I had an interesting conversation with my boss a few days ago. She was relating a story to me about a conversation she was having with someone regarding segregation. The person had made the comment that the segregation that had gone on in our nation's past was "a good thing". Needless to say, this was a white man having this conversation with my boss, who is a black woman.
He went on to (hopelessly) explain his comment this way: Say if you have a dandelion. All your life you have been told that dandelions are the worst plant on the face of the earth; they're poisonous, they choke out vegetation, etc, etc. You would feel that way until someone told you or showed you different and eventually you would get used to not seeing dandelions in a negative light. So white people just needed time to get used to the idea of black people no longer being viewed negatively.
Insert your WTF???!!!'s, SMDH's, ROTFL's, LMAO's and other shorthanded expressions now.
As ridiculous as this statement is (and I am using the term ridiculous very loosely), I wasn't exactly shocked by it. This is something that I have run into many times when discussing the race issue with white people. I've come to the conclusion that this is a topic that Black people really cannot discuss with their white counterparts. There is such a huge disconnect when it comes to how Black people feel about the race issue, especially now, in this country and how white people feel about it, again, especially now.
For one, the race issue for Black people is, obviously, literally imbedded in our physical makeup. We look in the mirror and we see our Blackness as plain as day. But it is also imbedded in out mental makeup as well. We know the history of our people and the horrible things our forefathers experienced, from being brought here from our native homeland and having to endure generations of slavery to being lynched for things like walking on the wrong side of the street, or whistling at a white woman (see Emmett Till). These incidents remind Black people of the insensitive nature this country has had towards our race from the day they packed us into those slave ships. No one knows that pain like we know that pain. No one can relate to that pain like we can relate to that pain. It is a part of who we are, just like immigrants from other countries pass on their experiences to the generations that follow.
Change is a hard thing for any person to accept. A lot of us are creatures of habit and any time we have to deviate from our normal routine or our normal way of living, a certain amount of resistance is always expected. When the Jim Crow laws of the South were abolished, a change occurred that many white people had to get used to. That is a fact. But just because it is a fact, that does not mean it can be used as justification to explain why Black people experienced the things they did during that time. But what it does explain is the un-evolved view that some white people still have when it comes to Black people.
I don't expect a white person to relate to the struggle that Black people have had to endure and still go through even now. Every ethnic group has gone through some sort of racial insensitivity at one point or another in our country's history. Japanese Americans were placed in internment camps during World War II. Native Americans were slaughtered by the Pilgrims, duped out of land that clearly belonged them because they inhabited those areas first and later were placed on government reservations that they still live on today. Hispanic Americans face challenges every day due to stereotypes and perceptions that people have of them. Gay and Lesbian Americans have had their struggles as well. These groups may not be able to directly relate to the other ethnic groups individual struggles but they can understand to a certain degree. In discussing these struggles with people, it is hard to justify any of the conduct that has been exhibited towards these groups, but many people try to do it. With the Japanese Americans, the justification was national security during war time. With the Native Americans, it was European exploration and colonization. Later in the 19th century, the concept of Manifest Destiny was used to justify American expansion to the western territories. With Hispanics, the immigration issue is the main driving force behind a lot of discrimination and insensitivity. With gays and lesbians, religion and morality is used to justify the condemnation they go through and, unfortunately, this condemnation comes from every direction. So, I guess what I am saying is that this country is, in many ways, based on the discrimination of people who do not look and act like this nations founding fathers.
I think, for the most part, the average white person who may engage in this sort of conversation is probably not a racist. A person in their shoes may say something like: "I never had Black friends growing up so I wasn't exposed to them", or "I went to a predominantly white school so I never really interacted with Black people". Others may say things like: "I don't have a problem with Black people, I have black friends". Still others may say: "My parents raised me in a household where Black people weren't seen in a favorable light". All these statements may well be true, but it lends some insight into the people who utter them. There is an air of 'it's not my fault that I feel this way about that group of people'. Granted, almost every person on this planet has had some stereotypical view of another group of people. Black people often make jokes about white people liking cheese and not being able to dance or being athletically challenged in sports like basketball. Think about the last time you were in an airport or on a subway and you saw someone who looked like they were of Middle Eastern descent. So I am not absolving other ethnic groups, including Black people, from being racially insensitive. I am speaking on the subject of racism between white and Black people and the often uncomfortable conversations that spawn from that.
I think what it all boils down to is the pain that can be traced back to slavery. Black people were oppressed by white people. Unfortunately, history shows that most of the oppression that has occurred in this country towards other groups have been by the hands of white people. So this would be an uncomfortable conversation between any white person and a person from another ethnic group. It has not been often that I've had a conversation with a person who was openly racist, but I have had conversations with white people who have made comments such as the ones I've mentioned here. It's been hard to peg those people because in most cases, they are relating their own experiences and absolutely mean no harm by it. But I think there is one thing we can apply to almost every situation and that I can apply to myself as well. When discussing matters of race, whether it be a Black person to a white person or vice versa or to any other person of another ethnicity, we should all try to put ourselves in the other persons shoes before we have these type of conversations. That way, we can, at least, try to see where the other person is coming from. In the case of a Black person, it would be extremely hard for us to empathize with a white person who is trying to understand us as a group of people. Some may carry a certain amount of guilt for the things that Black people experienced at the hands of their ancestors. Some may honestly feel the way that they do and mean no ill will at all. But trying to offer up an explanation as to why things like slavery and segregation occurred and using 'adjusting to something new' as a possible reason is insulting and will do nothing to endear those who were directly, or indirectly affected by racism, discrimination and/ or oppression.
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