This piece was inspired by a few things, but most notably, realizing that I was placing my dreams on hold by unrealistic expectations not becoming manifest and the headspace I let that occupy...and also an impromptu conversation I had from an unexpected source...I hope they realize who they are when they read this...thanks for those few moments you took to inspire me, even though you didn't know you were at the time...
Well, this wasn't exactly how you planned it
is it?
timelines never work out
and
you never was much of a
by the numbers individual
so,
fuck the years you lost
tryna get here
you are here
as the universe planned it...
destination?
check!
scenery just as you'd imagined it
as a young writer
trying to mend a broken heart
that would break again
well into your adulthood
go ahead, sip your Sailor Jerry
from the white mug
your sister gave you
for Christmas
that year your dreams were fulfilled
that 36th chamber
those same dreams
that got you right here
on your porch
watching whales
not privy to your presence
not privy to the fact
that
they're the ones that inspired you
maybe even the same ones
your brother saw
when you came up with this
cockamamie idea
of ending up here
yeah
it's a little chilly out here
so
roll the collar up on that shawl neck
cable knit sweater you thought
the love of your life
would've knit for you
but
you had to settle for the Ralph Lauren one
you saw online
buying it just as a reminder
of where you were headed
motivation comes in all forms
and even though you let a few forms
slip by you
as you navigated the
turbulent tides that almost
kept you from getting here
realize
the tides that did actually get you here
crashed upon you just the same
so, maybe you should write her a letter
thanking her a little later on...
but for now
feel the cold Maine air
brush against your cheeks
that hold a little more gray hairs
now
yes, you're really here
your sister called about an hour ago
and said she was on her way
she said not to worry about
coming to pick her up
she'd take a taxi
from the airport
'cus she wanted to see you
as she rode up your driveway
standing on the porch
she always knew you would stand on
she prayed that you would
see your vision through
God's favor fell upon her
and maybe just enough of it
rubbed off on you
so, make sure a day doesn't go by
that you thank Him at least once
for her
Mom and Pop called the other day
and they were proud
despite you being so far away now
Pop joked that he thought you'd
never get out of their house
and you agreed that you never thought so either
ya'll talked about them moving here with you
but "you know how ya' mama is"
is how Pop replied
so you'd leave it at that
for now, you said to yourself
go ahead...plan to talk to her again
in a few days
No, this isn't
exactly how you planned things
this space feels so empty
from time to time
this was never supposed to be
a place for one
this was never just supposed to
be a house
it was meant to be a home
and maybe it still can be
but don't focus on that right now
focus on the mail that you have to
walk a quarter mile down
that gravel filled driveway
you swear you're gonna get paved
one day
see the address
go ahead
take another few sips from your mug
and remember everything
the highs
the lows
the nights anxiety nearly suffocated you
those early mornings you and insomnia
agreed to disagree
remember the phone calls
and text messages that flooded silent nights
and then suddenly stopped
remember your 1st book
then your 2nd
remember the novel detailing this journey
of yours
remember friends and confidants
that told you things you needed to hear
but almost always didn't want to
remember that kid
who vowed to never fall in love again
only to have love give him
what he never knew he needed
purpose
drive
motivation
inspiration
yes, love is the muse
you resisted for so long
only to have it assist you
getting to your destiny
so remember that, too
when you sit down in your office
pour you another helping
of your favorite rum
and open up your laptop
to pen your next piece
your next chapter
look out your window and see
the whales signaling your arrival
you are finally here...home
