Shout out to Brother Ali for crafting such a beautiful album and song (Own Light/ What Hearts Are For) that inspired the title of this post. If you haven't been feeling much like yourself lately, I recommend taking the time to listen to it. There is a link to the video at the end of this post.
I saw a quote a few days ago and it did something to my spirit. Something shifted in me. The caption that I attached to the quote made me realize that, as tough as things have seemed lately, I was still in a pretty good place.
The quote? "My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's ok."
That is the best thing I could have seen!
I can run down the list of things in my life than wasn't ever part of "the plan", as it were. Leaving New York City at 22 years old and moving to Greenville, SC was never part of "the plan". Being 38 years old and still trying to figure out the trajectory my life is on definitely wasn't part of "the plan". Recognizing, realizing and admitting to certain emotional and possible mental health issues? No one ever plans for that. Throughout the years, relationships with lovers, friends and some family members have failed or aren't what I think they should be. I thought my writing career would have been further along than what it is now.
But you know what? It's ok!
I really mean that. Of course, there are a few things that I wish were different. Coming to the realization that most of those things are out of my control allows me to be okay with the way they have turned out. It ain't rainbows and sunshine everyday, by no means whatsoever. Even if things had gone according to "the plan", life still would suck on some days. And that's ok, too. You know why?
Because it has to be!
Listen. I know one great day or a few strung together doesn't mean I've cracked this secret code to happiness. As I am typing this out now, I am struggling to maintain the "feeling good" mindset that I had earlier this week. I woke up this morning kind of back where I was before I'd heard the Brother Ali album that I mentioned at the start of this post. A song or album can only beat off the blues for a short amount of time. Trying to maintain one's happiness is a constant day in and day out process. With all the negative things we see happening all around us, from the shenanigans in our national and local governments to the way we as a people treat each other, depression and anxiety is as much a part our lives as is eating and sleeping.
But one thing that album, especially the song "Own Light (What Hearts Are For) said to me was that even if our biggest obstacle in life is ourselves, we can still overcome it. Feeling good, even if it is only for the amount of time a song plays in your ears, is magical. It's something we all deserve and it is something that, for many of us, we have to fight for. We may have to fight our wants and desires or fight our feelings. We may have to set up boundaries with people and some people may have to set up boundaries with us. We may have to re-evaluate our employment or our living situations. There may be hard questions we have to ask ourselves and be honest with ourselves when the answers come to light. There may be things in our lives that we feel are making us happy but are only covering up some deeper issues. Happiness doesn't have to be temporary. It won't be if it comes from within.
The complicated, not according to plan, detour riddled, uncertain and sometimes mentally and emotionally painful "life" that we may be living does have a potential beauty to it. That beauty may seem hidden from us at times and it is different for each of us. To me, whenever "the plan" seems to have gone awry, I try to look at it as a new opportunity to strengthen my resolve; to keep moving forward and keep growing. To keep learning more about who I am and be confident that the path I've chosen is the right one for me. I've had a lot of disappointments, some that I'm still struggling to overcome. I have unanswered questions about some unresolved situations that I've had to just count as losses and try to move on. I've had missed opportunities. But one thing I can truly say is that I no longer feel like I've wasted any of the time I've spent trying to figure things out. Maybe I am a bit of a late starter, being almost 40 years old and only now coming to some clear realizations of what I want to do with my life. But I've accepted that the pace at which things occur is insignificant when you are checking off your goals and accomplishments. Nothing comes or happens before it is supposed to. Yes, continued effort and persistence is needed if one wants to meet their goals. But patience is as well. Sometimes, the most difficult thing to be patient with is ourselves.
If you haven't heard Brother Ali's 'Own Light (What Hearts Are For) yet, check out the video here.
Peace.
Thursday, July 5, 2018
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
#freeupstatepoetry
Free:
adjective
Not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes.
Not physically restrained, obstructed or fixed: unimpeded.
adverb
Without cost or payment
verb
Release from captivity, confinement or slavery
********************************************************************************
Upstate South Carolina:
The region in the westernmost part of South Carolina, consisting of 10 counties (Greenville, Spartanburg, Anderson, Laurens, Oconee, Pickens, Cherokee, Union, Abbeville and Greenwood).
********************************************************************************
Poetry:
noun
Literary work in which special intensity is given to the expression of feelings and ideas by the use of distinctive style and rhythm; poems collectively or as a genre of literature.
*******************************************************************************
The best ideas start as conversations -Jonathan Lee
#freeupstatepoetry started as a conversation within a group text. It was a spontaneous reaction to a somewhat unrelated topic at the time.
It was also born from a feeling I have had regarding the poetry community in the upstate for a very long time. No shade, but it just doesn't have the same vibe it did years ago.
Maybe that is due to my opinion of what I feel poetry is supposed to be. To me, poetry is more than just what it is by definition. Poetry represents a community; people from all walks of life and economic backgrounds. It can be home to the poet and to the listener. Truth be told, poetry here in the upstate hasn't felt like home in quite some time. I mean that in all sincerity.
What really has me on one, though, is the reaction others have had to people expressing that sentiment, i.e myself and my friend, Celestial Poet.
We're grown folks, people. I don't exactly know the history of spoken word here in Greenville, SC. All I know is when I arrived here in 2002-2003, one of the first places I hung out at was at a spoken word open mic. Coming from New York where open mics were a dime a dozen, it was familiar territory. I felt at home immediately. I met some folks there that I ended up working with on my first and only hip-hop CD. I transitioned with those same people into a spoken word artist/ author and worked on several projects with them and other spoken word artists in the area. I consider these people family.
Family discusses things amongst themselves when issues or concerns arise. Or at least they should.
That being said, family often disagrees on a number of topics.
While there are several issues and concerns that have arisen since a photograph of me wearing a #freeupstatepoetry shirt popped up on social media, I am just going to address what I can speak on directly.
The shirt, the hashtag and the message.
Like I said earlier, the hashtag was born of an idea during a conversation in a group text. The idea came from me.
The shirt? A prototype. I enlisted another friend of mine to make it so I could wear it to an event promoting community, healing and unity. With the interest and dialogue that came about at that event, I decided to create a campaign for the shirts on teespring.com
The message was clearly posted on the campaign page and is still there: "For Healing, Growth and Community".
I am unable to address the issues that have come up otherwise because I am not directly involved. But I will say this: I am in full support of my sister and friend, Celestial Poet, and anyone else who feels like #freeupstatepoetry speaks to their concerns and feelings about the current state of poetry/ spoken word in the Upstate.
It's not about t-shirt sales, competition, garnering support for venues or taking away from an organization or venue that has a foothold in the poetry community here in Greenville.
It's about healing, growth and community.
It's about freedom of expression.
It's about the art.
It's about feeling welcome and safe.
It has also turned into a call to do things the right way. Period.
No one person, group or organization can have a monopoly on expression. So there shouldn't be a level of division when another group decides to offer an alternative to what currently exists. That goes for a place to hold an open mic, book signing, performance, gallery showing, etc.
There also should be a level of understanding when an idea or movement supports an individual or group that feels like they've been done wrong. This isn't to say all parties involved should or have to agree. But when it is clear and obvious that a wrong has been done, there should be open dialogue and that person or group's concerns shouldn't be marginalized. Personal feelings about unrelated issues shouldn't affect how those concerns are addressed.
When serious issues are brought up, they should be addressed immediately, unequivocally, indiscriminately and directly, no matter who's involved and regardless of status and stature.
Of course, we are talking "perfect world" living here, so I don't (and didn't in this case) expect this to always occur.
But we are also talking about family here.
Movements can mean different things to different people while still maintaining it's core principles and values. Friction often occurs when a person, group or organization feels the movement is targeting them and, in some cases, that's true. When that happens, the targeted person, group or organization goes on the defensive.
Or they just hijack the narrative.
We saw this when it came to Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players choosing to kneel during the national anthem on game days. Donald Trump hijacked the narrative and turned well intended athletes, who were kneeling in protest to police brutality towards unarmed Black citizens, into villains.
That was strategic. It was calculated. It worked.
While the narrative of #freeupstatepoetry may not resonate on the same levels as the NFL protests or, say #blacklivesmatter, it is rooted in a similar vein, probably more so now than when the idea was first conceived. Why? Because of the reaction of those who felt the movement was directed at them. The movement was never about one person, or a few persons. It was about a feeling a group of poets/ artists/ activists had. When those individuals took their personal experiences and wove them through the fabric of the core values #freeupstatepoetry is based on, others reacted. Some were curious while others felt attacked. Some reached out in support and others deleted long time friends from their lives. Personally, the negative reaction I experienced had more to do with issues outside of the #freeupstatepoetry movement. Issues that had more to do with them than they had to do with me. Loyalty seemed to be in question, when loyalty wasn't an issue that #freeupstatepoetry was addressing at all.
You know what else breeds actions to shift the narrative of a cause or movement?
Guilt.
Ignorance.
Selfishness.
Entitlement.
Supremacy.
All one has to do, if they are unsure of the motivation behind a cause of a movement, is ask questions to those associated with said movement. The ones that decide to ask, usually do so to make an educated choice to be involved or not. It's either your fight or it's not. Each person has the right to choose to support or oppose any cause or movement. Whether you choose to support or not really isn't indicative of who you are as a person or organization.
Your reaction and actions in respect to that movement, regardless of there basis, says a lot, though.
adjective
Not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes.
Not physically restrained, obstructed or fixed: unimpeded.
adverb
Without cost or payment
verb
Release from captivity, confinement or slavery
********************************************************************************
Upstate South Carolina:
The region in the westernmost part of South Carolina, consisting of 10 counties (Greenville, Spartanburg, Anderson, Laurens, Oconee, Pickens, Cherokee, Union, Abbeville and Greenwood).
********************************************************************************
Poetry:
noun
Literary work in which special intensity is given to the expression of feelings and ideas by the use of distinctive style and rhythm; poems collectively or as a genre of literature.
*******************************************************************************
The best ideas start as conversations -Jonathan Lee
#freeupstatepoetry started as a conversation within a group text. It was a spontaneous reaction to a somewhat unrelated topic at the time.
It was also born from a feeling I have had regarding the poetry community in the upstate for a very long time. No shade, but it just doesn't have the same vibe it did years ago.
Maybe that is due to my opinion of what I feel poetry is supposed to be. To me, poetry is more than just what it is by definition. Poetry represents a community; people from all walks of life and economic backgrounds. It can be home to the poet and to the listener. Truth be told, poetry here in the upstate hasn't felt like home in quite some time. I mean that in all sincerity.
What really has me on one, though, is the reaction others have had to people expressing that sentiment, i.e myself and my friend, Celestial Poet.
We're grown folks, people. I don't exactly know the history of spoken word here in Greenville, SC. All I know is when I arrived here in 2002-2003, one of the first places I hung out at was at a spoken word open mic. Coming from New York where open mics were a dime a dozen, it was familiar territory. I felt at home immediately. I met some folks there that I ended up working with on my first and only hip-hop CD. I transitioned with those same people into a spoken word artist/ author and worked on several projects with them and other spoken word artists in the area. I consider these people family.
Family discusses things amongst themselves when issues or concerns arise. Or at least they should.
That being said, family often disagrees on a number of topics.
While there are several issues and concerns that have arisen since a photograph of me wearing a #freeupstatepoetry shirt popped up on social media, I am just going to address what I can speak on directly.
The shirt, the hashtag and the message.
Like I said earlier, the hashtag was born of an idea during a conversation in a group text. The idea came from me.
The shirt? A prototype. I enlisted another friend of mine to make it so I could wear it to an event promoting community, healing and unity. With the interest and dialogue that came about at that event, I decided to create a campaign for the shirts on teespring.com
The message was clearly posted on the campaign page and is still there: "For Healing, Growth and Community".
I am unable to address the issues that have come up otherwise because I am not directly involved. But I will say this: I am in full support of my sister and friend, Celestial Poet, and anyone else who feels like #freeupstatepoetry speaks to their concerns and feelings about the current state of poetry/ spoken word in the Upstate.
It's not about t-shirt sales, competition, garnering support for venues or taking away from an organization or venue that has a foothold in the poetry community here in Greenville.
It's about healing, growth and community.
It's about freedom of expression.
It's about the art.
It's about feeling welcome and safe.
It has also turned into a call to do things the right way. Period.
No one person, group or organization can have a monopoly on expression. So there shouldn't be a level of division when another group decides to offer an alternative to what currently exists. That goes for a place to hold an open mic, book signing, performance, gallery showing, etc.
There also should be a level of understanding when an idea or movement supports an individual or group that feels like they've been done wrong. This isn't to say all parties involved should or have to agree. But when it is clear and obvious that a wrong has been done, there should be open dialogue and that person or group's concerns shouldn't be marginalized. Personal feelings about unrelated issues shouldn't affect how those concerns are addressed.
When serious issues are brought up, they should be addressed immediately, unequivocally, indiscriminately and directly, no matter who's involved and regardless of status and stature.
Of course, we are talking "perfect world" living here, so I don't (and didn't in this case) expect this to always occur.
But we are also talking about family here.
Movements can mean different things to different people while still maintaining it's core principles and values. Friction often occurs when a person, group or organization feels the movement is targeting them and, in some cases, that's true. When that happens, the targeted person, group or organization goes on the defensive.
Or they just hijack the narrative.
We saw this when it came to Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players choosing to kneel during the national anthem on game days. Donald Trump hijacked the narrative and turned well intended athletes, who were kneeling in protest to police brutality towards unarmed Black citizens, into villains.
That was strategic. It was calculated. It worked.
While the narrative of #freeupstatepoetry may not resonate on the same levels as the NFL protests or, say #blacklivesmatter, it is rooted in a similar vein, probably more so now than when the idea was first conceived. Why? Because of the reaction of those who felt the movement was directed at them. The movement was never about one person, or a few persons. It was about a feeling a group of poets/ artists/ activists had. When those individuals took their personal experiences and wove them through the fabric of the core values #freeupstatepoetry is based on, others reacted. Some were curious while others felt attacked. Some reached out in support and others deleted long time friends from their lives. Personally, the negative reaction I experienced had more to do with issues outside of the #freeupstatepoetry movement. Issues that had more to do with them than they had to do with me. Loyalty seemed to be in question, when loyalty wasn't an issue that #freeupstatepoetry was addressing at all.
You know what else breeds actions to shift the narrative of a cause or movement?
Guilt.
Ignorance.
Selfishness.
Entitlement.
Supremacy.
All one has to do, if they are unsure of the motivation behind a cause of a movement, is ask questions to those associated with said movement. The ones that decide to ask, usually do so to make an educated choice to be involved or not. It's either your fight or it's not. Each person has the right to choose to support or oppose any cause or movement. Whether you choose to support or not really isn't indicative of who you are as a person or organization.
Your reaction and actions in respect to that movement, regardless of there basis, says a lot, though.
Friday, June 15, 2018
Dear Conflicted and Confused
Sometimes, there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. Sometimes, all there is to do is just allow yourself to feel bad, to not be okay, to be angry, frustrated, sad, depressed, lonely, etc. Sometimes, the only path to feeling better is feeling your absolute worse before you can have a happy day, or even a happy moment. Trying to string together consecutive happy moments or days can be a struggle.
There isn't a quick answer to why you feel this way. There are suggestions as to what you should do. Go see a therapist. Talk to a friend. Air out your grievances to your ex, if that is part of the problem. Have a drink. Smoke a joint. Get laid. Work on your craft. Organize your life. Set priorities. Take a day off. Shit, take a week off. Go away. Be alone for awhile. Get off the grid, go Zero Dark Thirty on 'em. Sleep in. Don't give a fuck. Breathe. Meditate. Try this herbal remedy, try this tincture. Do yoga, go to the gym.
WRITE IT OUT!
You don't feel like talking to anyone but, in your line of work, you have to. A couple of hundred people a day, face to face or on the phone. They ask questions and don't like your answers. They want what they want and they want it now. They can't help themselves, even though they are carrying the latest iPhone with every app imaginable; they just want you to do it for them. Well intentioned co-workers stop at your desk with meaningless chatter that you can't walk away from, so you smile and nod, trying to look busy but they continue on. Annoying co-workers with a lack of social skills harass you, attempting to be funny. You dread running into them and, when you do, you give them every signal imaginable to let them know today is not the day. They keep going, so you give them shit right back. Hint not taken.
You are distracted during most solitary moments by events that you cannot change, mistakes you have made, by the relationship that has run it's course but still is, some may say, an unhealthy part of your life. In the shower, in the car, during down time at work, while you lie in bed at night. Your heart won't let you forget and it damn sure won't let you walk away. You are haunted by words spoken and left unsaid. You are trying to gain some clarity regarding certain matters of your heart. Whenever you try to create some form of dialogue, emotions run amok to one extreme or the other. You decide to take it one day at a time; no days are good, most days are bad. Almost every night is bad.
You search online for inspirational quotes and post the ones that speak to you. You make jokes about the heartache, thinking that it is helping because sometimes, it feels like it is.
You drink alone. No rules. Anytime is a good time for a shot if there's booze around. When there is, you drink yourself to sleep, but you pay for it in the morning. You drink more just to shake the devil off but to no avail. You try not to let it show while you are at work, but those who know you, know. They ask if you are ok. You lie to most of them, speak honestly to one of them. All you are trying to do is not think about the things you don't need to think about. Deaden the nerves and silence the noise in your head. But there is always noise in your head.
When you actually do sleep, your dreams haunt you across years; movies playing out scenes of memories you thought you fought hard enough to forget. Nope, your heart and mind play tricks on you at the same damn time. You're exhausted, but you feel guilty when your body won't let you forget you haven't slept in days because you know you should be working on your goals and aspirations.
The phone rings. Decisions, decisions. It's a roll of the dice. Depending on who it is, you could ruin an already shitty day if you answer. When it doesn't ring, you are constantly searching for a text message that may never come or wondering why "they" haven't called. You wished "them" a good day and "their" reply was just "Thx". Every once in a while "they" add a "U too". You delete "their" number from your phone, delete "their" caller ID pic because it's too painful to see "their" face pop up if and when "they" do call, just to change it to something generic because completely striking "them" out of your phone and leaving it that way is a step you just aren't ready to take.
You tell yourself it's getting easier when you feel it getting harder to make it through each day. You tell yourself it could be worse when it feels like it's actually getting worse. Sometimes you are ashamed of how you feel and how you choose to cope. Out of all the things that might make you feel better, all you want is the one thing that will probably make you feel worse right after you get it. It always does. It always will. But you'd take it in a heartbeat, every single time.
The answers don't exist, but they do. They are plain as day, yet so complicated. You have your tribe and you know they love you. You wonder is it enough.
Trust me, conflicted and confused soul. I can relate.
It will get better, just not right now.
The pain, unfortunately, will take some more time to eventually pass.
The guilt will linger until you can forgive yourself, even though you really have nothing to feel guilty about.
The confusion will eventually give way to a clearer understanding.
You will be whole again.
Just hold on a little bit longer.
There isn't a quick answer to why you feel this way. There are suggestions as to what you should do. Go see a therapist. Talk to a friend. Air out your grievances to your ex, if that is part of the problem. Have a drink. Smoke a joint. Get laid. Work on your craft. Organize your life. Set priorities. Take a day off. Shit, take a week off. Go away. Be alone for awhile. Get off the grid, go Zero Dark Thirty on 'em. Sleep in. Don't give a fuck. Breathe. Meditate. Try this herbal remedy, try this tincture. Do yoga, go to the gym.
WRITE IT OUT!
You don't feel like talking to anyone but, in your line of work, you have to. A couple of hundred people a day, face to face or on the phone. They ask questions and don't like your answers. They want what they want and they want it now. They can't help themselves, even though they are carrying the latest iPhone with every app imaginable; they just want you to do it for them. Well intentioned co-workers stop at your desk with meaningless chatter that you can't walk away from, so you smile and nod, trying to look busy but they continue on. Annoying co-workers with a lack of social skills harass you, attempting to be funny. You dread running into them and, when you do, you give them every signal imaginable to let them know today is not the day. They keep going, so you give them shit right back. Hint not taken.
You are distracted during most solitary moments by events that you cannot change, mistakes you have made, by the relationship that has run it's course but still is, some may say, an unhealthy part of your life. In the shower, in the car, during down time at work, while you lie in bed at night. Your heart won't let you forget and it damn sure won't let you walk away. You are haunted by words spoken and left unsaid. You are trying to gain some clarity regarding certain matters of your heart. Whenever you try to create some form of dialogue, emotions run amok to one extreme or the other. You decide to take it one day at a time; no days are good, most days are bad. Almost every night is bad.
You search online for inspirational quotes and post the ones that speak to you. You make jokes about the heartache, thinking that it is helping because sometimes, it feels like it is.
You drink alone. No rules. Anytime is a good time for a shot if there's booze around. When there is, you drink yourself to sleep, but you pay for it in the morning. You drink more just to shake the devil off but to no avail. You try not to let it show while you are at work, but those who know you, know. They ask if you are ok. You lie to most of them, speak honestly to one of them. All you are trying to do is not think about the things you don't need to think about. Deaden the nerves and silence the noise in your head. But there is always noise in your head.
When you actually do sleep, your dreams haunt you across years; movies playing out scenes of memories you thought you fought hard enough to forget. Nope, your heart and mind play tricks on you at the same damn time. You're exhausted, but you feel guilty when your body won't let you forget you haven't slept in days because you know you should be working on your goals and aspirations.
The phone rings. Decisions, decisions. It's a roll of the dice. Depending on who it is, you could ruin an already shitty day if you answer. When it doesn't ring, you are constantly searching for a text message that may never come or wondering why "they" haven't called. You wished "them" a good day and "their" reply was just "Thx". Every once in a while "they" add a "U too". You delete "their" number from your phone, delete "their" caller ID pic because it's too painful to see "their" face pop up if and when "they" do call, just to change it to something generic because completely striking "them" out of your phone and leaving it that way is a step you just aren't ready to take.
You tell yourself it's getting easier when you feel it getting harder to make it through each day. You tell yourself it could be worse when it feels like it's actually getting worse. Sometimes you are ashamed of how you feel and how you choose to cope. Out of all the things that might make you feel better, all you want is the one thing that will probably make you feel worse right after you get it. It always does. It always will. But you'd take it in a heartbeat, every single time.
The answers don't exist, but they do. They are plain as day, yet so complicated. You have your tribe and you know they love you. You wonder is it enough.
Trust me, conflicted and confused soul. I can relate.
It will get better, just not right now.
The pain, unfortunately, will take some more time to eventually pass.
The guilt will linger until you can forgive yourself, even though you really have nothing to feel guilty about.
The confusion will eventually give way to a clearer understanding.
You will be whole again.
Just hold on a little bit longer.
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
The Fear of Can't Becoming Motivation
When I was in my late teens, I had a dream of being a rapper. I never thought I would become famous, but I did fantasize about two of my childhood friends and I recording an album and playing in a couple of small clubs in Queens, NY. I think, for maybe a summer, I really felt like I had the potential to be successful based only on my writing ability and my flow. I had a lot of work to do as far as creativity, more use of metaphors and I really needed to work on my freestyling. As I continued to work at getting better something happened that changed everything, and it still has a huge effect on me to this day.
Someone told me I couldn't do it.
To be honest, there were hundreds of good reasons why anyone who knew me then might have felt like Jason Franklin being a rapper was an extremely far fetched idea. Hip-Hop in the late 90's in New York was nothing like it is now. Most of the well know successful rappers were street guys and, while I did grow up in South Jamaica, Queens, I was far from a street guy. I was also a baptized Jehovah's Witness. There were no gritty tales of 'hood living in any of my lyrics, even though I lived in the same area that gave rise to some of the greatest rappers that have ever touched a mic. South Jamaica was a rough part of town, but my parents (and my, then, religious affiliation) kept me outside from all of the influences that inspired Hip-Hop back then. However, none of those reasons were behind why the person who told me I couldn't do it felt that way. And, being that it came from a girl that I was dating (and yes, trying to impress), it hit me like a ton of bricks. She simply said: "You're just not talented enough."
I was stunned. I thought I was good, really good. I thought she thought I was good. I thought she would push me, support me, be there with me when I signed my deal, when I bought my first brand new car, house, etc. I had seen all of this in my head, had talked with my boys about it, had written and rapped about it. And now my inspiration, my muse (at the time) was telling me she didn't believe in my abilities, that I didn't have what it took to rap, let alone be successful at it. I don't know if she saw it but at that exact moment, everything within me shattered. I didn't know it at the time but, everything about who I was began to fracture at that point as well. My relationship with the girl would soon be over along with the one I had with one of my best friends (1+1+1-1=?). Shortly after that I fell out with my religion. My parents left New York and moved to South Carolina while I tried to stay afloat on my own for as long as I could. I never thought about leaving New York and I kept writing, filling multiple books with rhymes, songs, poems and short stories. I started working on a novel. I felt the need to get back with the Jehovah's Witnesses, mainly because I missed my friends and family that I couldn't associate with if I wasn't in good standing. But it didn't fit who I was becoming.
I later left New York to stay with my parents for what was never supposed to be a permanent move. I had this chip on my shoulder that came through in some of the songs I had begun to formulate and soon, my desire to record them started to come out. I sought out some local producers who'd be willing to work with me on what was essentially a $0 budget. Soon enough I came across a local collective of producers and a local MC/ spoken word artist who had heard me perform at an open mic. They asked if I was interested in working with them on some music (OF COURSE I WAS!!!!!) and seeing where we could take it. Long story short, I ended up becoming a part of their collective, recorded a full length mixtape with them and eventually a solo project. From there, I honed my writing skills and evolved into a spoken word artist, self published my first book Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit (which you can purchase here) and I am working on starting my own publishing company.
Remember that chip on my shoulder that I mentioned earlier? It pushed me to keep writing and to pursue recording my music. When I left New York, I was angry at the way I had lost those relationships with the girl and my friend. Everything that I did was motivated by, not just the anger I felt but by fear as well. Fear of what?
The fear that maybe the girl was right!!!!!
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I never thought I was going to be a famous rapper. I know now, almost 20 years later, that I didn't even want to be anyone famous. I wanted to record my music, make an album and share my work with anyone who would listen. I had a lot to say. But I remember, while spending late nights recording and maybe drinking way too much, the fear of what was said to me always being in the back of my mind. And every time a new song was recorded and mixed down, her words would reverberate in my head. "You can't do it, you're not talented enough." I found myself editing my work and rewriting songs because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I was a talented enough writer. Meanwhile, doors were opening up that I didn't even know about and the Universe was conspiring to help me see what my true purpose was.
Ok, so why tell you that long ass story? Well, if for no other reason, to explain the concept of being afraid that what negative people tell you about your goals and aspirations is true. More often than not, the person(s) who tells you that you can't do something isn't an expert in the field you are pursuing. Other times, they are people who haven't accomplished anything at all. They are usually people who may have dreams and aspirations, too, but they've either let the fear of can't keep them from reaching their goals or they've given up on them for any number of reason. Some still have no aspirations at all and are comfortable with going through the motions of life, while others have actually let people convince them that they can't do what they have set out to do. These individuals, or anyone else for that matter, telling YOU that you can't reach YOUR goals isn't them giving you constructive criticism. This isn't them having your best interests at heart, or trying to help you understand your limitations. This is them not wanting to see you succeed! This is them not thinking you can succeed. This is them having not believed in themselves enough to feel like they could have succeeded. This is them accepting mediocrity for themselves.
THIS IS NOT YOU!!!!!
Our goals and aspirations may not work out exactly the way we start out wanting them to. I started out wanting to be a rapper, which led me to exploring the world of spoken word and poetry. Now I can say I am a published author with the know how and means to further the goal of making a living as a writer. If I had listened to the girl who told me that I wasn't talented enough to be a rapper, the journey that has brought me to this point would have been halted right there. Who knows what I would be doing at this point. All I know is, my life would be totally different and I don't think I would be as fulfilled as I am now. Sure, I have much more work to do. But as each day passes, the point of me reaching my ultimate goal draws closer and closer. I just have to keep going.
AND SO DO YOU!
So, yes, let people tell you that you can't do it. There will be times when you may wonder, to yourself and out load, if those people are right, That's perfectly alright. But never let fear keep you from pushing on, from proving those who don't believe in you wrong. Use it as motivation, use it as the reason why you can't give up. Don't do it just to prove them wrong though. Do it to prove to yourself that you can reach the goals you have set. Do it so that when you look back, you can see everything that you've accomplished in spite of those who doubted you. It most definitely won't be easy, but I promise you, it will be worth it.
Do it because it is what you were meant to do!
Someone told me I couldn't do it.
To be honest, there were hundreds of good reasons why anyone who knew me then might have felt like Jason Franklin being a rapper was an extremely far fetched idea. Hip-Hop in the late 90's in New York was nothing like it is now. Most of the well know successful rappers were street guys and, while I did grow up in South Jamaica, Queens, I was far from a street guy. I was also a baptized Jehovah's Witness. There were no gritty tales of 'hood living in any of my lyrics, even though I lived in the same area that gave rise to some of the greatest rappers that have ever touched a mic. South Jamaica was a rough part of town, but my parents (and my, then, religious affiliation) kept me outside from all of the influences that inspired Hip-Hop back then. However, none of those reasons were behind why the person who told me I couldn't do it felt that way. And, being that it came from a girl that I was dating (and yes, trying to impress), it hit me like a ton of bricks. She simply said: "You're just not talented enough."
I was stunned. I thought I was good, really good. I thought she thought I was good. I thought she would push me, support me, be there with me when I signed my deal, when I bought my first brand new car, house, etc. I had seen all of this in my head, had talked with my boys about it, had written and rapped about it. And now my inspiration, my muse (at the time) was telling me she didn't believe in my abilities, that I didn't have what it took to rap, let alone be successful at it. I don't know if she saw it but at that exact moment, everything within me shattered. I didn't know it at the time but, everything about who I was began to fracture at that point as well. My relationship with the girl would soon be over along with the one I had with one of my best friends (1+1+1-1=?). Shortly after that I fell out with my religion. My parents left New York and moved to South Carolina while I tried to stay afloat on my own for as long as I could. I never thought about leaving New York and I kept writing, filling multiple books with rhymes, songs, poems and short stories. I started working on a novel. I felt the need to get back with the Jehovah's Witnesses, mainly because I missed my friends and family that I couldn't associate with if I wasn't in good standing. But it didn't fit who I was becoming.
I later left New York to stay with my parents for what was never supposed to be a permanent move. I had this chip on my shoulder that came through in some of the songs I had begun to formulate and soon, my desire to record them started to come out. I sought out some local producers who'd be willing to work with me on what was essentially a $0 budget. Soon enough I came across a local collective of producers and a local MC/ spoken word artist who had heard me perform at an open mic. They asked if I was interested in working with them on some music (OF COURSE I WAS!!!!!) and seeing where we could take it. Long story short, I ended up becoming a part of their collective, recorded a full length mixtape with them and eventually a solo project. From there, I honed my writing skills and evolved into a spoken word artist, self published my first book Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit (which you can purchase here) and I am working on starting my own publishing company.
Remember that chip on my shoulder that I mentioned earlier? It pushed me to keep writing and to pursue recording my music. When I left New York, I was angry at the way I had lost those relationships with the girl and my friend. Everything that I did was motivated by, not just the anger I felt but by fear as well. Fear of what?
The fear that maybe the girl was right!!!!!
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I never thought I was going to be a famous rapper. I know now, almost 20 years later, that I didn't even want to be anyone famous. I wanted to record my music, make an album and share my work with anyone who would listen. I had a lot to say. But I remember, while spending late nights recording and maybe drinking way too much, the fear of what was said to me always being in the back of my mind. And every time a new song was recorded and mixed down, her words would reverberate in my head. "You can't do it, you're not talented enough." I found myself editing my work and rewriting songs because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I was a talented enough writer. Meanwhile, doors were opening up that I didn't even know about and the Universe was conspiring to help me see what my true purpose was.
Ok, so why tell you that long ass story? Well, if for no other reason, to explain the concept of being afraid that what negative people tell you about your goals and aspirations is true. More often than not, the person(s) who tells you that you can't do something isn't an expert in the field you are pursuing. Other times, they are people who haven't accomplished anything at all. They are usually people who may have dreams and aspirations, too, but they've either let the fear of can't keep them from reaching their goals or they've given up on them for any number of reason. Some still have no aspirations at all and are comfortable with going through the motions of life, while others have actually let people convince them that they can't do what they have set out to do. These individuals, or anyone else for that matter, telling YOU that you can't reach YOUR goals isn't them giving you constructive criticism. This isn't them having your best interests at heart, or trying to help you understand your limitations. This is them not wanting to see you succeed! This is them not thinking you can succeed. This is them having not believed in themselves enough to feel like they could have succeeded. This is them accepting mediocrity for themselves.
THIS IS NOT YOU!!!!!
Our goals and aspirations may not work out exactly the way we start out wanting them to. I started out wanting to be a rapper, which led me to exploring the world of spoken word and poetry. Now I can say I am a published author with the know how and means to further the goal of making a living as a writer. If I had listened to the girl who told me that I wasn't talented enough to be a rapper, the journey that has brought me to this point would have been halted right there. Who knows what I would be doing at this point. All I know is, my life would be totally different and I don't think I would be as fulfilled as I am now. Sure, I have much more work to do. But as each day passes, the point of me reaching my ultimate goal draws closer and closer. I just have to keep going.
AND SO DO YOU!
So, yes, let people tell you that you can't do it. There will be times when you may wonder, to yourself and out load, if those people are right, That's perfectly alright. But never let fear keep you from pushing on, from proving those who don't believe in you wrong. Use it as motivation, use it as the reason why you can't give up. Don't do it just to prove them wrong though. Do it to prove to yourself that you can reach the goals you have set. Do it so that when you look back, you can see everything that you've accomplished in spite of those who doubted you. It most definitely won't be easy, but I promise you, it will be worth it.
Do it because it is what you were meant to do!
Sunday, February 4, 2018
My Thoughts after MLK Day, during Black History Month and on Super Bowl Sunday
(This blog was started the day after MLK Day...sorry for the delay...)
Peace and blessings to you all!
It has been a while since my last blog post, but there has not been a shortage of things to talk about. Ironically, with the birthday of one of the most recognized civil rights icons in American history being recently celebrated, I felt moved to share my thoughts.
It has not been a coincidence that, even with everything that has happened regarding the state of our country and Donald Trump being president, I haven't had much to say in my blog posts recently. I mean, what can be said that isn't already being said everyday by anyone who can speak, type, write, use sign language, etc? I find myself saying, multiple times, almost everyday that I can't believe he's actually the president. That's not naivete. It's actual disbelief. With all the talk of Barack Obama being a relative political newcomer, it's baffling to try and comprehend how, not a person like Trump could get elected but how TRUMP actually got elected. With every new scandal, every new allegation, resignation of a top official, outlandish remark, late night tweet, etc., I shake my head. I can't help but wonder what the reaction would have been if Obama acted as Trump is now. I am pretty certain there would have been some politicians trying to change some laws so that he could immediately be removed from office. Hell, they were trying to do that anyway and there wasn't anything like what we see going on now happening with him.
It speaks to where we are as a nation. It speaks to why Obama was "allowed" to be President. It speaks to why Martin Luther King Jr. was shot down and killed in Memphis, Tennessee on April 4th 1968. A man who preached non-violence and spoke of love and peace. An imperfect man, yes, but nonetheless a man of conviction; a man willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for the betterment of those during his time and for those who would follow.
Martin Luther King wanted to make the world a better place. That was his dream, a dream he never got to see. I can't help but reference the Boondocks episode that depicted a world in which King was still alive. I tend to think that if he was able to continue on with what he started, if other Black leaders and activists weren't killed for fighting for what they believed was right, then this world would be very different. I've mentioned in previous blog posts that I feel like the progress we have made in this country is less about equality and more about necessity. Or even inevitability. We don't live in a perfect society but I feel like the level of oppression that minorities still experience today is directly related to the white supremacist construct that, obviously, isn't going anywhere. It was designed to be permanent, to withstand any attempts to break it down. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed by that construct, not just at the hands of James Earl Ray. The number of unarmed Black men and women who have been killed by police and other non-minority citizens, with little to no accountability for the officers or people involved, are victims of that construct. Donald Trump becoming president is a direct result of that construct. The rules that are keeping him in office are in place due to the design of the construct. Martin Luther King's Jr.'s dream was to see that construct no longer be what shapes our nation. As we can see today, it not only shapes our nation, it is what some people feel makes our nation great.
Inclusion. Equality. Tolerance. Basic human compassion and decency. These are the things that currently are being deemed as unnecessary "political correctness". These are the ideals that people like Trump and his supporters feel are tearing apart the fabric of "this once great country". Trump's executive action to repeal pretty much all of the Obama era legislation is just him pandering to those who voted for him. The ironic thing is most of Trumps supporters, poor white Americans, are being adversely affected by these moves. But yet, they still support him, even though he has shown that he is not fit to lead this country. He never was. But the construct was built so that someone like him could take the highest seat in the country and affect laws that benefit him and those like him, the wealthy and elite. It's always going to be that way. It has to for this construct to survive.
As a Black American, I want to see a day when Dr. King's dream actually comes true. A large part of me doesn't see that as a reality. We live in a world where our differences make us who we are, for bad and for worse. The optimist in me would like to think there can be this one uniting event that can bring us to see the human in each other and help eradicate the hate that still exists in our society. But the realist in me is finishing this blog at the beginning of February, a month that is considered Black History Month but is also the shortest month of the year. I can't help but see the irony in that. Ican't help but see the irony in the fact that right after our first Black president spent 8 years in the White House, Donald Trump took his place. It feels like it was intentionally done to "right the ship" as it were, to do what seemed to be right and progressive just to turn around and go back to how things were, "how things are supposed to be".
I look at all the Black icons of our past, those here now and look forward to watching a generation of new icons take their rightful places in American history and I wonder: When will the dream be fulfilled? As I type these words, completing them on Super Bowl Sunday, I think about how Janet Jackson has been the scapegoat of that infamous "wardrobe malfunction" while the person who performed with her, Justin Timberlake, will be performing again during this year's halftime show. I think about how Colin Kaepernick, who once took a team to the Super Bowl, has essentially been blacklisted for his silent and peaceful protests against police brutality because he chose to kneel during the National Anthem. I think about the lengths that Donald Trump has gone to in his efforts to vilify those who chose to follow Kaepernick's lead, even making a tongue in cheek "warning" to players thinking about kneeling during the Super Bowl. I look at how the numbers of those deciding to kneel waned after Trump's "son's of bitches" comment toward protestors and I think about Dr. King's dream. I think about our history as Black people in this country and can't help but feel like the dream that King talked about will always give way to the nightmare that was his and still is our reality today.
So what can we do? I feel like it is important for us to use whatever avenues/ platforms that we have to speak out against the injustices that we see happening around us. One's form of activism isn't necessarily the cup of tea for another. We may not all agree on boycotting Netflix or not watching NFL games and the Super Bowl but we should respect each other's right to choose whatever way they decide to show their activism. Something could look small to one person but it could have a tremendous effect on those who choose that route. Others may feel more useful organizing or attending rallies and peaceful protests. Some may choose to use their art or other talents to express themselves and their displeasure with the current social climate that we find ourselves in. Whatever avenues we choose, the important thing is that we make the decision to act and then do. Support others that are using their platforms as often and as much as you can. Show the unity that we want to see in our society amongst those who share your our views and goals. And, above all else, don't forget the dreams of those that sacrificed their lives so that we could push their work forward and finish what they all started. If we can do that, we might make Dr. King's dream come true after all.
Peace and blessings to you all!
It has been a while since my last blog post, but there has not been a shortage of things to talk about. Ironically, with the birthday of one of the most recognized civil rights icons in American history being recently celebrated, I felt moved to share my thoughts.
It has not been a coincidence that, even with everything that has happened regarding the state of our country and Donald Trump being president, I haven't had much to say in my blog posts recently. I mean, what can be said that isn't already being said everyday by anyone who can speak, type, write, use sign language, etc? I find myself saying, multiple times, almost everyday that I can't believe he's actually the president. That's not naivete. It's actual disbelief. With all the talk of Barack Obama being a relative political newcomer, it's baffling to try and comprehend how, not a person like Trump could get elected but how TRUMP actually got elected. With every new scandal, every new allegation, resignation of a top official, outlandish remark, late night tweet, etc., I shake my head. I can't help but wonder what the reaction would have been if Obama acted as Trump is now. I am pretty certain there would have been some politicians trying to change some laws so that he could immediately be removed from office. Hell, they were trying to do that anyway and there wasn't anything like what we see going on now happening with him.
It speaks to where we are as a nation. It speaks to why Obama was "allowed" to be President. It speaks to why Martin Luther King Jr. was shot down and killed in Memphis, Tennessee on April 4th 1968. A man who preached non-violence and spoke of love and peace. An imperfect man, yes, but nonetheless a man of conviction; a man willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for the betterment of those during his time and for those who would follow.
Martin Luther King wanted to make the world a better place. That was his dream, a dream he never got to see. I can't help but reference the Boondocks episode that depicted a world in which King was still alive. I tend to think that if he was able to continue on with what he started, if other Black leaders and activists weren't killed for fighting for what they believed was right, then this world would be very different. I've mentioned in previous blog posts that I feel like the progress we have made in this country is less about equality and more about necessity. Or even inevitability. We don't live in a perfect society but I feel like the level of oppression that minorities still experience today is directly related to the white supremacist construct that, obviously, isn't going anywhere. It was designed to be permanent, to withstand any attempts to break it down. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed by that construct, not just at the hands of James Earl Ray. The number of unarmed Black men and women who have been killed by police and other non-minority citizens, with little to no accountability for the officers or people involved, are victims of that construct. Donald Trump becoming president is a direct result of that construct. The rules that are keeping him in office are in place due to the design of the construct. Martin Luther King's Jr.'s dream was to see that construct no longer be what shapes our nation. As we can see today, it not only shapes our nation, it is what some people feel makes our nation great.
Inclusion. Equality. Tolerance. Basic human compassion and decency. These are the things that currently are being deemed as unnecessary "political correctness". These are the ideals that people like Trump and his supporters feel are tearing apart the fabric of "this once great country". Trump's executive action to repeal pretty much all of the Obama era legislation is just him pandering to those who voted for him. The ironic thing is most of Trumps supporters, poor white Americans, are being adversely affected by these moves. But yet, they still support him, even though he has shown that he is not fit to lead this country. He never was. But the construct was built so that someone like him could take the highest seat in the country and affect laws that benefit him and those like him, the wealthy and elite. It's always going to be that way. It has to for this construct to survive.
As a Black American, I want to see a day when Dr. King's dream actually comes true. A large part of me doesn't see that as a reality. We live in a world where our differences make us who we are, for bad and for worse. The optimist in me would like to think there can be this one uniting event that can bring us to see the human in each other and help eradicate the hate that still exists in our society. But the realist in me is finishing this blog at the beginning of February, a month that is considered Black History Month but is also the shortest month of the year. I can't help but see the irony in that. Ican't help but see the irony in the fact that right after our first Black president spent 8 years in the White House, Donald Trump took his place. It feels like it was intentionally done to "right the ship" as it were, to do what seemed to be right and progressive just to turn around and go back to how things were, "how things are supposed to be".
I look at all the Black icons of our past, those here now and look forward to watching a generation of new icons take their rightful places in American history and I wonder: When will the dream be fulfilled? As I type these words, completing them on Super Bowl Sunday, I think about how Janet Jackson has been the scapegoat of that infamous "wardrobe malfunction" while the person who performed with her, Justin Timberlake, will be performing again during this year's halftime show. I think about how Colin Kaepernick, who once took a team to the Super Bowl, has essentially been blacklisted for his silent and peaceful protests against police brutality because he chose to kneel during the National Anthem. I think about the lengths that Donald Trump has gone to in his efforts to vilify those who chose to follow Kaepernick's lead, even making a tongue in cheek "warning" to players thinking about kneeling during the Super Bowl. I look at how the numbers of those deciding to kneel waned after Trump's "son's of bitches" comment toward protestors and I think about Dr. King's dream. I think about our history as Black people in this country and can't help but feel like the dream that King talked about will always give way to the nightmare that was his and still is our reality today.
So what can we do? I feel like it is important for us to use whatever avenues/ platforms that we have to speak out against the injustices that we see happening around us. One's form of activism isn't necessarily the cup of tea for another. We may not all agree on boycotting Netflix or not watching NFL games and the Super Bowl but we should respect each other's right to choose whatever way they decide to show their activism. Something could look small to one person but it could have a tremendous effect on those who choose that route. Others may feel more useful organizing or attending rallies and peaceful protests. Some may choose to use their art or other talents to express themselves and their displeasure with the current social climate that we find ourselves in. Whatever avenues we choose, the important thing is that we make the decision to act and then do. Support others that are using their platforms as often and as much as you can. Show the unity that we want to see in our society amongst those who share your our views and goals. And, above all else, don't forget the dreams of those that sacrificed their lives so that we could push their work forward and finish what they all started. If we can do that, we might make Dr. King's dream come true after all.
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
The Realest Quote I've Ever Read
I wish I could've met James Baldwin. As I (slowly) continue to try and finish The Fire Next Time, which has become sort of an epiphanous reading for me, I find myself feeling like this man knew it. You know, the it that when someone speaks about it, people want to automatically discredit what is being said. Not because it isn't true, but because it IS true. James Baldwin spoke truth with every word he said, regardless of what it was that he was talking about. I can sit here and rattle off probably quite a few quotes but there is one that I recently came across that had me nodding my head as if I was listening to a heavy Nas verse:
"To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all of the time."
This was in 1961, about 56 years ago. Circling back to my Nas comparison, the Queens MC spoke about police brutality on his debut album Illmatic in 1994 which was 23 years ago. It's 2017 and we still are deeply entrenched in the conversation of excessive force by police when it comes to Black and brown bodies. To be Black in America today, 56 years after Baldwin spoke those words, still means to be in a rage almost all of the time!
That is the realest quote I've ever read.
Why? Because it is so true. I know this rage. It comes from the overt racism I see everyday. It's everywhere. But it also comes from the mediums that try to tell me racism doesn't exist in our modern society. Any mention of racism is usually met with cynicism. When I read articles that make arguments such as "all Trump supporters aren't racist" or "protests by athletes during the national anthem is unpatriotic", I feel the rage that James Baldwin speaks about. It's almost as if we have to defend our right to point out and speak out against the injustices that we experience, as a whole and as individuals. With the recent events in Charlottesville and the subsequent rallies and counter protests, the subject of racism versus the preservation of culture and history seems to be a hot topic for those who are trying to defend America's racist past. When I hear arguments related to the removal of statues of Confederate "heroes" or hear statements like "I don't care about a statue, it doesn't mean anything" from white people (and a few Black people) I wonder if these people understand the trauma of racism. The I quickly realize that they don't. Part of that trauma is the rage that I and a lot of people like me find ourselves in all of the time. Imagine being told you aren't alive. You wake up everyday, get dressed, go to work, spend money, come home, have dinner, watch TV and eventually go to sleep. The next day, you pretty much do the same thing. This routine goes on for years, until one day, you run into a complete stranger and they tell you that you've been dead for the past decade, or longer. It's hard to believe because of the memories you have. In fact, you don't believe it, but everyone around you tells you the same thing every time you see them. Yes, you can touch them, they can touch you, you can taste the food you eat, feel the warmth of the sun; you feel emotions just the same as the people who are telling you that you don't really exist. That's what it feels like when I hear people saying racism doesn't exist today. It's obvious that it does and is stronger than ever.
So what can one do with this rage? When I think about this question, I think about the attitude that Malcolm X had early on in his role with the Nation of Islam and the attitude that Huey Newton and the Black Panthers had. They had this rage and they felt like they needed to use this rage to fuel their fight, to take what was rightfully ours, our rights as human beings, "by any means necessary" If that meant physically fighting those who burned crosses on their lawns, who firebombed their homes and churches, who sicked dogs on men, women and children, then so be it. But I also think of Martin Luther King's non-violent mindset as well. Both methods got results but, as I look at what is still transpiring today, I wonder has their effectiveness faded. What do we do to combat racism in 2017? In a world where our nation's first black president was supplanted by Donald Trump, how do we fight against a machine that seems to be designed to pacify black people by appearing to hear us, only to show us their social tone deafness? How do we channel this rage, even in the face of criticism from people who look just like us that don't agree with our outlook (see Son of Baldwin and the criticism he has received)?
I don't know.
"...to be in a rage almost all of the time..."
While writing this blog post, several events centered around racism have been in the news. Just recently, a video was released of a white police officer in Georgia telling a white female motorist he had just pulled over, who was afraid to put her hands down because "she had seen too many videos of cops", that they "only kill black people". He was telling her this to calm her down, to let her know that she wasn't in any danger, because she was white.
Think about that for a second.
Imagine how every black person in this country who saw that video felt when they heard that officer say "we only kill Black people, remember?" I know how I felt and how I feel every time I think about those words. That rage comes up. It makes me wonder how that cop would've replied if that was a Black person in the car, saying that they had seen too many videos of police shooting Black people. I remember being pulled over in Mississippi while visiting a friend back in 2014. This was shortly after the Michael Brown shooting in Ferguson, MO. While the car was being searched, I was admittedly nervous. I mean, I was a Black man from out of town in the deep South. As I stood there waiting, I guess my nervousness showed because I was tapping my leg with my left hand. The officer, who was a white male, asked why I was doing that and I responded "because I am nervous". The officer countered with "What do you have to be nervous about?" My response was "Do you really want to have that conversation?" Then, ironically, the Black officer (female) who was on the scene as well chimed in that it was probably due to the way police were being portrayed in the media at that time. I immediately said, "No, no, it has nothing to do with the media," and then quickly decided that I was going to leave it at that. The officers finished their search and let me and my passenger go shortly after that.
White people can't understand the rage that James Baldwin spoke about. And even though that white woman in Georgia was afraid of that police officer, I don't think even she truly understands our fear. But the police officers know that they instill this fear in us. That is another cause of the rage. That fear isn't out of cowardice, it is a fear of being gunned down for absolutely no reason other than because we are black. While I was deciding how I was going to end this post, I came across and article about NFL football player Michael Bennet of the Seattle Seahawks where he reported that he was held on the ground at gunpoint by Las Vegas police last month after the Floyd Mayweather-Conor McGregor fight. According to his statement, police apprehended him after hearing what they thought were gunshots. Video shows an officer with his knee in Bennett's back handcuffing him while the defensive end is asking the officer to explain why he was being handcuffed. Bennett further reported that before that another officer, with his gun drawn, had told him that he would blow his "fucking head off" if he moved. After he was cuffed, he was put into a police car and it wasn't until they confirmed who he was, an NFL football star, and that he was not a suspect that he was released. No explanation was given as to why he was subjected to such an excessive use of force.
In my opinion, I feel this is no coincidence, especially since Bennett has been very vocal in his support of Colin Kaepernick and has sat durning the national anthem during all four of the Seahawks' preseason games this year and has said he will continue to do so. But even if the officers didn't know who he was, there was still no justification for their actions. Bennett was unarmed and was in a crowd and ran just like everyone else did when they heard what was believed to be gunshots. Bennett said he "felt helpless" as he "lay on the ground handcuffed facing the real life threat of being killed." He continued, "All I could think of was I'm going to die for no other reason than I am black and my skin color is somehow a threat."
That's that fear. After the fear, comes the rage. A rage that for Black people, never goes away.
"To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all of the time."
This was in 1961, about 56 years ago. Circling back to my Nas comparison, the Queens MC spoke about police brutality on his debut album Illmatic in 1994 which was 23 years ago. It's 2017 and we still are deeply entrenched in the conversation of excessive force by police when it comes to Black and brown bodies. To be Black in America today, 56 years after Baldwin spoke those words, still means to be in a rage almost all of the time!
That is the realest quote I've ever read.
Why? Because it is so true. I know this rage. It comes from the overt racism I see everyday. It's everywhere. But it also comes from the mediums that try to tell me racism doesn't exist in our modern society. Any mention of racism is usually met with cynicism. When I read articles that make arguments such as "all Trump supporters aren't racist" or "protests by athletes during the national anthem is unpatriotic", I feel the rage that James Baldwin speaks about. It's almost as if we have to defend our right to point out and speak out against the injustices that we experience, as a whole and as individuals. With the recent events in Charlottesville and the subsequent rallies and counter protests, the subject of racism versus the preservation of culture and history seems to be a hot topic for those who are trying to defend America's racist past. When I hear arguments related to the removal of statues of Confederate "heroes" or hear statements like "I don't care about a statue, it doesn't mean anything" from white people (and a few Black people) I wonder if these people understand the trauma of racism. The I quickly realize that they don't. Part of that trauma is the rage that I and a lot of people like me find ourselves in all of the time. Imagine being told you aren't alive. You wake up everyday, get dressed, go to work, spend money, come home, have dinner, watch TV and eventually go to sleep. The next day, you pretty much do the same thing. This routine goes on for years, until one day, you run into a complete stranger and they tell you that you've been dead for the past decade, or longer. It's hard to believe because of the memories you have. In fact, you don't believe it, but everyone around you tells you the same thing every time you see them. Yes, you can touch them, they can touch you, you can taste the food you eat, feel the warmth of the sun; you feel emotions just the same as the people who are telling you that you don't really exist. That's what it feels like when I hear people saying racism doesn't exist today. It's obvious that it does and is stronger than ever.
So what can one do with this rage? When I think about this question, I think about the attitude that Malcolm X had early on in his role with the Nation of Islam and the attitude that Huey Newton and the Black Panthers had. They had this rage and they felt like they needed to use this rage to fuel their fight, to take what was rightfully ours, our rights as human beings, "by any means necessary" If that meant physically fighting those who burned crosses on their lawns, who firebombed their homes and churches, who sicked dogs on men, women and children, then so be it. But I also think of Martin Luther King's non-violent mindset as well. Both methods got results but, as I look at what is still transpiring today, I wonder has their effectiveness faded. What do we do to combat racism in 2017? In a world where our nation's first black president was supplanted by Donald Trump, how do we fight against a machine that seems to be designed to pacify black people by appearing to hear us, only to show us their social tone deafness? How do we channel this rage, even in the face of criticism from people who look just like us that don't agree with our outlook (see Son of Baldwin and the criticism he has received)?
I don't know.
"...to be in a rage almost all of the time..."
While writing this blog post, several events centered around racism have been in the news. Just recently, a video was released of a white police officer in Georgia telling a white female motorist he had just pulled over, who was afraid to put her hands down because "she had seen too many videos of cops", that they "only kill black people". He was telling her this to calm her down, to let her know that she wasn't in any danger, because she was white.
Think about that for a second.
Imagine how every black person in this country who saw that video felt when they heard that officer say "we only kill Black people, remember?" I know how I felt and how I feel every time I think about those words. That rage comes up. It makes me wonder how that cop would've replied if that was a Black person in the car, saying that they had seen too many videos of police shooting Black people. I remember being pulled over in Mississippi while visiting a friend back in 2014. This was shortly after the Michael Brown shooting in Ferguson, MO. While the car was being searched, I was admittedly nervous. I mean, I was a Black man from out of town in the deep South. As I stood there waiting, I guess my nervousness showed because I was tapping my leg with my left hand. The officer, who was a white male, asked why I was doing that and I responded "because I am nervous". The officer countered with "What do you have to be nervous about?" My response was "Do you really want to have that conversation?" Then, ironically, the Black officer (female) who was on the scene as well chimed in that it was probably due to the way police were being portrayed in the media at that time. I immediately said, "No, no, it has nothing to do with the media," and then quickly decided that I was going to leave it at that. The officers finished their search and let me and my passenger go shortly after that.
White people can't understand the rage that James Baldwin spoke about. And even though that white woman in Georgia was afraid of that police officer, I don't think even she truly understands our fear. But the police officers know that they instill this fear in us. That is another cause of the rage. That fear isn't out of cowardice, it is a fear of being gunned down for absolutely no reason other than because we are black. While I was deciding how I was going to end this post, I came across and article about NFL football player Michael Bennet of the Seattle Seahawks where he reported that he was held on the ground at gunpoint by Las Vegas police last month after the Floyd Mayweather-Conor McGregor fight. According to his statement, police apprehended him after hearing what they thought were gunshots. Video shows an officer with his knee in Bennett's back handcuffing him while the defensive end is asking the officer to explain why he was being handcuffed. Bennett further reported that before that another officer, with his gun drawn, had told him that he would blow his "fucking head off" if he moved. After he was cuffed, he was put into a police car and it wasn't until they confirmed who he was, an NFL football star, and that he was not a suspect that he was released. No explanation was given as to why he was subjected to such an excessive use of force.
In my opinion, I feel this is no coincidence, especially since Bennett has been very vocal in his support of Colin Kaepernick and has sat durning the national anthem during all four of the Seahawks' preseason games this year and has said he will continue to do so. But even if the officers didn't know who he was, there was still no justification for their actions. Bennett was unarmed and was in a crowd and ran just like everyone else did when they heard what was believed to be gunshots. Bennett said he "felt helpless" as he "lay on the ground handcuffed facing the real life threat of being killed." He continued, "All I could think of was I'm going to die for no other reason than I am black and my skin color is somehow a threat."
That's that fear. After the fear, comes the rage. A rage that for Black people, never goes away.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
The Narrative of Black Freedom in America
JAY-Z asked on his record with DJ Khaled I Got the Keys, "...how we still slaves in 2016?". Right before that, he rapped "...'til you own your own you can't be free." We live in an era where individual thought and uniqueness, while applauded I some circles, isn't really accepted by social norms. Some may say that this isn't an accurate depiction of our modern society. But when an artist like Solange drops an album that basically says fuck the social norms and gives a huge middle finger to racism and shaming, people are surprised, even if it is refreshingly so. Why? Because it's unexpected. It's expected that artists go with what's trendy to stay relevant. It's expected that people who aspire to be more than what society says they should be eventually fall in line. It's expected that people who are considered non-elite remain that way. It is expected that the oppressed never get a chance to rise above the oppressor. Slavery was legal during it's time, and therefore, if you were white and wealthy it was expected that you were to have slaves. A lot of them. The more slaves you had, the bigger display of your wealth. If you weren't wealthy and white, you were expected to be a slave. That's how Black men and women who were born free in northern states were able to be abducted, shipped down south and sold into slavery (i.e., the story of Solomon Northup) and no one asked questions. Today, while the physical enslavement of people in this country is no longer allowed and practiced legally, the question arises as to how the slave mentality of both the oppressed and oppressors still exists.
It's funny how JAY-Z works into the narrative here. A few weeks have passed since I first started this post and in that time, Jay released his thirteenth studio album 4:44. While a number of topics are openly addressed in the album, a common thread throughout is his feelings of how Black people can truly succeed in today's society. "Financial freedom" is a phrase repeated several times across different songs. He talks about establishing credit and investing. You get the feeling that he's grateful for not just amassing enough wealth so that his children and family will be well taken care of, but also for the knowledge that he's attained in regards to what this society offers Black people, especially artists and creatives. The opportunities are scarce, and with that comes what is often seen as "a Black clause"; the idea that whatever success you attain, it isn't your accomplishment. You were given access, you were allowed entry into the elite circles. There is a fine line that Black celebrities walk and at any given time, people like JAY-Z knows, the wealth, successes and acceptance can be taken away from you. In his song, The Story of OJ, his opening line is "I'm not Black, I'm OJ...okay", in reference to how OJ once responded to his popularity as a Black athlete. But the chorus to that song sums up what Black people as a whole, successful or otherwise, has known for centuries:
"Light nigga, dark nigga, faux nigga, real nigga/ rich nigga, poor nigga, house nigga, field nigga...still nigga...still nigga."
And this is the truth every Black person in our American society lives with. Unarmed Black teen shot by police? Still nigga. Number one golfer in the world? Still nigga. One of the best running backs in NFL history? Still nigga, especially since we let him off for a double murder of two white people. First Black president? Still. Nigga. Young Black man working his way up the corporate ladder to finance his aspirations of financial freedom as a writer, author and potential publisher? You get my point. In a society still ruled by white supremacy, there will always be boundaries that we are only allowed to cross. Once it is deemed that we no longer represent what this society will accept us as, since we are invited guests to the table as it were, they will remind us of what they view us as. Still niggers. And everyone, myself included, either get that nigger wake up call or they navigate their path under that distinction. To us, this is nothing new.
The Daily Show host Trevor Noah says, in the 4:44 short film that accompanies the streaming release of the album, that "success is still in many ways a synonym for white. And so once you attach successful to the black man, there's a little key that has been given to you that may give you access to the white world. The key can be taken away: Cosby, Tiger, etc. The key can be taken away. But at least you have the key for the time being." What struck me here was when he said "...but at least you have the key for the time being." You look at a man like Donald Trump, the (unbelievably?) 45th president of the United States, and you see how this works in white America. Aside from real estate and reality TV, Trump is synonymous with the words scandal, racist and possibly even rapist. Americans, wealthy and the not quite wealthy, have lost millions investing in his properties while he pimped the system to retain his wealth. He's made outright racists statements and has stood by them. He's alluded to his possible assaults on women. He's never known what discrimination feels like and he's never known what it feels like to go without. He lacks compassion and empathy for anyone who isn't like him and he has a despicable view of women in our society. And he's risen to the office of president, the most powerful office in the world! He was given a key, via a million dollars from his father when Trump was just starting out in the real estate business, and he has had it ever since. Barack Obama was given a key as well, by the powers that be. And while he did what is now being openly acknowledged as a remarkable job as president for 8 years, even that is only through the prism of what Trump is doing now. He had to be almost impeccable; and not just for his sake, but for every Black politician that may follow in his steps and every Black citizen that looks like him. Why? Because that key was on loan to him, ready to be snatched away at a moments notice, without explanation, without cause, without reason. He knew how accountability played a role in him being allowed to be president. White society still finds a way to blame him for things happening in our government even now after he has left office. Still nigger. Still. Nigger.
Recent events in my personal life has forced me to look at this reality a little deeper. As an author who still holds a regular job, I've been told that in order to advance I would have to be careful as to what I publicly post on social media sites and who I share my thoughts and opinions with. I've also been fortunate enough to be mentored by someone who understands "the game" and who cares enough not just about my success in the workplace, but otherwise as well. I am also fortunate enough to have a sister who knows all about the politics of corporate advancement when it comes to, well, us. I get that as Black people, we have to recognize that we don't get the passes that white people get. We may get one (we may get one!), but there's a whole lot that goes into us qualifying for even that one time. Which is why I can't stand behind compromising who I am so that I can catch a promotion here and there or even an opportunity to fast track my dreams as a writer by compromising my art and my opinions. Black people have been expected to compromise who they are from the very first day our shackled feet hit the shores of this country. Our struggle has been dramatized and trivialized. Our successes have been marginalized, just as we have been as a people. The advances that we have made have only occurred when society was deemed "ready". Our basic human rights were only allowed to us when society was "ready". Once we were allowed to seemingly coexist within a society that wasn't originally meant for us, but not as equals, those who spoke out were shot and killed. We are still literally viewed as threatening today, to the point where if an officer shoots and kills one of us the go to line is "I feared for my safety/ life" or the safety/ life of others. The usual result of no charges filed or no indictments has become so much the norm that it is expected. You go from broken to emotionless when you see so many people gunned down for nothing then disparaged so that the shooter, whether it be a white police officer or a white citizen, can be painted positively and the shooting justified. It's sickening. And it's the new normal.
So what's left for Black people in America? How can we attain a "freedom" that, essentially, already belongs to us as humans but still seems out of reach for all of us. JAY-Z talks about owning your own and financial freedom being our "only hope". I would like to think that is only just a part of it. I feel like part of what he said in "owning your own" means also owning who you are. In a society dominated by wealth, white wealth at that, not everyone can be wealthy. You don't have to amass a fortune to be able to not accept what society says your place is. Knowing who really are and being unafraid to be him or her, to me, is the start to the path of true freedom. That goes for anyone, no matter their color, race, gender, sexual orientation or whatever. Whatever limitations society throws on us, there are no bounds when we know and then we are who we are. Especially us! Don't suppress it, don't allow others to suppress and don't let anything you may be experiencing in life suppress it. JUST. BE. FREE.
Don't forget to check out my first published release Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit here on amazon.com and here on createspace.com. Also, check out this powerful book i am from a punch and a kiss by Marlanda Dekine aka Sapient Soul on her site unnamedonline.com .
It's funny how JAY-Z works into the narrative here. A few weeks have passed since I first started this post and in that time, Jay released his thirteenth studio album 4:44. While a number of topics are openly addressed in the album, a common thread throughout is his feelings of how Black people can truly succeed in today's society. "Financial freedom" is a phrase repeated several times across different songs. He talks about establishing credit and investing. You get the feeling that he's grateful for not just amassing enough wealth so that his children and family will be well taken care of, but also for the knowledge that he's attained in regards to what this society offers Black people, especially artists and creatives. The opportunities are scarce, and with that comes what is often seen as "a Black clause"; the idea that whatever success you attain, it isn't your accomplishment. You were given access, you were allowed entry into the elite circles. There is a fine line that Black celebrities walk and at any given time, people like JAY-Z knows, the wealth, successes and acceptance can be taken away from you. In his song, The Story of OJ, his opening line is "I'm not Black, I'm OJ...okay", in reference to how OJ once responded to his popularity as a Black athlete. But the chorus to that song sums up what Black people as a whole, successful or otherwise, has known for centuries:
"Light nigga, dark nigga, faux nigga, real nigga/ rich nigga, poor nigga, house nigga, field nigga...still nigga...still nigga."
And this is the truth every Black person in our American society lives with. Unarmed Black teen shot by police? Still nigga. Number one golfer in the world? Still nigga. One of the best running backs in NFL history? Still nigga, especially since we let him off for a double murder of two white people. First Black president? Still. Nigga. Young Black man working his way up the corporate ladder to finance his aspirations of financial freedom as a writer, author and potential publisher? You get my point. In a society still ruled by white supremacy, there will always be boundaries that we are only allowed to cross. Once it is deemed that we no longer represent what this society will accept us as, since we are invited guests to the table as it were, they will remind us of what they view us as. Still niggers. And everyone, myself included, either get that nigger wake up call or they navigate their path under that distinction. To us, this is nothing new.
The Daily Show host Trevor Noah says, in the 4:44 short film that accompanies the streaming release of the album, that "success is still in many ways a synonym for white. And so once you attach successful to the black man, there's a little key that has been given to you that may give you access to the white world. The key can be taken away: Cosby, Tiger, etc. The key can be taken away. But at least you have the key for the time being." What struck me here was when he said "...but at least you have the key for the time being." You look at a man like Donald Trump, the (unbelievably?) 45th president of the United States, and you see how this works in white America. Aside from real estate and reality TV, Trump is synonymous with the words scandal, racist and possibly even rapist. Americans, wealthy and the not quite wealthy, have lost millions investing in his properties while he pimped the system to retain his wealth. He's made outright racists statements and has stood by them. He's alluded to his possible assaults on women. He's never known what discrimination feels like and he's never known what it feels like to go without. He lacks compassion and empathy for anyone who isn't like him and he has a despicable view of women in our society. And he's risen to the office of president, the most powerful office in the world! He was given a key, via a million dollars from his father when Trump was just starting out in the real estate business, and he has had it ever since. Barack Obama was given a key as well, by the powers that be. And while he did what is now being openly acknowledged as a remarkable job as president for 8 years, even that is only through the prism of what Trump is doing now. He had to be almost impeccable; and not just for his sake, but for every Black politician that may follow in his steps and every Black citizen that looks like him. Why? Because that key was on loan to him, ready to be snatched away at a moments notice, without explanation, without cause, without reason. He knew how accountability played a role in him being allowed to be president. White society still finds a way to blame him for things happening in our government even now after he has left office. Still nigger. Still. Nigger.
Recent events in my personal life has forced me to look at this reality a little deeper. As an author who still holds a regular job, I've been told that in order to advance I would have to be careful as to what I publicly post on social media sites and who I share my thoughts and opinions with. I've also been fortunate enough to be mentored by someone who understands "the game" and who cares enough not just about my success in the workplace, but otherwise as well. I am also fortunate enough to have a sister who knows all about the politics of corporate advancement when it comes to, well, us. I get that as Black people, we have to recognize that we don't get the passes that white people get. We may get one (we may get one!), but there's a whole lot that goes into us qualifying for even that one time. Which is why I can't stand behind compromising who I am so that I can catch a promotion here and there or even an opportunity to fast track my dreams as a writer by compromising my art and my opinions. Black people have been expected to compromise who they are from the very first day our shackled feet hit the shores of this country. Our struggle has been dramatized and trivialized. Our successes have been marginalized, just as we have been as a people. The advances that we have made have only occurred when society was deemed "ready". Our basic human rights were only allowed to us when society was "ready". Once we were allowed to seemingly coexist within a society that wasn't originally meant for us, but not as equals, those who spoke out were shot and killed. We are still literally viewed as threatening today, to the point where if an officer shoots and kills one of us the go to line is "I feared for my safety/ life" or the safety/ life of others. The usual result of no charges filed or no indictments has become so much the norm that it is expected. You go from broken to emotionless when you see so many people gunned down for nothing then disparaged so that the shooter, whether it be a white police officer or a white citizen, can be painted positively and the shooting justified. It's sickening. And it's the new normal.
So what's left for Black people in America? How can we attain a "freedom" that, essentially, already belongs to us as humans but still seems out of reach for all of us. JAY-Z talks about owning your own and financial freedom being our "only hope". I would like to think that is only just a part of it. I feel like part of what he said in "owning your own" means also owning who you are. In a society dominated by wealth, white wealth at that, not everyone can be wealthy. You don't have to amass a fortune to be able to not accept what society says your place is. Knowing who really are and being unafraid to be him or her, to me, is the start to the path of true freedom. That goes for anyone, no matter their color, race, gender, sexual orientation or whatever. Whatever limitations society throws on us, there are no bounds when we know and then we are who we are. Especially us! Don't suppress it, don't allow others to suppress and don't let anything you may be experiencing in life suppress it. JUST. BE. FREE.
Don't forget to check out my first published release Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit here on amazon.com and here on createspace.com. Also, check out this powerful book i am from a punch and a kiss by Marlanda Dekine aka Sapient Soul on her site unnamedonline.com .
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