#freeupstatepoetry

Free:

adjective

Not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes.


Not physically restrained, obstructed or fixed: unimpeded.


adverb

Without cost or payment


verb

Release from captivity, confinement or slavery


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Upstate South Carolina:

The region in the westernmost part of South Carolina, consisting of 10 counties (Greenville, Spartanburg, Anderson, Laurens, Oconee, Pickens, Cherokee, Union, Abbeville and Greenwood).


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Poetry:

noun

Literary work in which special intensity is given to the expression of feelings and ideas by the use of distinctive style and rhythm; poems collectively or as a genre of literature.


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The best ideas start as conversations -Jonathan Lee



#freeupstatepoetry started as a conversation within a group text. It was a spontaneous reaction to a somewhat unrelated topic at the time.


It was also born from a feeling I have had regarding the poetry community in the upstate for a very long time. No shade, but it just doesn't have the same vibe it did years ago.


Maybe that is due to my opinion of what I feel poetry is supposed to be. To me, poetry is more than just what it is by definition. Poetry represents a community; people from all walks of life and economic backgrounds. It can be home to the poet and to the listener. Truth be told, poetry here in the upstate hasn't felt like home in quite some time. I mean that in all sincerity.


What really has me on one, though, is the reaction others have had to people expressing that sentiment, i.e myself and my friend, Celestial Poet.


We're grown folks, people. I don't exactly know the history of spoken word here in Greenville, SC. All I know is when I arrived here in 2002-2003, one of the first places I hung out at was at a spoken word open mic. Coming from New York where open mics were a dime a dozen, it was familiar territory. I felt at home immediately. I met some folks there that I ended up working with on my first and only hip-hop CD. I transitioned with those same people into a spoken word artist/ author and worked on several projects with them and other spoken word artists in the area. I consider these people family.


Family discusses things amongst themselves when issues or concerns arise. Or at least they should.


That being said, family often disagrees on a number of topics.


While there are several issues and concerns that have arisen since a photograph of me wearing a #freeupstatepoetry shirt popped up on social media, I am just going to address what I can speak on directly.


The shirt, the hashtag and the message.


Like I said earlier, the hashtag was born of an idea during a conversation in a group text. The idea came from me.


The shirt? A prototype. I enlisted another friend of mine to make it so I could wear it to an event promoting community, healing and unity. With the interest and dialogue that came about at that event, I decided to create a campaign for the shirts on teespring.com


The message was clearly posted on the campaign page and is still there:   "For Healing, Growth and Community".


I am unable to address the issues that have come up otherwise because I am not directly involved. But I will say this: I am in full support of my sister and friend, Celestial Poet, and anyone else who feels like #freeupstatepoetry speaks to their concerns and feelings about the current state of poetry/ spoken word in the Upstate.


It's not about t-shirt sales, competition, garnering support for venues or taking away from an organization or venue that has a foothold in the poetry community here in Greenville.


It's about healing, growth and community.

It's about freedom of expression.

It's about the art.

It's about feeling welcome and safe.

It has also turned into a call to do things the right way. Period.


No one person, group or organization can have a monopoly on expression. So there shouldn't be a level of division when another group decides to offer an alternative to what currently exists. That goes for a place to hold an open mic, book signing, performance, gallery showing, etc.


There also should be a level of understanding when an idea or movement supports an individual or group that feels like they've been done wrong. This isn't to say all parties involved should or have to agree. But when it is clear and obvious that a wrong has been done, there should be open dialogue and that person or group's concerns shouldn't be marginalized. Personal feelings about unrelated issues shouldn't affect how those concerns are addressed.


When serious issues are brought up, they should be addressed immediately, unequivocally, indiscriminately and directly, no matter who's involved and regardless of status and stature.


Of course, we are talking "perfect world" living here, so I don't (and didn't in this case) expect this to always occur.


But we are also talking about family here.


Movements can mean different things to different people while still maintaining it's core principles and values. Friction often occurs when a person, group or organization feels the movement is targeting them and, in some cases, that's true. When that happens, the targeted person, group or organization goes on the defensive.


Or they just hijack the narrative.


We saw this when it came to Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players choosing to kneel during the national anthem on game days. Donald Trump hijacked the narrative and turned well intended athletes, who were kneeling in protest to police brutality towards unarmed Black citizens, into villains.


That was strategic. It was calculated. It worked.


While the narrative of #freeupstatepoetry may not resonate on the same levels as the NFL protests or, say #blacklivesmatter, it is rooted in a similar vein, probably more so now than when the idea was first conceived. Why? Because of the reaction of those who felt the movement was directed at them. The movement was never about one person, or a few persons. It was about a feeling a group of poets/ artists/ activists had. When those individuals took their personal experiences and wove them through the fabric of the core values #freeupstatepoetry is based on, others reacted. Some were curious while others felt attacked. Some reached out in support and others deleted long time friends from their lives. Personally, the negative reaction I experienced had more to do with issues outside of the #freeupstatepoetry movement. Issues that had more to do with them than they had to do with me. Loyalty seemed to be in question, when loyalty wasn't an issue that #freeupstatepoetry was addressing at all.


You know what else breeds actions to shift the narrative of a cause or movement?


Guilt.

Ignorance.

Selfishness.

Entitlement.

Supremacy.


All one has to do, if they are unsure of the motivation behind a cause of a movement, is ask questions to those associated with said movement. The ones that decide to ask, usually do so to make an educated choice to be involved or not. It's either your fight or it's not. Each person has the right to choose to support or oppose any cause or movement. Whether you choose to support or not really isn't indicative of who you are as a person or organization.


Your reaction and actions in respect to that movement, regardless of there basis, says a lot, though.

Dear Conflicted and Confused

Sometimes, there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. Sometimes, all there is to do is just allow yourself to feel bad, to not be okay, to be angry, frustrated, sad, depressed, lonely, etc. Sometimes, the only path to feeling better is feeling your absolute worse before you can have a happy day, or even a happy moment. Trying to string together consecutive happy moments or days can be a struggle.


There isn't a quick answer to why you feel this way. There are suggestions as to what you should do. Go see a therapist. Talk to a friend. Air out your grievances to your ex, if that is part of the problem. Have a drink. Smoke a joint. Get laid. Work on your craft. Organize your life. Set priorities. Take a day off. Shit, take a week off. Go away. Be alone for awhile. Get off the grid, go Zero Dark Thirty on 'em. Sleep in. Don't give a fuck. Breathe. Meditate. Try this herbal remedy, try this tincture. Do yoga, go to the gym.


WRITE IT OUT!


You don't feel like talking to anyone but, in your line of work, you have to. A couple of hundred people a day, face to face or on the phone. They ask questions and don't like your answers. They want what they want and they want it now. They can't help themselves, even though they are carrying the latest iPhone with every app imaginable; they just want you to do it for them. Well intentioned co-workers stop at your desk with meaningless chatter that you can't walk away from, so you smile and nod, trying to look busy but they continue on. Annoying co-workers with a lack of social skills harass you, attempting to be funny. You dread running into them and, when you do, you give them every signal imaginable to let them know today is not the day. They keep going, so you give them shit right back. Hint not taken.


You are distracted during most solitary moments by events that you cannot change, mistakes you have made, by the relationship that has run it's course but still is, some may say, an unhealthy part of your life.  In the shower, in the car, during down time at work, while you lie in bed at night. Your heart won't let you forget and it damn sure won't let you walk away. You are haunted by words spoken and left unsaid. You are trying to gain some clarity regarding certain matters of your heart. Whenever you try to create some form of dialogue, emotions run amok to one extreme or the other. You decide to take it one day at a time; no days are good, most days are bad. Almost every night is bad.


You search online for inspirational quotes and post the ones that speak to you. You make jokes about the heartache, thinking that it is helping because sometimes, it feels like it is.


You drink alone. No rules. Anytime is a good time for a shot if there's booze around. When there is, you drink yourself to sleep, but you pay for it in the morning. You drink more just to shake the devil off but to no avail. You try not to let it show while you are at work, but those who know you, know. They ask if you are ok. You lie to most of them, speak honestly to one of them. All you are trying to do is not think about the things you don't need to think about. Deaden the nerves and silence the noise in your head. But there is always noise in your head.


When you actually do sleep, your dreams haunt you across years; movies playing out scenes of memories you thought you fought hard enough to forget. Nope, your heart and mind play tricks on you at the same damn time. You're exhausted, but you feel guilty when your body won't let you forget you haven't slept in days because you know you should be working on your goals and aspirations.


The phone rings. Decisions, decisions. It's a roll of the dice. Depending on who it is, you could ruin an already shitty day if you answer. When it doesn't ring, you are constantly searching for a text message that may never come or wondering why "they" haven't called. You wished "them" a good day and "their" reply was just "Thx". Every once in a while "they" add a "U too". You delete "their" number from your phone, delete "their" caller ID pic because it's too painful to see "their" face pop up if and when "they" do call, just to change it to something generic because completely striking "them" out of your phone and leaving it that way is a step you just aren't ready to take.


You tell yourself it's getting easier when you feel it getting harder to make it through each day. You tell yourself it could be worse when it feels like it's actually getting worse. Sometimes you are ashamed of how you feel and how you choose to cope. Out of all the things that might make you feel better, all you want is the one thing that will probably make you feel worse right after you get it. It always does. It always will. But you'd take it in a heartbeat, every single time.


The answers don't exist, but they do. They are plain as day, yet so complicated. You have your tribe and you know they love you. You wonder is it enough.


Trust me, conflicted and confused soul. I can relate.


It will get better, just not right now.


The pain, unfortunately, will take some more time to eventually pass.


The guilt will linger until you can forgive yourself, even though you really have nothing to feel guilty about.


The confusion will eventually give way to a clearer understanding.


You will be whole again.


Just hold on a little bit longer.