not.
And what does Trump stand for? The laundry list is well known.
How can minorities and
women as a whole not feel marginalized today? How can we not feel
like America being "great again" doesn't include us? How did some
women and even some Black people, in some cases even Democratic voters, vote
for Donald Trump? What does that say about where we have come as a nation?
Again, this isn't specifically nailing Donald Trump to the wall, even though
that would be very easy to do. And it isn't me chafing at people's right to
vote for whoever they decide to vote for. This is recognition of what the
majority of the most of the white American public feels "American
Greatness" is, even if it doesn't actually include them. And it is obvious
that a white male heterosexual dominated society is what everyone who voted for
Trump, of every race, color, creed and gender, feel this "great
America" should be.
Is that last comment too extreme? No, and I will tell you why. The election of Barack Obama to this country's highest office could have and should have been a turning point in our American history, a history that has been riddled with gross injustices, indecencies and crimes against its own people, not to mention the slaughter of the indigenous tribes of this land and the enslavement of Africans and the placing of Japanese Americans in interment camps during WWII. The fact that it polarized our country is not surprising but it seemed
as if maybe the thaw of white male supremacy in this country was, at least, beginning. But as racial and social issues were moved to the forefront of the American consciousness, as more marginalized groups began to speak out, as more and more people began to reject the American elitist agenda and began to embrace a more inclusionary one, the racist agendas of what was once thought to be an old ideology came roaring back. Black American men, woman and children became literally caught in the crosshairs of police and ordinary citizens (not to say that this started then, it just became more visible, as did the lack of justice to those responsible). Religious groups stepped up their shunning of those who didn't fit their warped agendas, American citizen or not. Children and adults that were struggling to find and establish their sexual identities were attacked, in some case violently and fatally, in ways we hadn't seen in decades. And finally, the line was drawn in dramtic fashion on Election night 2016 when Donald Trump, a man completely unqualified in many people's opinion to run the country, was elected to do just that.
Does anyone now still have issues with Colin Kaepernick or anyone else NOT standing for the national anthem?
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