This is not the way I saw things turning out. Things were supposed to be much different than this. I am lost, not sure of the next step to take. I'm not even sure if I want to continue the story of this path I have chosen because all the characters are screwed up. There are people who I knew would still be here that are gone now. There are people that I thought were gone that have come back. I've made some decisions that I regret and own, and there are some decisions that I am not sure of. I am recognizing what actually is and was going on regarding the most difficult situation I am trying to overcome. I am struggling to admit the whole of what that was and is. Some days I can't believe it and other days I get so angry with myself for not seeing it for what it truly was, even as everyone around me repeatedly tried to get me to see it. Was I naive or just stupid? Did I cause all of this? Has it changed me for better or for worse?
These are the thoughts that run through my mind on a daily basis now. Those who know me personally know why. For those who don't know me personally, I'll put a little bit of it out there to give context to the rest of this post.
A relationship with someone I've known for about 15 years ended rather abruptly.
Those words were really hard to type. I'm still not ready to really speak about it fully in this forum but I touched on it slightly in my last post. For the past 15 years, the relationship I had with this person impacted every facet of my life. There were major ups and even more major downs. There were some major benefits to having this person in my life. I saw a future with this person. When that part of the relationship broke down for various reasons, I felt that I still needed this person in my life. I tried to make amends and, for the past two years, I really thought I was making some progress in salvaging at least a friendship.
But on the day I turned 39, the whole thing ended.
Almost daily, I find myself trying to understand the events that led up to the decisions I made that day regarding this relationship. The interesting thing is, for about three months prior, I had been seriously examining the role it played in the current trajectory my life was on and how that fit into my goals and plans for the future. My good friend Davelyn Hill, who is a Level II Reiki Practitioner and a spiritual midwife (look her up on Facebook here), held a Spiritual Movement session for me in an effort to help me identify and release any negative energy that I may have been holding onto. A few friends agreed to be a part of the session, speaking candidly and honestly about some of the things they had noticed with me overall and in regards to this relationship. It was very tough to see people I care deeply about, and who obviously cared about me, speak about such a sensitive topic for me. There was no bashing of the person, just honest dialogue and encouraging sentiment. The onus was really on me and what it was that I was trying to achieve moving forward.
There was also a Reiki session. Davelyn said that the particular ritual she did for me was for "clearing and removing blockages in the chakras and aura" and for "healing energy". At the time, I had a very limited knowledge about chakras, auras and spritual energy. I was open to anything that could help get me "unstuck" and help me move forward with the goals I had set out for myself. Davelyn told me it could help, so I agreed. The experience was...jarring, to say the least.
As far as the ritual, Davelyn placed some stones on different places on my body that represented select Chakra points as I laid on the floor with my eyes closed. Those that participated in the session were told to speak out loud the things they wanted to help remove from me and to act as if they were actually pulling these things away from me as they spoke. I can't remember all the things that were spoken but few of those things were self-doubt, guilt, addictions, fear, toxic relationships, etc. As the ritual went on, I began to see colors as my eyes were closed. First blue, then orange and then yellow. Then a swirl of black came in and image of a person formed, but just a shadow. The image started off seemingly far away but then it slowly came closer and closer. This repeated maybe 3 or 4 times while the colors changed a little bit, mainly remaining on either blue or purple.
Every time the image of this person started to move away, I could hear my own voice in my head saying "Don't go". At one point, I could hear my voice pleading with the image to stay. I could also hear the voices of the other participants still speaking on the things they wanted to be removed from me, but I couldn't hear their words. The image of the person was beginning to move further and further away and, at one point, the voice in my head stopped pleading for it to stay. I could hear my voice saying "Okay, okay. I release you. I am ready to move on and I wish for you the same." The voice may have said this 4 or 5 times. My heart rate sped up a little and I could feel anxiety coming over me. I remember being afraid that I might become overwhelmed with emotion right there on the floor or have a panic attack. The image kept moving further and further away until it was gone, disappearing in the same swirl of black that it appeared in just a few moments ago. The purple color vanished into a flash of white and the ritual was over.
Afterward, after everyone had left, I was physically and mentally exhausted. I felt empty. I had never experienced anything like that, at all. I was drained, in every sense of the word. A few people who weren't able to attend the session but knew what was planned asked how I was doing and, when I told them, suggested that I fill up on things that would bring positive energy to me. Work on some things that you've been putting off, be around people with good energy, etc. One friend told me if you don't fill up on positive things, that space can quickly be filled with the old or new negative energy.
So, I did my best to follow that advice. Over the next few months, I focused more on the energy that I was receiving into my space, the things that I really needed to work on (procrastination, time management, excessive drinking, better eating and exercise, recognizing toxicity in myself and others, etc.) and what role this relationship was going to play in my future.
From Sunday July 5th, to my birthday, Monday October 1st, little did I know, the Universe had already set in motion what I had manifested in that spiritual movement session. I wanted to let go off whatever it was that was holding me back but I wasn't really doing all that I could have and should have been doing to align myself with what I was saying I wanted. But you know what they say, if you speak it into existence, it will happen.
And it did!
What I have come to realize since this relationship came to an abrupt end is that the outcome really had nothing to do with this person. It had everything to do with me. I had to make some tough decisions if I wanted to release myself from the state of mind that I was allowing this relationship to keep me in. I had to admit and accept the role I played in the relationship being what it was at that point, but also admitting and accepting that the season for the both of us had long ago been over. I had tried to prolong it out of guilt for my actions years back, but also because I was stuck in the past and not ready to imagine a life completely without this person. But once I manifested that I wanted my life to move forward, that I wanted to put myself in a position to be successful and reach the goals I had set out for myself, the Universe listened and began to conspire.
I shared this because I am still progressing through the steps of releasing and moving forward. I feel like sharing is part of that. I am also learning how powerful our thoughts and manifestations really are. Along with that, I am learning how powerful our purposes are as well. When you surround yourself with people who are aligned with your purpose, and you are constantly at work at your purpose, nothing will stop it. Your own actions and decisions might delay it for a while, but the Universe will put things in motion, according to your manifestations. This will happen with or without your participation.
Change is never easy, especially when it comes to relationships that we have with people. It's even harder when you recognize what changes you have to make in yourself to fulfill your purpose. With that comes admitting to yourself that you've played a role in your own spiritual and energetic "paralysis", as it were. It isn't easy to accept that you've harboring toxic behavior, either your own or from others. Admitting that you can't make the hard decisions that would greatly increase your chances of fulfilling your purpose can be a serious gut check. But once you accept the change that is necessary, whether you facilitate it or someone else does, the Universe will see to it that your manifestations become reality.
"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings". -Lao Tzu
And to the Universe, I say "Thank You", regardless of how painful this process has been.
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Monday, October 22, 2018
Another Year (SEASON) Gone By
I usually don't reflect a whole lot on my birthday. I try to enjoy the day or the weekend by just being around good people, my friends and family. I grew up not celebrating birthdays so I never really placed a whole lot of importance on them, except for the fact that I was another year older.
As I got older, the value of my time and how I was spending it was becoming more and more important to me. When I turned 20, I was volunteering at the headquarters of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society in Brooklyn, NY. I was also going through a very contemplative period in which I was trying to figure out my spirituality and if being a Jehovah's Witness was what I wanted to do. When I turned 25, I had been in Greenville, SC for about 3 years and was working on being a rapper. When my 30th birthday rolled around, I began to wonder what I was actually going to do with the rest of my life. I was feeling like I had wasted my younger years by not putting forth enough effort to frame my life.
At 36, I released my first book Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit. There were a lot of things changing in my life at that time and I was really confused as to where the path that I was on was taking me. My perception of life in general was changing. Personal relationships with people, friends and family, were changing. I was changing. I didn't quite know who I was becoming and my future wasn't as clear as I had hoped it to be by that time. There were things I knew I needed to do, but I wasn't ready. Some decisions were being made for me by others, whether I liked it or not. One thing was clear, though.
I had a lot more growing to do (note: I didn't say growing up but growing).
I turned 39 on Oct 1, one more year until I am 40, and this has been the most revealing birthday of them all. I've realized that just as people are in your life for a season, you are in other peoples lives for a season as well. These seasons will come to their end, whether you want it to or not. You can try your best to hold on, to extend the season. But when it's over, it's over. And there is almost nothing you can do about it.
There are many of us who don't handle change very well, and that's very understandable. We get used to our routines: We have our favorite coffee shops we go to before work, our favorite shows we watch, our favorite t-shirt, etc. But what happens when the coffee shop closes or that show we love gets cancelled? What happens when we wear out our favorite t-shirt or we can no longer fit it? Do we stop drinking coffee altogether? Do we stop watching TV? Do we abandon wearing t-shirts, convinced that we will never find another t-shirt that we can call our favorite? Of course not! We adapt. We find another coffee place or we end up making coffee at home. We find a new show to watch and we buy another t-shirt. We may have to go through a couple of coffee spots before we find one that we can again call our own, we may have to scan through Netflix or Hulu for a while trying to find another show and we may have to buy a number of t-shirts before we find the one that we can call our favorite again. But eventually, we are back into our familiar routine and life is back to normal.
The same can be applied when we find ourselves facing the end of seasons with people. We get so used to certain people being in our lives, whether they are friends or more than friends, and the idea of them no longer being around is rarely entertained. We get used to texting them, calling them, eating with them, spending lazy weekends with them, etc. We may even have made advance plans for trips with them or may have been planning a future with them. But all of a sudden (or not all of a sudden), things change and for whatever reason, that person or group of persons are no longer in our lives. Sometimes it's our choice but most times it isn't. We may feel like we've been left holding this emotional bag, with many things left unsaid or unanswered. But the truth is, this change is happening. We have to accept it, no matter how hard it may seem to be.
What I have found to be helpful is embracing such changes, full on. Recognizing the purpose these people played in our lives can play a HUGE role in us being able to overcome their season ending. Identifying the positives and negatives of the season these people spent in our lives can help us see the growth we may or may not have experienced. This can be somewhat of a difficult task because it forces us to see who we are as individuals. It makes us ask ourselves the tough questions, like:
Was this person good for me?
Was I good for that person?
Did I hold on to a person or situation, selfishly, for too long?
Did I allow myself to stay in a toxic relationship, friendship or situation for fear of being alone?
Was I the toxic person?
Our emotions can dictate how we answer these questions but it is very important that we answer them honestly. It can be hard to admit that a person may have not been good for you and even harder to admit that maybe you weren't good for them. Part of embracing the change that is occurring is finding ways to improve and continue to grow in spite of what is happening. You may find flaws within yourself that you need to work on, so identifying those are key to your growth. What you may also find is relief from the constant struggle you were experiencing by existing in a situation that may have never been meant for you, or was only meant for you for a season.
Think about all the energy that goes into resisting a changing situation that you have no control over. Think about the sleepless nights you've experienced because your spirit was troubled. Think about the unanswered text messages, the mixed signals, the self doubt you experienced trying to find answers to unanswered questions. Think about the questions you knew the answers to but didn't want to admit them to yourself.
Now think about release, letting go of all that negative energy. Letting the change happen. Think about that first night of the best sleep you have had in awhile. Think about the peace you have been searching for that you finally have. Think about the new season you are entering because you let the old season run it's course.
Every year has four seasons, right? Embrace this Fall, prepare for the Winter, wait for the new life that will bloom next Spring so you can enjoy your Summer!
Ase.
As I got older, the value of my time and how I was spending it was becoming more and more important to me. When I turned 20, I was volunteering at the headquarters of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society in Brooklyn, NY. I was also going through a very contemplative period in which I was trying to figure out my spirituality and if being a Jehovah's Witness was what I wanted to do. When I turned 25, I had been in Greenville, SC for about 3 years and was working on being a rapper. When my 30th birthday rolled around, I began to wonder what I was actually going to do with the rest of my life. I was feeling like I had wasted my younger years by not putting forth enough effort to frame my life.
At 36, I released my first book Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit. There were a lot of things changing in my life at that time and I was really confused as to where the path that I was on was taking me. My perception of life in general was changing. Personal relationships with people, friends and family, were changing. I was changing. I didn't quite know who I was becoming and my future wasn't as clear as I had hoped it to be by that time. There were things I knew I needed to do, but I wasn't ready. Some decisions were being made for me by others, whether I liked it or not. One thing was clear, though.
I had a lot more growing to do (note: I didn't say growing up but growing).
I turned 39 on Oct 1, one more year until I am 40, and this has been the most revealing birthday of them all. I've realized that just as people are in your life for a season, you are in other peoples lives for a season as well. These seasons will come to their end, whether you want it to or not. You can try your best to hold on, to extend the season. But when it's over, it's over. And there is almost nothing you can do about it.
There are many of us who don't handle change very well, and that's very understandable. We get used to our routines: We have our favorite coffee shops we go to before work, our favorite shows we watch, our favorite t-shirt, etc. But what happens when the coffee shop closes or that show we love gets cancelled? What happens when we wear out our favorite t-shirt or we can no longer fit it? Do we stop drinking coffee altogether? Do we stop watching TV? Do we abandon wearing t-shirts, convinced that we will never find another t-shirt that we can call our favorite? Of course not! We adapt. We find another coffee place or we end up making coffee at home. We find a new show to watch and we buy another t-shirt. We may have to go through a couple of coffee spots before we find one that we can again call our own, we may have to scan through Netflix or Hulu for a while trying to find another show and we may have to buy a number of t-shirts before we find the one that we can call our favorite again. But eventually, we are back into our familiar routine and life is back to normal.
The same can be applied when we find ourselves facing the end of seasons with people. We get so used to certain people being in our lives, whether they are friends or more than friends, and the idea of them no longer being around is rarely entertained. We get used to texting them, calling them, eating with them, spending lazy weekends with them, etc. We may even have made advance plans for trips with them or may have been planning a future with them. But all of a sudden (or not all of a sudden), things change and for whatever reason, that person or group of persons are no longer in our lives. Sometimes it's our choice but most times it isn't. We may feel like we've been left holding this emotional bag, with many things left unsaid or unanswered. But the truth is, this change is happening. We have to accept it, no matter how hard it may seem to be.
What I have found to be helpful is embracing such changes, full on. Recognizing the purpose these people played in our lives can play a HUGE role in us being able to overcome their season ending. Identifying the positives and negatives of the season these people spent in our lives can help us see the growth we may or may not have experienced. This can be somewhat of a difficult task because it forces us to see who we are as individuals. It makes us ask ourselves the tough questions, like:
Was this person good for me?
Was I good for that person?
Did I hold on to a person or situation, selfishly, for too long?
Did I allow myself to stay in a toxic relationship, friendship or situation for fear of being alone?
Was I the toxic person?
Our emotions can dictate how we answer these questions but it is very important that we answer them honestly. It can be hard to admit that a person may have not been good for you and even harder to admit that maybe you weren't good for them. Part of embracing the change that is occurring is finding ways to improve and continue to grow in spite of what is happening. You may find flaws within yourself that you need to work on, so identifying those are key to your growth. What you may also find is relief from the constant struggle you were experiencing by existing in a situation that may have never been meant for you, or was only meant for you for a season.
Think about all the energy that goes into resisting a changing situation that you have no control over. Think about the sleepless nights you've experienced because your spirit was troubled. Think about the unanswered text messages, the mixed signals, the self doubt you experienced trying to find answers to unanswered questions. Think about the questions you knew the answers to but didn't want to admit them to yourself.
Now think about release, letting go of all that negative energy. Letting the change happen. Think about that first night of the best sleep you have had in awhile. Think about the peace you have been searching for that you finally have. Think about the new season you are entering because you let the old season run it's course.
Every year has four seasons, right? Embrace this Fall, prepare for the Winter, wait for the new life that will bloom next Spring so you can enjoy your Summer!
Ase.
Sunday, September 16, 2018
Serena Did The Right Thing
This post was originally supposed to be about the fallout of Nike's decision to make Colin Kaepernick the face of their latest ad campaign. I was going to address the protests and "boycotting", the burning of Nike products, the banning of them by companies and even city departments and the ongoing controversy of kneeling (or potential kneeling) during the national anthem at NFL football games by players.
And then, this happened.
And then, Australian cartoonist Mark Knight drew this and the Herald Sun published it.
And then, tennis great Martina Navratilova wrote this.
And then, Stephen A. Smith said this on ESPN (I'll have to address this in another post).
Others have chimed in as well. One other article was noted as calling the men's US Open final "classy" in contrast to the "Serena Williams-umpire mess" that transpired in the women's final. Former tennis player and current NBC sports analyst Mary Carillo said, speaking of Williams, that "at her very best...I respect and admire Serena beyond measure...but at her very worst, and she was on this night, she acts like a bully." She went on to say that "a lot of the people weighing in and saying double standard, I'm saying, you know what? That is not the hill you want to die on?"
Excuse me, what?
I didn't exactly know what Mary Carillo meant by "...that is not the hill you want to die on?" so I looked up the term. It basically a sort of warning, like "do you really want to insist your point about this?" I would imagine Mary Carillo felt like Serena had no leg to stand on in her argument against a very real double standard because of the way she acted. Martina Navratilova wrote in the article noted above that "there is a huge double standard when it comes to how bad behavior is punished" in relation to men's and women's tennis in this case but that Serena Williams "got it wrong" in implying that "if men can get away with it, we should, too". She went on to say "The question we have to ask ourselves is this: What is the right way to behave to honor our sport and respect our opponents?"
Again, excuse me, what?
Yes, there are rules of etiquette in the sport of tennis as a whole. There are in every sport. When it comes to tennis, there are a number of disparities that can be pointed out in the way the men's game is disciplined versus the women's game. Almost everyone who has commented on this particular point has agreed to that. But some of those people, like Mary Carillo, seem to feel that Serena shouldn't be making that the basis of her argument, considering she has a history of "acting out" when she feels like she has been treated unfairly. But you know what Serena also has a long history of?
Being treated unfairly!
Serena has become the champion she is simply by will and skill alone. She really hasn't had the support of her contemporaries, because most of them have complained about how "unfair" they thought it was that she was stronger, faster and simply better than they were. She's been openly mocked by people she's called friends. She's been unfairly judged during tennis matches. The French Open recently instituted a dress code banning Serena's "catsuit" that she wore to help in her battle against blood clots. French Tennis Federation President Bernard Giudicelli mentioned Williams' outfit specifically and said "it will no longer be accepted. One must respect the game and place."
It has been very thoroughly documented that Serena Williams has been treated very differently throughout her entire tennis career. She's been drug tested far more extensively than her counterparts based upon nothing else other than her "imposing" physical appearance and subsequent power. She has been mocked for her appearance by rival tennis players. There's the Indian Wells incident in 2001 where Serena and her sister Venus drew the ire of fans, reporters and journalists, after Venus had to pull out of their semifinal match due to injury (Serena was 19 and Venus was 20 at the time). It was suggested then that their father, Richard Williams, was dictating which one of them would win the matches they played against one another.
Serena has managed to still dominate a sport that was never designated for her well past what most would consider her prime. At 36 years old, she was on the cusp of winning her 24th singles major championship, which would have tied Margaret Court for the most, not just in women's tennis history, but in tennis history altogether (Roger Federer holds the men's record at just 20).
She has been called a diva. She has been called difficult. This weekend, it was implied that she was a cheater, when it has been noted that "coaching" from the stands is not only commonplace, it has been generally accepted. She's been labeled classless.
Why?
Because she is a Black Woman dominating a sport that was never meant for her or anyone who looks like her. The sport never accepted her and they are ready to move on from her.
The only problem is, Serena ain't ready to go.
The demise of great Black athletes in sports like tennis, golf, baseball and other American and global sports that have yet to fully embrace them are always anticipated. Golf accepted what Tiger Woods, the golfer, brought to the sport. More exposure, more advertisement dollars, more viewers and higher ratings. They never really accepted him as a Black human being, though. Once his star dimmed, once is human flaws were exposed, once his driver and his putter began to fail him as well, the world's use for him was done. The golf world began looking for it's next big white star because, frankly, they never wanted him in the first place. The same goes for tennis and the Williams sisters, but much more so for Serena. Serena's star was much brighter; the advertising world embraced her as did pop culture. She kept winning but also kept enduring the ills society kept heaping upon her. Each time Serana was injured, analysts wondered if she would come back and continue to dominate. Each time, with each passing year, she did. When she took a year off to have a baby, many analysts thought that would be the end once again. It wasn't. When Wimbeldon granted her special seeding for the tournament, taking her pregnancy into consideration, many felt she was being granted an unfair advantage (in 2017 Maria Sharapova, returning from a 2 year ban for testing positive for a banned substance, was granted a wild card for the US Open which happened to be the 10th wild card she received since her return from the ban). This year, she came back and continued to dominate and made it to the US Open Final against Naomi Osaka. Maybe she was over confident, as were many of Serena's fan present at the match and watching on television (myself included). Anyone who has seen Serena knows she is a fierce competitor.
She cracked. Not under the pressure of losing a match she felt she was supposed to win. She cracked under the pressure of being superhuman but no longer being able to just play tennis in the face of constant mistreatment. The double standard was staring her in the face, for her as a woman and as a Black athlete. She already knew what was going to happen because it had already been happening to her for her whole career. The backlash was going to be severe. She was going to be blamed for taking the spotlight away from a burgeoning star, another woman of color. She was going to be made out to be the villain and her point was going to be lost on her actions.
And yet, she saw the importance of having to act within the moment. This was way bigger than her and her so called "righteous indignation". This was about right versus wrong on so many levels. This was about Naomi Osaka not ever having to go through the things Serena has gone through and was going through at that very moment. Serena has been having to be the better person in the face of a sport trying to dictate the way she is supposed to act her entire career, while other white players past and present, men and women alike, have been able to just be themselves.
I, personally, am proud of her.
And then, this happened.
And then, Australian cartoonist Mark Knight drew this and the Herald Sun published it.
And then, tennis great Martina Navratilova wrote this.
And then, Stephen A. Smith said this on ESPN (I'll have to address this in another post).
Others have chimed in as well. One other article was noted as calling the men's US Open final "classy" in contrast to the "Serena Williams-umpire mess" that transpired in the women's final. Former tennis player and current NBC sports analyst Mary Carillo said, speaking of Williams, that "at her very best...I respect and admire Serena beyond measure...but at her very worst, and she was on this night, she acts like a bully." She went on to say that "a lot of the people weighing in and saying double standard, I'm saying, you know what? That is not the hill you want to die on?"
Excuse me, what?
I didn't exactly know what Mary Carillo meant by "...that is not the hill you want to die on?" so I looked up the term. It basically a sort of warning, like "do you really want to insist your point about this?" I would imagine Mary Carillo felt like Serena had no leg to stand on in her argument against a very real double standard because of the way she acted. Martina Navratilova wrote in the article noted above that "there is a huge double standard when it comes to how bad behavior is punished" in relation to men's and women's tennis in this case but that Serena Williams "got it wrong" in implying that "if men can get away with it, we should, too". She went on to say "The question we have to ask ourselves is this: What is the right way to behave to honor our sport and respect our opponents?"
Again, excuse me, what?
Yes, there are rules of etiquette in the sport of tennis as a whole. There are in every sport. When it comes to tennis, there are a number of disparities that can be pointed out in the way the men's game is disciplined versus the women's game. Almost everyone who has commented on this particular point has agreed to that. But some of those people, like Mary Carillo, seem to feel that Serena shouldn't be making that the basis of her argument, considering she has a history of "acting out" when she feels like she has been treated unfairly. But you know what Serena also has a long history of?
Being treated unfairly!
Serena has become the champion she is simply by will and skill alone. She really hasn't had the support of her contemporaries, because most of them have complained about how "unfair" they thought it was that she was stronger, faster and simply better than they were. She's been openly mocked by people she's called friends. She's been unfairly judged during tennis matches. The French Open recently instituted a dress code banning Serena's "catsuit" that she wore to help in her battle against blood clots. French Tennis Federation President Bernard Giudicelli mentioned Williams' outfit specifically and said "it will no longer be accepted. One must respect the game and place."
It has been very thoroughly documented that Serena Williams has been treated very differently throughout her entire tennis career. She's been drug tested far more extensively than her counterparts based upon nothing else other than her "imposing" physical appearance and subsequent power. She has been mocked for her appearance by rival tennis players. There's the Indian Wells incident in 2001 where Serena and her sister Venus drew the ire of fans, reporters and journalists, after Venus had to pull out of their semifinal match due to injury (Serena was 19 and Venus was 20 at the time). It was suggested then that their father, Richard Williams, was dictating which one of them would win the matches they played against one another.
Serena has managed to still dominate a sport that was never designated for her well past what most would consider her prime. At 36 years old, she was on the cusp of winning her 24th singles major championship, which would have tied Margaret Court for the most, not just in women's tennis history, but in tennis history altogether (Roger Federer holds the men's record at just 20).
She has been called a diva. She has been called difficult. This weekend, it was implied that she was a cheater, when it has been noted that "coaching" from the stands is not only commonplace, it has been generally accepted. She's been labeled classless.
Why?
Because she is a Black Woman dominating a sport that was never meant for her or anyone who looks like her. The sport never accepted her and they are ready to move on from her.
The only problem is, Serena ain't ready to go.
The demise of great Black athletes in sports like tennis, golf, baseball and other American and global sports that have yet to fully embrace them are always anticipated. Golf accepted what Tiger Woods, the golfer, brought to the sport. More exposure, more advertisement dollars, more viewers and higher ratings. They never really accepted him as a Black human being, though. Once his star dimmed, once is human flaws were exposed, once his driver and his putter began to fail him as well, the world's use for him was done. The golf world began looking for it's next big white star because, frankly, they never wanted him in the first place. The same goes for tennis and the Williams sisters, but much more so for Serena. Serena's star was much brighter; the advertising world embraced her as did pop culture. She kept winning but also kept enduring the ills society kept heaping upon her. Each time Serana was injured, analysts wondered if she would come back and continue to dominate. Each time, with each passing year, she did. When she took a year off to have a baby, many analysts thought that would be the end once again. It wasn't. When Wimbeldon granted her special seeding for the tournament, taking her pregnancy into consideration, many felt she was being granted an unfair advantage (in 2017 Maria Sharapova, returning from a 2 year ban for testing positive for a banned substance, was granted a wild card for the US Open which happened to be the 10th wild card she received since her return from the ban). This year, she came back and continued to dominate and made it to the US Open Final against Naomi Osaka. Maybe she was over confident, as were many of Serena's fan present at the match and watching on television (myself included). Anyone who has seen Serena knows she is a fierce competitor.
She cracked. Not under the pressure of losing a match she felt she was supposed to win. She cracked under the pressure of being superhuman but no longer being able to just play tennis in the face of constant mistreatment. The double standard was staring her in the face, for her as a woman and as a Black athlete. She already knew what was going to happen because it had already been happening to her for her whole career. The backlash was going to be severe. She was going to be blamed for taking the spotlight away from a burgeoning star, another woman of color. She was going to be made out to be the villain and her point was going to be lost on her actions.
And yet, she saw the importance of having to act within the moment. This was way bigger than her and her so called "righteous indignation". This was about right versus wrong on so many levels. This was about Naomi Osaka not ever having to go through the things Serena has gone through and was going through at that very moment. Serena has been having to be the better person in the face of a sport trying to dictate the way she is supposed to act her entire career, while other white players past and present, men and women alike, have been able to just be themselves.
I, personally, am proud of her.
Friday, September 7, 2018
Chasing Illusions?
We chase unattainable things that attract our spirits
making us feel the things
that make us forget
how tortured we are...
in a reality
that makes no sense
unless
our senses
are stimulated
in ways that make drugs seem pointless
that makes alcohol
a waste of water and sugar
that makes food
and meaningful conversation
the best ending
to the worse days...
we watch
as relationships
sour
because
our lights weren’t bright enough
our energies weren’t tuned enough
our priorities were so misplaced
that we
stuck to the rules
instead of not giving a fuck
long enough to cross over
instead of not believing
that there really are no rules
to things that make our souls
overflow with things that we
can’t describe
because the words
haven’t been invented...
there is pain.
there is joy.
there is lust.
there is contentment.
there is satisfying your lover
because you love them
more than you love yourself
but
that is a rule
that only some of us follow
and
some of us don’t even know
what love is
and
so some of us
fake it until we make it
and
making it
usually means
breaking the hearts of those that
already knew there
weren’t any rules
and
we just couldn’t grasp that
concept...
not ready...
too scared too jump
but
I jumped twice
and
there was nothing there
to break my fall
to catch my spirit
as my physical body stalled
thinking this was the moment
that something inside of me
had been preparing me for all along
not knowing what it was called
but knowing how it felt
and
it felt like death both times
it feels like death each time
I see people like me
get their worlds shattered
by illusions we create
only to realize
that it wasn’t illusions we were creating
we were living in destinies
designed for us
by us
several lifetimes
before getting it right
and
when we got it right
we didn’t even know it
because
someone sold us on rules
that only applied to those
unsure of what it was
that was before them
there has got to be a blueprint to the madness,
right?
There has got to be a way
there has got to be some
sort of structure
there has got to be a thing
that tells us
how life works
and if we follow it to the T
we should be okay,
right?
Well, if being okay
is the
“okay”
you want to settle for
then I guess there are
4 billion
4 hundred and
44 million
4 hundred and
44 thousand
4 hundred and
44 different blueprints
that we could subscribe to
to tell us that being okay
is enough
but
what is okay if it is someone else’s version
of what “okay” is?
See,
that’s the lie
and the problem is
there really isn’t anything
that we can use to
refute the lies
that we believe in every single day
‘cus the lie
is the truth that we have been
told
is the lie...
So, what do you believe in?
I mean, what is left to believe
in?
We have an advanced society
that is convinced that going backwards
will Make America Great Again
we have people promoting hate
as the new love
we have people afraid to make connections
because the connections
they made in the past
almost destroyed them
you have artists and creatives
unsure of their abilities
because "likes"
trump investing
reposting passively supports
and nobody supports anyone these days
if there isn’t anything in it for them
so
how the hell can anyone love anyone
in a world like this?
There isn’t an answer that I can tell you
but
there might be an answer that I can help you feel
the only problem is,
you have to ask
the right question
first...
Thursday, September 6, 2018
Recognizing Your Own Dopeness is the Next Step
When you know you're DOPE!
When LeBron James confidently (or arrogantly, depending on who you talk to) stated after a loss to the Golden State Warriors in Game 5 of the 2015 NBA Finals that he was "the best player in the world", a lot of people threw shade. They were down 3 games to 2. His All-Star teammates, Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love were out of the series due to injury. LeBron had scored 123 total points over the first three games of the series, an NBA Finals record. He was averaging 45 minutes and 36.6 points per game. No one was picking the Cavs to win this series. A reporter had asked him why was he still so confident.
I, for one, wouldn't have expected him to answer that question any differently. You don't get to where LeBron is in his world without having confidence in yourself and your abilities. A reporter asked a question and he gave an answer that, although debatable, couldn't really be refuted at that time. And even though his team lost that series, he brought the (healthy) Cavs right back the next season and beat the Warriors in Game 7 (after being down 3 games to 1) to win Cleveland's first NBA championship and the first sports title in 42 years.
Each and every one of us have our own gifts to offer the world. As a writer, I am always trying to find ways to improve my craft. Often times, others come to me for advice on being a better writer and my message is always the same: Until you believe in your gifts, nothing that I can say will work for you.
Or in other words: Know your dopeness!
While you will probably never hear me say that I am the best writer, poet, MC, etc., in the world, I've put a lot of work into what I've done. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I thought I was good, even longer to be able to say it to others. People who have asked me what makes me confident in the work I have done may have heard me say things like "I know my shit is dope!" or something along the lines of "I write for me first". This is not to say that I don't doubt my ability from time to time. Like I said, I am always looking to improve, to become a better writer, to broaded my subject matter. When I have an idea for a novel or a poem or even a screenplay, I try to capture those moments as soon as they come to me. Not every idea is good, but I know a few of them can be if I develop them fully and put in the work to make them as good as possible. I may ask people who are writers to check out what I have and I may ask some non-writers to do the same. It isn't for validation, though. It's usually for any constructive criticism these individuals may have to offer. But whenever I put forth the effort to write anything, I always feel like the finished product is pretty dope. If I didn't feel that way, I wouldn't have thought it was worth it to write in the first place. If I didn't feel like people would read my blog, I wouldn't post (and I KNOW, I need to post more often).
I feel that I am a pretty dope writer. There is nothing wrong with me saying it, so I don't have any problem saying it.
I know people who are dope painters, artists, writers, sculptors, singers, graphic designers, poets, spoken word artists, etc., who either don't believe they are dope or have a problem actually saying it. A good friend of mine, who I think is an awesome writer, feels like she needs some sort of training in creative writing before she can offer her gifts to the world. I feel like one of the biggest hurdles creatives face, especially those of us who are Black, is the idea that we have to be certified in our crafts to be viewed as "good". I'm not saying that attending a workshop here and there can't help you in honing your craft but some of history's greatest creatives weren't formally trained. They didn't have to be. Art comes from the heart, not from a classroom or an online course in grammar or creative writing.
I think when one begins to question their dopeness, or if they are any good at what they do, it may be that they are losing their passion for their craft. Or they may not have been real passionate about it in the first place. A lot of times, we are blessed with natural talent that we just go with that talent because it comes generally easy to us. As we work towards our goals with our gifts, things may begin to feel like a chore. It begins to feel like work. You are starting to not love your gift. You are beginning to feel like you are wasting your time.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
Ask yourself, "What is it that I want to get out of my gift?"
For me, writing gives me a sense of freedom. I love to speak freely on topics that mean something to me and that I know means something to those who I am close to and who may think like I do. It's not hard at all for me to write, when I actually get the time to do so. The hard part is pushing myself to stay on track with the goals I have. I already have one published book, but life has sort of gotten in the way and I am trying to push through this holding pattern and move on to new projects for myself and other authors. What I want is to use my abilities to continuously keep publishing my work, develop screenplays (maybe sell one and see it become a movie!), publish other authors, maybe write for online productions and one day move to Maine and continue my career as a writer of novels and short stories from my cabin in the mountains or on the coast. Very specific, I know! But all of that is where my passion lies. I don't have any doubt that as along as I continue to stay on track with my craft, because I do truly believe in my dopeness, that I can make all of that a reality.
Is it really that simple? For me, it is. I see in other people that it isn't for them, and that is ok. It wasn't always that simple for me and it took others coaxing me and letting me know that they thought I was dope for it to start to sink in. When people actually purchased my book, I began to really believe it. Sometimes, we just need others to believe in us to give us the validation we need. A lot of times, though, we have a whole tribe of people believing in us and we still doubt our abilities. If this is where you are as a creative of any sort, it may take you stepping out of your comfort zone and taking some risks for you to finally recognize your own dopeness. Maybe you're an aritst and you've never done a show. Maybe you are a writer but you've never tried to publish your work, or your efforts to get published haven't been fruitful. Sometimes, we have to go back to the drawing board, re-evaluate our efforts and/ or strategies and push forward with a renewed sense of motivation. There may be times where we actually have to re-evaluate our path, go back to zero and move in a completely different direction than the one we were initially on. Sometimes, we are good at a number of things and we just have to find the one thing that we are great at.
Success never comes easy. We will have many doors closed, sometimes slammed in our faces. Some people may see what we are doing and go out of their way to prevent us from succeeding. All of that is to be expected. It will test our spirit and our resolve. It will make us better. It will help us clearly determine our path and make our dopeness that much clearer.
LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND SAY "I'M THE BEST __________ IN THE WORLD!"
Your championship awaits.
Each and every one of us have our own gifts to offer the world. As a writer, I am always trying to find ways to improve my craft. Often times, others come to me for advice on being a better writer and my message is always the same: Until you believe in your gifts, nothing that I can say will work for you.
Or in other words: Know your dopeness!
While you will probably never hear me say that I am the best writer, poet, MC, etc., in the world, I've put a lot of work into what I've done. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I thought I was good, even longer to be able to say it to others. People who have asked me what makes me confident in the work I have done may have heard me say things like "I know my shit is dope!" or something along the lines of "I write for me first". This is not to say that I don't doubt my ability from time to time. Like I said, I am always looking to improve, to become a better writer, to broaded my subject matter. When I have an idea for a novel or a poem or even a screenplay, I try to capture those moments as soon as they come to me. Not every idea is good, but I know a few of them can be if I develop them fully and put in the work to make them as good as possible. I may ask people who are writers to check out what I have and I may ask some non-writers to do the same. It isn't for validation, though. It's usually for any constructive criticism these individuals may have to offer. But whenever I put forth the effort to write anything, I always feel like the finished product is pretty dope. If I didn't feel that way, I wouldn't have thought it was worth it to write in the first place. If I didn't feel like people would read my blog, I wouldn't post (and I KNOW, I need to post more often).
I feel that I am a pretty dope writer. There is nothing wrong with me saying it, so I don't have any problem saying it.
I know people who are dope painters, artists, writers, sculptors, singers, graphic designers, poets, spoken word artists, etc., who either don't believe they are dope or have a problem actually saying it. A good friend of mine, who I think is an awesome writer, feels like she needs some sort of training in creative writing before she can offer her gifts to the world. I feel like one of the biggest hurdles creatives face, especially those of us who are Black, is the idea that we have to be certified in our crafts to be viewed as "good". I'm not saying that attending a workshop here and there can't help you in honing your craft but some of history's greatest creatives weren't formally trained. They didn't have to be. Art comes from the heart, not from a classroom or an online course in grammar or creative writing.
I think when one begins to question their dopeness, or if they are any good at what they do, it may be that they are losing their passion for their craft. Or they may not have been real passionate about it in the first place. A lot of times, we are blessed with natural talent that we just go with that talent because it comes generally easy to us. As we work towards our goals with our gifts, things may begin to feel like a chore. It begins to feel like work. You are starting to not love your gift. You are beginning to feel like you are wasting your time.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
Ask yourself, "What is it that I want to get out of my gift?"
For me, writing gives me a sense of freedom. I love to speak freely on topics that mean something to me and that I know means something to those who I am close to and who may think like I do. It's not hard at all for me to write, when I actually get the time to do so. The hard part is pushing myself to stay on track with the goals I have. I already have one published book, but life has sort of gotten in the way and I am trying to push through this holding pattern and move on to new projects for myself and other authors. What I want is to use my abilities to continuously keep publishing my work, develop screenplays (maybe sell one and see it become a movie!), publish other authors, maybe write for online productions and one day move to Maine and continue my career as a writer of novels and short stories from my cabin in the mountains or on the coast. Very specific, I know! But all of that is where my passion lies. I don't have any doubt that as along as I continue to stay on track with my craft, because I do truly believe in my dopeness, that I can make all of that a reality.
Is it really that simple? For me, it is. I see in other people that it isn't for them, and that is ok. It wasn't always that simple for me and it took others coaxing me and letting me know that they thought I was dope for it to start to sink in. When people actually purchased my book, I began to really believe it. Sometimes, we just need others to believe in us to give us the validation we need. A lot of times, though, we have a whole tribe of people believing in us and we still doubt our abilities. If this is where you are as a creative of any sort, it may take you stepping out of your comfort zone and taking some risks for you to finally recognize your own dopeness. Maybe you're an aritst and you've never done a show. Maybe you are a writer but you've never tried to publish your work, or your efforts to get published haven't been fruitful. Sometimes, we have to go back to the drawing board, re-evaluate our efforts and/ or strategies and push forward with a renewed sense of motivation. There may be times where we actually have to re-evaluate our path, go back to zero and move in a completely different direction than the one we were initially on. Sometimes, we are good at a number of things and we just have to find the one thing that we are great at.
Success never comes easy. We will have many doors closed, sometimes slammed in our faces. Some people may see what we are doing and go out of their way to prevent us from succeeding. All of that is to be expected. It will test our spirit and our resolve. It will make us better. It will help us clearly determine our path and make our dopeness that much clearer.
LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND SAY "I'M THE BEST __________ IN THE WORLD!"
Your championship awaits.
Thursday, July 5, 2018
All The Beauty in this Whole Life
Shout out to Brother Ali for crafting such a beautiful album and song (Own Light/ What Hearts Are For) that inspired the title of this post. If you haven't been feeling much like yourself lately, I recommend taking the time to listen to it. There is a link to the video at the end of this post.
I saw a quote a few days ago and it did something to my spirit. Something shifted in me. The caption that I attached to the quote made me realize that, as tough as things have seemed lately, I was still in a pretty good place.
The quote? "My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's ok."
That is the best thing I could have seen!
I can run down the list of things in my life than wasn't ever part of "the plan", as it were. Leaving New York City at 22 years old and moving to Greenville, SC was never part of "the plan". Being 38 years old and still trying to figure out the trajectory my life is on definitely wasn't part of "the plan". Recognizing, realizing and admitting to certain emotional and possible mental health issues? No one ever plans for that. Throughout the years, relationships with lovers, friends and some family members have failed or aren't what I think they should be. I thought my writing career would have been further along than what it is now.
But you know what? It's ok!
I really mean that. Of course, there are a few things that I wish were different. Coming to the realization that most of those things are out of my control allows me to be okay with the way they have turned out. It ain't rainbows and sunshine everyday, by no means whatsoever. Even if things had gone according to "the plan", life still would suck on some days. And that's ok, too. You know why?
Because it has to be!
Listen. I know one great day or a few strung together doesn't mean I've cracked this secret code to happiness. As I am typing this out now, I am struggling to maintain the "feeling good" mindset that I had earlier this week. I woke up this morning kind of back where I was before I'd heard the Brother Ali album that I mentioned at the start of this post. A song or album can only beat off the blues for a short amount of time. Trying to maintain one's happiness is a constant day in and day out process. With all the negative things we see happening all around us, from the shenanigans in our national and local governments to the way we as a people treat each other, depression and anxiety is as much a part our lives as is eating and sleeping.
But one thing that album, especially the song "Own Light (What Hearts Are For) said to me was that even if our biggest obstacle in life is ourselves, we can still overcome it. Feeling good, even if it is only for the amount of time a song plays in your ears, is magical. It's something we all deserve and it is something that, for many of us, we have to fight for. We may have to fight our wants and desires or fight our feelings. We may have to set up boundaries with people and some people may have to set up boundaries with us. We may have to re-evaluate our employment or our living situations. There may be hard questions we have to ask ourselves and be honest with ourselves when the answers come to light. There may be things in our lives that we feel are making us happy but are only covering up some deeper issues. Happiness doesn't have to be temporary. It won't be if it comes from within.
The complicated, not according to plan, detour riddled, uncertain and sometimes mentally and emotionally painful "life" that we may be living does have a potential beauty to it. That beauty may seem hidden from us at times and it is different for each of us. To me, whenever "the plan" seems to have gone awry, I try to look at it as a new opportunity to strengthen my resolve; to keep moving forward and keep growing. To keep learning more about who I am and be confident that the path I've chosen is the right one for me. I've had a lot of disappointments, some that I'm still struggling to overcome. I have unanswered questions about some unresolved situations that I've had to just count as losses and try to move on. I've had missed opportunities. But one thing I can truly say is that I no longer feel like I've wasted any of the time I've spent trying to figure things out. Maybe I am a bit of a late starter, being almost 40 years old and only now coming to some clear realizations of what I want to do with my life. But I've accepted that the pace at which things occur is insignificant when you are checking off your goals and accomplishments. Nothing comes or happens before it is supposed to. Yes, continued effort and persistence is needed if one wants to meet their goals. But patience is as well. Sometimes, the most difficult thing to be patient with is ourselves.
If you haven't heard Brother Ali's 'Own Light (What Hearts Are For) yet, check out the video here.
Peace.
I saw a quote a few days ago and it did something to my spirit. Something shifted in me. The caption that I attached to the quote made me realize that, as tough as things have seemed lately, I was still in a pretty good place.
The quote? "My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's ok."
That is the best thing I could have seen!
I can run down the list of things in my life than wasn't ever part of "the plan", as it were. Leaving New York City at 22 years old and moving to Greenville, SC was never part of "the plan". Being 38 years old and still trying to figure out the trajectory my life is on definitely wasn't part of "the plan". Recognizing, realizing and admitting to certain emotional and possible mental health issues? No one ever plans for that. Throughout the years, relationships with lovers, friends and some family members have failed or aren't what I think they should be. I thought my writing career would have been further along than what it is now.
But you know what? It's ok!
I really mean that. Of course, there are a few things that I wish were different. Coming to the realization that most of those things are out of my control allows me to be okay with the way they have turned out. It ain't rainbows and sunshine everyday, by no means whatsoever. Even if things had gone according to "the plan", life still would suck on some days. And that's ok, too. You know why?
Because it has to be!
Listen. I know one great day or a few strung together doesn't mean I've cracked this secret code to happiness. As I am typing this out now, I am struggling to maintain the "feeling good" mindset that I had earlier this week. I woke up this morning kind of back where I was before I'd heard the Brother Ali album that I mentioned at the start of this post. A song or album can only beat off the blues for a short amount of time. Trying to maintain one's happiness is a constant day in and day out process. With all the negative things we see happening all around us, from the shenanigans in our national and local governments to the way we as a people treat each other, depression and anxiety is as much a part our lives as is eating and sleeping.
But one thing that album, especially the song "Own Light (What Hearts Are For) said to me was that even if our biggest obstacle in life is ourselves, we can still overcome it. Feeling good, even if it is only for the amount of time a song plays in your ears, is magical. It's something we all deserve and it is something that, for many of us, we have to fight for. We may have to fight our wants and desires or fight our feelings. We may have to set up boundaries with people and some people may have to set up boundaries with us. We may have to re-evaluate our employment or our living situations. There may be hard questions we have to ask ourselves and be honest with ourselves when the answers come to light. There may be things in our lives that we feel are making us happy but are only covering up some deeper issues. Happiness doesn't have to be temporary. It won't be if it comes from within.
The complicated, not according to plan, detour riddled, uncertain and sometimes mentally and emotionally painful "life" that we may be living does have a potential beauty to it. That beauty may seem hidden from us at times and it is different for each of us. To me, whenever "the plan" seems to have gone awry, I try to look at it as a new opportunity to strengthen my resolve; to keep moving forward and keep growing. To keep learning more about who I am and be confident that the path I've chosen is the right one for me. I've had a lot of disappointments, some that I'm still struggling to overcome. I have unanswered questions about some unresolved situations that I've had to just count as losses and try to move on. I've had missed opportunities. But one thing I can truly say is that I no longer feel like I've wasted any of the time I've spent trying to figure things out. Maybe I am a bit of a late starter, being almost 40 years old and only now coming to some clear realizations of what I want to do with my life. But I've accepted that the pace at which things occur is insignificant when you are checking off your goals and accomplishments. Nothing comes or happens before it is supposed to. Yes, continued effort and persistence is needed if one wants to meet their goals. But patience is as well. Sometimes, the most difficult thing to be patient with is ourselves.
If you haven't heard Brother Ali's 'Own Light (What Hearts Are For) yet, check out the video here.
Peace.
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
#freeupstatepoetry
Free:
adjective
Not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes.
Not physically restrained, obstructed or fixed: unimpeded.
adverb
Without cost or payment
verb
Release from captivity, confinement or slavery
********************************************************************************
Upstate South Carolina:
The region in the westernmost part of South Carolina, consisting of 10 counties (Greenville, Spartanburg, Anderson, Laurens, Oconee, Pickens, Cherokee, Union, Abbeville and Greenwood).
********************************************************************************
Poetry:
noun
Literary work in which special intensity is given to the expression of feelings and ideas by the use of distinctive style and rhythm; poems collectively or as a genre of literature.
*******************************************************************************
The best ideas start as conversations -Jonathan Lee
#freeupstatepoetry started as a conversation within a group text. It was a spontaneous reaction to a somewhat unrelated topic at the time.
It was also born from a feeling I have had regarding the poetry community in the upstate for a very long time. No shade, but it just doesn't have the same vibe it did years ago.
Maybe that is due to my opinion of what I feel poetry is supposed to be. To me, poetry is more than just what it is by definition. Poetry represents a community; people from all walks of life and economic backgrounds. It can be home to the poet and to the listener. Truth be told, poetry here in the upstate hasn't felt like home in quite some time. I mean that in all sincerity.
What really has me on one, though, is the reaction others have had to people expressing that sentiment, i.e myself and my friend, Celestial Poet.
We're grown folks, people. I don't exactly know the history of spoken word here in Greenville, SC. All I know is when I arrived here in 2002-2003, one of the first places I hung out at was at a spoken word open mic. Coming from New York where open mics were a dime a dozen, it was familiar territory. I felt at home immediately. I met some folks there that I ended up working with on my first and only hip-hop CD. I transitioned with those same people into a spoken word artist/ author and worked on several projects with them and other spoken word artists in the area. I consider these people family.
Family discusses things amongst themselves when issues or concerns arise. Or at least they should.
That being said, family often disagrees on a number of topics.
While there are several issues and concerns that have arisen since a photograph of me wearing a #freeupstatepoetry shirt popped up on social media, I am just going to address what I can speak on directly.
The shirt, the hashtag and the message.
Like I said earlier, the hashtag was born of an idea during a conversation in a group text. The idea came from me.
The shirt? A prototype. I enlisted another friend of mine to make it so I could wear it to an event promoting community, healing and unity. With the interest and dialogue that came about at that event, I decided to create a campaign for the shirts on teespring.com
The message was clearly posted on the campaign page and is still there: "For Healing, Growth and Community".
I am unable to address the issues that have come up otherwise because I am not directly involved. But I will say this: I am in full support of my sister and friend, Celestial Poet, and anyone else who feels like #freeupstatepoetry speaks to their concerns and feelings about the current state of poetry/ spoken word in the Upstate.
It's not about t-shirt sales, competition, garnering support for venues or taking away from an organization or venue that has a foothold in the poetry community here in Greenville.
It's about healing, growth and community.
It's about freedom of expression.
It's about the art.
It's about feeling welcome and safe.
It has also turned into a call to do things the right way. Period.
No one person, group or organization can have a monopoly on expression. So there shouldn't be a level of division when another group decides to offer an alternative to what currently exists. That goes for a place to hold an open mic, book signing, performance, gallery showing, etc.
There also should be a level of understanding when an idea or movement supports an individual or group that feels like they've been done wrong. This isn't to say all parties involved should or have to agree. But when it is clear and obvious that a wrong has been done, there should be open dialogue and that person or group's concerns shouldn't be marginalized. Personal feelings about unrelated issues shouldn't affect how those concerns are addressed.
When serious issues are brought up, they should be addressed immediately, unequivocally, indiscriminately and directly, no matter who's involved and regardless of status and stature.
Of course, we are talking "perfect world" living here, so I don't (and didn't in this case) expect this to always occur.
But we are also talking about family here.
Movements can mean different things to different people while still maintaining it's core principles and values. Friction often occurs when a person, group or organization feels the movement is targeting them and, in some cases, that's true. When that happens, the targeted person, group or organization goes on the defensive.
Or they just hijack the narrative.
We saw this when it came to Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players choosing to kneel during the national anthem on game days. Donald Trump hijacked the narrative and turned well intended athletes, who were kneeling in protest to police brutality towards unarmed Black citizens, into villains.
That was strategic. It was calculated. It worked.
While the narrative of #freeupstatepoetry may not resonate on the same levels as the NFL protests or, say #blacklivesmatter, it is rooted in a similar vein, probably more so now than when the idea was first conceived. Why? Because of the reaction of those who felt the movement was directed at them. The movement was never about one person, or a few persons. It was about a feeling a group of poets/ artists/ activists had. When those individuals took their personal experiences and wove them through the fabric of the core values #freeupstatepoetry is based on, others reacted. Some were curious while others felt attacked. Some reached out in support and others deleted long time friends from their lives. Personally, the negative reaction I experienced had more to do with issues outside of the #freeupstatepoetry movement. Issues that had more to do with them than they had to do with me. Loyalty seemed to be in question, when loyalty wasn't an issue that #freeupstatepoetry was addressing at all.
You know what else breeds actions to shift the narrative of a cause or movement?
Guilt.
Ignorance.
Selfishness.
Entitlement.
Supremacy.
All one has to do, if they are unsure of the motivation behind a cause of a movement, is ask questions to those associated with said movement. The ones that decide to ask, usually do so to make an educated choice to be involved or not. It's either your fight or it's not. Each person has the right to choose to support or oppose any cause or movement. Whether you choose to support or not really isn't indicative of who you are as a person or organization.
Your reaction and actions in respect to that movement, regardless of there basis, says a lot, though.
adjective
Not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes.
Not physically restrained, obstructed or fixed: unimpeded.
adverb
Without cost or payment
verb
Release from captivity, confinement or slavery
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Upstate South Carolina:
The region in the westernmost part of South Carolina, consisting of 10 counties (Greenville, Spartanburg, Anderson, Laurens, Oconee, Pickens, Cherokee, Union, Abbeville and Greenwood).
********************************************************************************
Poetry:
noun
Literary work in which special intensity is given to the expression of feelings and ideas by the use of distinctive style and rhythm; poems collectively or as a genre of literature.
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The best ideas start as conversations -Jonathan Lee
#freeupstatepoetry started as a conversation within a group text. It was a spontaneous reaction to a somewhat unrelated topic at the time.
It was also born from a feeling I have had regarding the poetry community in the upstate for a very long time. No shade, but it just doesn't have the same vibe it did years ago.
Maybe that is due to my opinion of what I feel poetry is supposed to be. To me, poetry is more than just what it is by definition. Poetry represents a community; people from all walks of life and economic backgrounds. It can be home to the poet and to the listener. Truth be told, poetry here in the upstate hasn't felt like home in quite some time. I mean that in all sincerity.
What really has me on one, though, is the reaction others have had to people expressing that sentiment, i.e myself and my friend, Celestial Poet.
We're grown folks, people. I don't exactly know the history of spoken word here in Greenville, SC. All I know is when I arrived here in 2002-2003, one of the first places I hung out at was at a spoken word open mic. Coming from New York where open mics were a dime a dozen, it was familiar territory. I felt at home immediately. I met some folks there that I ended up working with on my first and only hip-hop CD. I transitioned with those same people into a spoken word artist/ author and worked on several projects with them and other spoken word artists in the area. I consider these people family.
Family discusses things amongst themselves when issues or concerns arise. Or at least they should.
That being said, family often disagrees on a number of topics.
While there are several issues and concerns that have arisen since a photograph of me wearing a #freeupstatepoetry shirt popped up on social media, I am just going to address what I can speak on directly.
The shirt, the hashtag and the message.
Like I said earlier, the hashtag was born of an idea during a conversation in a group text. The idea came from me.
The shirt? A prototype. I enlisted another friend of mine to make it so I could wear it to an event promoting community, healing and unity. With the interest and dialogue that came about at that event, I decided to create a campaign for the shirts on teespring.com
The message was clearly posted on the campaign page and is still there: "For Healing, Growth and Community".
I am unable to address the issues that have come up otherwise because I am not directly involved. But I will say this: I am in full support of my sister and friend, Celestial Poet, and anyone else who feels like #freeupstatepoetry speaks to their concerns and feelings about the current state of poetry/ spoken word in the Upstate.
It's not about t-shirt sales, competition, garnering support for venues or taking away from an organization or venue that has a foothold in the poetry community here in Greenville.
It's about healing, growth and community.
It's about freedom of expression.
It's about the art.
It's about feeling welcome and safe.
It has also turned into a call to do things the right way. Period.
No one person, group or organization can have a monopoly on expression. So there shouldn't be a level of division when another group decides to offer an alternative to what currently exists. That goes for a place to hold an open mic, book signing, performance, gallery showing, etc.
There also should be a level of understanding when an idea or movement supports an individual or group that feels like they've been done wrong. This isn't to say all parties involved should or have to agree. But when it is clear and obvious that a wrong has been done, there should be open dialogue and that person or group's concerns shouldn't be marginalized. Personal feelings about unrelated issues shouldn't affect how those concerns are addressed.
When serious issues are brought up, they should be addressed immediately, unequivocally, indiscriminately and directly, no matter who's involved and regardless of status and stature.
Of course, we are talking "perfect world" living here, so I don't (and didn't in this case) expect this to always occur.
But we are also talking about family here.
Movements can mean different things to different people while still maintaining it's core principles and values. Friction often occurs when a person, group or organization feels the movement is targeting them and, in some cases, that's true. When that happens, the targeted person, group or organization goes on the defensive.
Or they just hijack the narrative.
We saw this when it came to Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players choosing to kneel during the national anthem on game days. Donald Trump hijacked the narrative and turned well intended athletes, who were kneeling in protest to police brutality towards unarmed Black citizens, into villains.
That was strategic. It was calculated. It worked.
While the narrative of #freeupstatepoetry may not resonate on the same levels as the NFL protests or, say #blacklivesmatter, it is rooted in a similar vein, probably more so now than when the idea was first conceived. Why? Because of the reaction of those who felt the movement was directed at them. The movement was never about one person, or a few persons. It was about a feeling a group of poets/ artists/ activists had. When those individuals took their personal experiences and wove them through the fabric of the core values #freeupstatepoetry is based on, others reacted. Some were curious while others felt attacked. Some reached out in support and others deleted long time friends from their lives. Personally, the negative reaction I experienced had more to do with issues outside of the #freeupstatepoetry movement. Issues that had more to do with them than they had to do with me. Loyalty seemed to be in question, when loyalty wasn't an issue that #freeupstatepoetry was addressing at all.
You know what else breeds actions to shift the narrative of a cause or movement?
Guilt.
Ignorance.
Selfishness.
Entitlement.
Supremacy.
All one has to do, if they are unsure of the motivation behind a cause of a movement, is ask questions to those associated with said movement. The ones that decide to ask, usually do so to make an educated choice to be involved or not. It's either your fight or it's not. Each person has the right to choose to support or oppose any cause or movement. Whether you choose to support or not really isn't indicative of who you are as a person or organization.
Your reaction and actions in respect to that movement, regardless of there basis, says a lot, though.
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