It started to become too much to watch. To read about. To talk about. To see the comments on social media sites. To hear comments from news pundits and otherwise. After the Charleston shooting, I couldn't take it anymore. Even when the Confederate flag was (finally?!) removed from the state grounds in Columbia, it still seemed hollow. It's not that I no longer cared, it was that I was beginning to feel like I had felt too much before. I felt the anger too much. I felt the fear too much. I felt the hope and then the despair too much. And while I went on feeling these emotions so much so that I felt them consuming me, everything around began to unravel without me even noticing. All I wanted to do was debate with anyone who felt up to the challenge. All I wanted to do was converse with whomever would listen. Since I couldn't escape it, I felt it was my duty to not let anyone else try to hide from it as well. Then Dylann Roof walked into that Charleston prayer service at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church and murdered nine of my people. Our people. And in the days and weeks that followed, I became undone.
Even in doing some research for that last line on the Charleston shooting, I felt the "becoming undone" all over again. On Wikipedia and in several reports on Dylann Roof, he is still considered the alleged shooter. Eyewitnesses have placed him there and he confessed to being the shooter. Allegedly (it has recently been reported that Dylann Roof will plead guilty to all charges). I understand what that is all about but I also understand what that is all about. Legally, you are innocent until proven guilty. But through the eyes of people who look like me, we can't help but feel like the words "proven guilty" questions whether or not Roof and others like George Zimmerman, officer Daniel Pantaleo and former officer Darren Wilson, Michael Dunn, officer Timothy Loehmann and former officer Michael Slager, amongst many others, are actually viewed as being guilty for anything. In the eyes of some, like these individuals, Black people are still considered beneath society. With some, killing a few of us doesn't resonate as significantly wrong. You can see this with the criticism the #BlackLivesMatter movement has been receiving, with people claiming that it makes Black lives seem more important than others. When you try to explain that it isn't about what lives are more important but about what lives are seemingly least important, from historical statistics, recent events, social response or lack thereof and media coverage, those critics scoff at such notions. These would be the same individuals who would tell you that if we stopped talking about race in this country, then we wouldn't have racism. These are the same people who would criminalize the victims in race related incidents, portraying them in a light that would shift the public opinion away from the actual crime and the person that committed it. These are the same people who feel that Black people use race as an excuse to explain why certain things continue to happen instead of taking personal responsibility.
I have a good friend who has said on some occasions that, as Black people, we need to move on from the race issue. This is a person that I respect the hell out of. But I just can't agree with him on that notion. Sure, I agree that being constantly inundated with news coverage and social media comments and posts can either completely rile you up to the point where you're just angry all the time (been there) or shut you completely down to where you become detached from the conversation altogether (kind of there now). But "moving on", as it were seems completely impossible to me. It's not like a relationship where you can just decide to not date or call the other person anymore. It's not like leaving a job where you pack up your things and literally move on to the next opportunity. Racism is like a disease that has no known cure. It's effects linger on, even as we try to the best of our ability to treat it peacefully and aggressively. People like Dylann Roof, who were taught to hate by those who came before him, actually exist. The mindset that he has exists in the minds of countless others who feel threatened by Black people, especially young Black men. There are still people who feel like Black people have forgotten their place, who need to be reminded that it wasn't so long ago that Black people were being hung from trees just because, and that it was legal. The recent cases of Freddie Gray and Sandra Bland shows that there are people in positions of authority, Black and white, who feel that they have the right to act aggressively if they feel like their authority is being challenged. In the case of Sandra Bland, the officer escalated the situation by antagonizing Bland and when she responded in like manner, the officer abused his power and authority. If you cannot confirm foul play in her death (she was found hung in her jail cell days after her arrest in what has been called an apparent suicide), you can confirm that if the officer had just given her the ticket and walked away the rest never happens. Seeing these events unfold one behind the other as they have over the past 3+ years (using the Trayvon Martin murder as a starting point) not only has an unraveling effect on Black people as a whole but also can contribute to the hopeless feeling that I am sure many of us have felt from time to time. It is becoming increasingly clear that there is an agenda in this country regarding the treatment and perspective regarding Black people. The scary thing is, I feel like it has been tempered just a little by the fact we have a Black president in office (even though it can truly be said that these events escalated during his presidential terms and he has been blamed in some cases by addressing race and race related crimes and incidents). While Ben Carson is running on the Republican ticket, it seems highly unlikely that he will be elected. Even if he is, it seems even more unlikely that he would be a voice of Black Americans as a whole given some of his views.
So it seems to me that these events are just a precursor to things becoming even worse than they are now. And you'd be hard pressed to honestly believe with confidence that feeling that way is without merit. Just look at the reactions we saw when the Confederate flag on the state grounds in Columbia, SC finally came down after the Charleston shooting. Many people felt that this monumental moment in Southern American history was an overreaction to the outcry in regards to the shooting. How could anything be an "overreaction" to nine people getting massacred due to pure hatred? How could removing a symbol of hate from federal government property be viewed as an overreaction, when this was generations overdue? Can it be seen as a political move? Most certainly, as most things regarding positive steps toward racial harmony and other efforts to promote equality in this country have historically always been politically motivated. But for that to be viewed as an overreaction speaks volumes to the moral psyche of the white American who still views Black progress in America negatively. The fact that lawmakers had previously gone back and forth for years over that issue (just about a month before the shooting, some South Carolina lawmakers had said there was no plan in place to remove the flag) shows that the spirit of racism is very alive and strong with no real regression in sight. And when you have to debate on human lives being important it is plain to see, at least to me, that the fight is in our hands as Black people and in our hands relatively alone.
My blog has been an ongoing commentary on race and it will continue to be. Although I had become undone, I've taken it as a personal responsibility to not stay undone for too long of a time. A person very close to me told me recently that they felt I was an important voice on the subject. While I may not view that exactly as they do, I understand the importance of speaking on these and other social issues. Once you take up the mantle of becoming a voice on any subject, much more so on the subject of social and racial injustice, you cannot just set it back down or slowly let your voice fade away. You have to press on, especially since there are some out there who respect and anticipate what you have to say. I'd like to take this opportunity to encourage any and everyone who has a voice in the struggle of equality to press on and remain determined to affect change in any way they possibly can. Any voice we lose is a place for another voice for hatred to occupy. I'd also like to thank those who read this blog and appreciate my thoughts.
If you haven't already, please take a moment to visit and follow the Speaking Down Barriers page on Facebook. There are several events held in the Spartanburg/ Greenville area that promote unity and honest dialogue regarding race and social issues and I urge you to attend as often as possible. Details for upcoming events can be found there. Or, you can visit their website here for more information about what they do to promote unity through honest dialogue.
