Before I get started, I'd like to encourage you to read the article linked below. It's quite long and I am actually still reading it as I am penning this blog. But it, so far, is a very insightful look into Barack Obama, President. It's written by one of my favorite authors, Ta-Nehisi Coates, author of Between the World and Me.
My President Was Black
As January 20th approaches and we get ready to transition to the Donald Trump presidency, I can't help but wonder how things may change for Black people over the next four years. As I looked through my Instagram feed the day after Obama's farewell speech, many of those I follow expressed how much they admired the President and the First Lady. I felt the need to post my own tribute as well. What I noticed is that many people weren't just posting or expressing their feelings about Obama, the President. What touched them the most was the relationship that Barack and Michelle displayed so openly, one of support, of loyalty, of strength, of love. It came across as genuine, something not seen too often amongst public figures, especially amongst politicians. I think that is something that many Black Americans were drawn to in their admiration of the First Couple. I know it was something I was drawn to.
Some people on my feed bristled at the attention all us black folk were giving the Obamas. After all, these were "celebrities" that everyone was getting worked up over. Barack and Michelle don't know us, and we don't know them. They're going to go back to Chicago or stay in D.C. and go on living their life and we'll go back to or lives, filling the space some of us have for them with the pissed off angst that many of us will have for Trump and his rhetoric. But I think there is one thing that gets lost in this whole dynamic: We will more than likely never see this again.
Will we one day have another Black president? Maybe. I don't think that will come anytime soon because under the 8 years that Obama has held office, I think society has dictated that this was a once in a lifetime event. You know the saying, "everybody gets their one"? I feel like the actual election of Donald Trump was the American public saying that to Black America. They gave us our 'one', and now Trump is their path back to normalcy. White America is back with a vengeance, giving us our one so we can shut up our talk of a racist America. This is the America they want and this is the America they shall have. "Let history record that we gave you one, though!", is what I hear when I see Trump preparing for his upcoming 4 year term.
The politics of it all, was very interesting over the last eight years. Conversation on the ground was even more interesting, with white people going from pissed off that a Black person was president to hailing the day another white man would take his place. When he as re-elected, it seemed the countdown began to the day when the Obamas would leave office. There would be no more history to be made (aside from the type of history a country makes when they elect someone like Donald Trump to be president). No more progress with electing a much more qualified (and white!) woman into office. No, our country went full anti Obama and they were proud of it on election night. This was America taking it's country back! I had one of my coworkers say "It took us eight years to get a new president.", while another said that Trump was exactly what this country needed to get back on track. I've heard people say things like "It's a shame what has happened to free speech over the last eight years". I've even heard people blame Obama for the rash of police and other shootings against unarmed Black people that occurred, saying his rhetoric made race a divisive issue in this country. What I never heard from any of these people? The truth about the things that Obama was actually able to do, in spite of the major resistance and down right refusal to cooperate he experienced from his fellow lawmakers. I never heard my white counterparts express sadness over the rash of police brutality. I never heard reason. All I heard were reasons why they felt Obama was to blame.
Obama was the best of the best, as is often required by Black people when they are chosen for high regarded positions. He was often criticized for his interpretation of the constitution, even though, as a president that held a law degree and taught constitutional law, his understanding of the constitution was pretty clear. While it's true he did bend in some areas where a lot of us would have preferred to see him stand firm, those areas in which he held tight were major legislative changes that benefitted many Americans, Black and white. He stood for the people when tragedies occurred, he spoke out against wrongful actions and, when the need arose, he spoke for those who's voices were squelched for one reason or another. He walked a fine line between white and Black America but not once did he leave his Blackness outside of his presidency. He embraced it without being threatening. He governed in his Black body without ever having to compromise his Blackness. He made a lot of people believe that this country could and would change, mainly because he believed he was an example of that change. Obama really believed in America, as Coates noted in the article above, especially when he plainly stated, regarding a possible Trump presidency, that Trump couldn't win.
For a moment, I believed in America, too. When I voted for Barack Obama, that was the first time I had ever voted. I didn't want to vote for Obama, just because he was Black. so I checked out the other candidates and what they stood for. I remember telling my parent's, who don't vote, that I felt the need to vote because I couldn't live in a country where Sarah Palin could possibly become president. So I voted for Obama because I felt his message and I believed if he actually was elected and allowed to serve a full term as president, then maybe this country was changing. Eight years later, I now see that this country wasn't ready for that type of change and that it was never intended for this country to change. Obama knows it now, even though I think he may still believe it can change. While white America may feel like Obama's sometimes candid discussions on race lead to a more divisive climate, I think the racial divide became wider as a response to his presidency. White people with issues against minorities felt threatened by what they thought was a social shift that would no longer have them at an advantage. Those insecurities played out violently in some cases and when Black America reacted in outrage, protest and, in some cases, riots, we were looked upon as savages. Our motives were questioned, our tactics were marginalized and called unpatriotic. When we spoke up for our lives, we were called reverse racists. We were told not to discuss politics at work and whenever tragedies occurred that involved people that looked like us, it seemed at time that we were the only ones outraged. We talked about those issues amongst ourselves, while our white counterparts avoided any dialogue when things happened. There were no moments of solidarity when Dylan Roof murdered the Charleston 9. No one came by my desk and said anything in support. But I watched as many people stopped the officers I worked with and thanked them "for what you do"days after each shooting incident involving an unarmed Black person. I couldn't help but feel like I was being slapped in the face every time that happened, right next to me at times.
So our nation's first Black president will soon be a historical reference. His beautiful wife and two daughters will leave their mark on this country's history, for good. Obama will eventually be noted as one of our country' greatest presidents, as he rightfully should be. In pure comparison to where we were eight years ago, you cannot dispute that we are in a much better position economically than we were when George W. Bush left office. There are other things that we as a nation still have much work to do. It can be said that we have regressed as a nation when it comes to racial and social issues, but that is only true if you really believe real progress has been made. Having a Black person serve eight years as president in this country might seem like progress to some of us, but when you look at everything that has occurred over those eight years, can we really call this progress? Electing Donald Trump shows me this country has really never moved forward, but that it has made some concessions and allowances along the way.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
2017: A New Year for Continuance?
con-tin-u-ance
1. formal
the state of remaining in existence or operation
the extent of continuing
the quality of enduring
We all know how much of struggle 2016 has been for many of us. On so many levels, many of us experienced tragedies with the loss of loved ones or life changing events. We often look to the new year and say "This is gonna be my year", or variations of "I'm gonna leave this past year behind me". While there are years that we do make significant progress from the year before, many times we find ourselves repeating some of the same habits and mistakes that we vowed to work on in the new year. Does that mean we are bound to our flaws and that we are destined for another year of struggles? Does that mean the happiness we seek is unattainable? I don't think so.
I am by no means a motivational speaker. But I do see and pay attention to what I say to myself and post on social media as well as what others post and say to me in conversation. I don't think I have ever tried to make a New Year's resolution. I personally feel like doing so sets me up for failure. I struggle with continuous forward movement because, personally, I have a few regrets that I just can't shake. I find myself often pining over mistakes that I have made and opportunities that I have missed. If I had to chose a fatal flaw of mine, it would be that I seriously lack motivation sometimes. In trying to find new ways to motivate myself, I often look back on the pain that I harbor due to my past. I've come to find out that it eventually works but the time it takes, the agony and stress that I experience within the process ends up really not being worth it in most cases. The only time I feel like it was worth it was when I (finally!) released my book, Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit. In retrospect, that process cost me way more emotionally and otherwise than I was prepared to sacrifice. In the end, though, it is what it is. All I can do is learn from the experience, accept the fact that things are the way they are in some regards and hope that whatever amends that can be made, I am given the opportunity to do so.
But what does all that have to do with the new year and new beginnings? I think what happens when we try to "make new beginnings" is that we try to reinvent ourselves under this extremely crazy deadline of "a new year". While many, including myself, will lean towards better habits, exercising more, drinking less, etc., sometimes we forget that these are life changing events that really can't be realistically imposed starting on the 1st. Some succeed in making it happen. I for one have never succeeded in that regard. For me to reach the milestone that was the release of my book, I actually had to give myself a relaxed deadline of an entire year to say I wanted this to happen. I called this past year, my 36th, my own personal "36th Chamber" in reference to my admiration and affinity for my favorite hip-hop group, The Wu Tang Clan. There is a long explanation of what the 36th chamber is and for that explanation in regards to the old kung fu flick, you can follow this link. The short version is that the 36th chamber was a new chamber that a student, who had progressed through the 35 chambers of his martial arts training relatively quickly, wanted to create to teach martial arts to commoners. In my case, I looked at the 36th chamber as a moment of personal achievement, the point in my life where it was time for me to make the leap that I had been saying for too long that I wanted to. I turned 36 on October 1st, 2015 and by June 8th, 2016, my first book was published. That was the first thing I set out to do, other than releasing an independent hip hop album in 2005 at 25, that I saw through to it's fruition. 10 years later, might I add, lol!!!!
2016 was tough for a lot of us. Many of my close friends, co-workers and those in my extended poet/ artist family experienced tragic losses of family members and friends. I tried my best to not leave 2016 with a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted to continue on the path that I had traveled in 2016, although that path wasn't entirely as awesome as the release of my book. That truly was the highlight of my year, but as I mentioned earlier, the process to get to that point wasn't ideal. While there are sacrifices that need to be made to achieve anything of substance, you have to weigh the costs of those sacrifices and the impact that those sacrifices will have on you and those who love and care about you, and be ready to deal with the fallout. You have to own the decisions you make, good or bad and accept the consequences, again, good and bad. I came to the realization, as I reflected on 2016 alone at home New Year's Eve, that my 2016 was a direct result of how I chose to deal with certain things. I had good moments and bad moments, but most of those bad moments consisted of me making decisions and then agonizing over the things that occurred due to those decisions. Most of that came from indecisiveness in sticking to some of the things I felt I needed to do. Some of the agony came from not being able to accept some of those decisions, in that I couldn't control the outcome of said decisions. A good portion of the negative things I went though was me being pissed that I was allowing some things I had experienced to affect me to the point where I was dormant creatively, with a book on deck, trying to find ways to market and push the book, but finding myself not doing anything that I needed to do because my mind, heart and spirit wasn't right. I was completely responsible for that and the acknowledgement of that only motivated me in spurts. I allowed myself to be consumed by my own bullshit, and the acknowledgement of that kept me less than motivated more times than not.
Fortunately, I have people that noticed me going through something, reached out to me and encouraged me to fight through the funk that I fell into, due to negative situations that I had created. My sister, friends, my manager at work and others who knew of what I wanted to accomplish, pushed me to just talk, or sometimes, just listen to the advice they had to give. Some offered me books to read (Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates was a major mentality booster), others encouraged me to try different methods of meditation and refection, while others "forced" me to face my role in my own struggles. There were plenty of nights that I laid awake just trying to sift through what was going on. Weeks went by that I didn't sleep for more than an hour or two a night, at best. I had struggles at work, just trying to be there and be effective. Relationships with some people deteriorated and I questioned relationships that I found myself trying to cultivate. I found myself in the house many days doing absolutely nothing productive at all. I found ways to try to escape my thoughts and feelings but all those things did was enhance the anxiety, the worry, the over thinking. I am by no means out of the woods when it comes to a lot of these things, but I am truly looking to 2017 to continue in the work that friends like Marlanda 'Sapient Soul' Dekine, Shemu'el Namaste, Lindsey 'Flower' Stevens, Davelyn Hill, Scott Neely and Crystal Irby feel like I can be a part of. I want to be able to mend some of the broken relationships that I have and not allow things out of my control to hinder me from achieving what I feel is my destiny, to restrict my walk on my path. I want to be able to freely admit my flaws and openly express myself without hesitation. I want to follow through on my commitments much better than I currently do and I want to leave a lasting impression on each and every person that I meet or who reads my work. But most of all, I want to live free. Completely free.
So, am I about to make a New Year's resolution? Maybe, but I would like to think this is a life resolution that I feel like I laid the groundwork for starting on October 1st, 2015. 2016 was a learning experience for me, hands down. I believe 2017 can be, not a starting point for me but a continuation upon what I feel is the growth that I truly need to continue to get to where I see myself as a writer an artist but above all, a person. I want to always be in a position where I am always creating, always writing, always influencing, always living and working in the moment. I want everything I went through in 2016 to have been worth it.
1. formal
the state of remaining in existence or operation
the extent of continuing
the quality of enduring
We all know how much of struggle 2016 has been for many of us. On so many levels, many of us experienced tragedies with the loss of loved ones or life changing events. We often look to the new year and say "This is gonna be my year", or variations of "I'm gonna leave this past year behind me". While there are years that we do make significant progress from the year before, many times we find ourselves repeating some of the same habits and mistakes that we vowed to work on in the new year. Does that mean we are bound to our flaws and that we are destined for another year of struggles? Does that mean the happiness we seek is unattainable? I don't think so.
I am by no means a motivational speaker. But I do see and pay attention to what I say to myself and post on social media as well as what others post and say to me in conversation. I don't think I have ever tried to make a New Year's resolution. I personally feel like doing so sets me up for failure. I struggle with continuous forward movement because, personally, I have a few regrets that I just can't shake. I find myself often pining over mistakes that I have made and opportunities that I have missed. If I had to chose a fatal flaw of mine, it would be that I seriously lack motivation sometimes. In trying to find new ways to motivate myself, I often look back on the pain that I harbor due to my past. I've come to find out that it eventually works but the time it takes, the agony and stress that I experience within the process ends up really not being worth it in most cases. The only time I feel like it was worth it was when I (finally!) released my book, Soul Therapy: a collection of works inspired by the life of Max Lit. In retrospect, that process cost me way more emotionally and otherwise than I was prepared to sacrifice. In the end, though, it is what it is. All I can do is learn from the experience, accept the fact that things are the way they are in some regards and hope that whatever amends that can be made, I am given the opportunity to do so.
But what does all that have to do with the new year and new beginnings? I think what happens when we try to "make new beginnings" is that we try to reinvent ourselves under this extremely crazy deadline of "a new year". While many, including myself, will lean towards better habits, exercising more, drinking less, etc., sometimes we forget that these are life changing events that really can't be realistically imposed starting on the 1st. Some succeed in making it happen. I for one have never succeeded in that regard. For me to reach the milestone that was the release of my book, I actually had to give myself a relaxed deadline of an entire year to say I wanted this to happen. I called this past year, my 36th, my own personal "36th Chamber" in reference to my admiration and affinity for my favorite hip-hop group, The Wu Tang Clan. There is a long explanation of what the 36th chamber is and for that explanation in regards to the old kung fu flick, you can follow this link. The short version is that the 36th chamber was a new chamber that a student, who had progressed through the 35 chambers of his martial arts training relatively quickly, wanted to create to teach martial arts to commoners. In my case, I looked at the 36th chamber as a moment of personal achievement, the point in my life where it was time for me to make the leap that I had been saying for too long that I wanted to. I turned 36 on October 1st, 2015 and by June 8th, 2016, my first book was published. That was the first thing I set out to do, other than releasing an independent hip hop album in 2005 at 25, that I saw through to it's fruition. 10 years later, might I add, lol!!!!
2016 was tough for a lot of us. Many of my close friends, co-workers and those in my extended poet/ artist family experienced tragic losses of family members and friends. I tried my best to not leave 2016 with a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted to continue on the path that I had traveled in 2016, although that path wasn't entirely as awesome as the release of my book. That truly was the highlight of my year, but as I mentioned earlier, the process to get to that point wasn't ideal. While there are sacrifices that need to be made to achieve anything of substance, you have to weigh the costs of those sacrifices and the impact that those sacrifices will have on you and those who love and care about you, and be ready to deal with the fallout. You have to own the decisions you make, good or bad and accept the consequences, again, good and bad. I came to the realization, as I reflected on 2016 alone at home New Year's Eve, that my 2016 was a direct result of how I chose to deal with certain things. I had good moments and bad moments, but most of those bad moments consisted of me making decisions and then agonizing over the things that occurred due to those decisions. Most of that came from indecisiveness in sticking to some of the things I felt I needed to do. Some of the agony came from not being able to accept some of those decisions, in that I couldn't control the outcome of said decisions. A good portion of the negative things I went though was me being pissed that I was allowing some things I had experienced to affect me to the point where I was dormant creatively, with a book on deck, trying to find ways to market and push the book, but finding myself not doing anything that I needed to do because my mind, heart and spirit wasn't right. I was completely responsible for that and the acknowledgement of that only motivated me in spurts. I allowed myself to be consumed by my own bullshit, and the acknowledgement of that kept me less than motivated more times than not.
Fortunately, I have people that noticed me going through something, reached out to me and encouraged me to fight through the funk that I fell into, due to negative situations that I had created. My sister, friends, my manager at work and others who knew of what I wanted to accomplish, pushed me to just talk, or sometimes, just listen to the advice they had to give. Some offered me books to read (Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates was a major mentality booster), others encouraged me to try different methods of meditation and refection, while others "forced" me to face my role in my own struggles. There were plenty of nights that I laid awake just trying to sift through what was going on. Weeks went by that I didn't sleep for more than an hour or two a night, at best. I had struggles at work, just trying to be there and be effective. Relationships with some people deteriorated and I questioned relationships that I found myself trying to cultivate. I found myself in the house many days doing absolutely nothing productive at all. I found ways to try to escape my thoughts and feelings but all those things did was enhance the anxiety, the worry, the over thinking. I am by no means out of the woods when it comes to a lot of these things, but I am truly looking to 2017 to continue in the work that friends like Marlanda 'Sapient Soul' Dekine, Shemu'el Namaste, Lindsey 'Flower' Stevens, Davelyn Hill, Scott Neely and Crystal Irby feel like I can be a part of. I want to be able to mend some of the broken relationships that I have and not allow things out of my control to hinder me from achieving what I feel is my destiny, to restrict my walk on my path. I want to be able to freely admit my flaws and openly express myself without hesitation. I want to follow through on my commitments much better than I currently do and I want to leave a lasting impression on each and every person that I meet or who reads my work. But most of all, I want to live free. Completely free.
So, am I about to make a New Year's resolution? Maybe, but I would like to think this is a life resolution that I feel like I laid the groundwork for starting on October 1st, 2015. 2016 was a learning experience for me, hands down. I believe 2017 can be, not a starting point for me but a continuation upon what I feel is the growth that I truly need to continue to get to where I see myself as a writer an artist but above all, a person. I want to always be in a position where I am always creating, always writing, always influencing, always living and working in the moment. I want everything I went through in 2016 to have been worth it.
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